Insights Chapter 15: Memories

Chapter 15: Memories

Translated by Addis of Exiled Rebels Scanlations

Editor: Karai

Shen Junci returned home, and the scent of incense had already dissipated. He took off his clothes, revealing a long scar on his chest. The scar was old, and now it no longer affected his movements. After changing into new clothes, Shen Junci lay down on the bed. Then, he carefully recalled the events of the evening. Perhaps it was because the bathwater was a bit hot today, Shen Junci felt his cheeks were still a bit warm.

He suddenly remembered the scene of having dinner with Gu Yanchen earlier. The atmosphere back then was far from as harmonious as it was now. In fact, reminiscing about it made him feel a bit bitter. 

In his memory, the first official meeting with Gu Yanchen was at the hospital. It was the day Lin Xianglan passed away. Shen Junci received a notification call from an unknown number, informing him that Lin Xianglan was seriously ill and undergoing emergency treatment.

He rushed to the hospital, and outside the emergency room, he watched as a bed was wheeled out. Without lifting the white cloth covering the corpse’s face, just from the silhouette, he knew it was Lin Xianglan. In the end, he didn’t get a chance to see his father one last time. The doctor explained the resuscitation process to him, and according to the regulations, asked him to sign.

With a numb mind, he took the pen and wrote his name. Looking at Lin Xianglan’s lifeless body, he felt a surreal sense. Sorrow, fear, apprehension, confusion – various emotions overwhelmed his mind. Gu Yanchen, who had informed him, was the subordinate of his father in the police force. He questioned Gu Yanchen standing by the bed, “Why didn’t you call me earlier?”

Gu Yanchen didn’t explain much, “I called you as soon as I received the critical condition notification from the doctor.”

Captain Yang on the side tried to ease the situation, “Lin Luo, your father initially said it wasn’t serious, not to delay your studies. The doctor said they would resuscitate urgently. We didn’t expect things to change so quickly.”

The incident happened suddenly, and the situation deteriorated rapidly. Shen Junci understood that blaming Gu Yanchen was unfair, but he still felt a suffocating resentment building up inside. He believed that he should have been the one accompanying his father at the end, not a complete stranger.

His mother had passed away early, and he had forgotten what it felt like for a close relative to die. At the moment he saw his father’s corpse, he understood the meaning of death. The person who was joking with him just yesterday suddenly lay on the bed, covered with a white sheet. He wouldn’t speak or breathe again. He had turned into a lifeless mass of flesh. From the moment the breath stopped, the process of decay had begun.

He stayed at the hospital for a long time, feeling like a zombie being pushed around by many things. The hospital corridor was lit with harsh white light. He kept his head down, overwhelmed not just by grief but also by confusion.

Captain Yang asked him, “Do you want to arrange an autopsy for your father?”

Gritting his teeth, he replied, “Conduct the autopsy.”

He was almost certain that Lin Xianglan did not die a natural death. Despite his father having a heart condition, it definitely hadn’t progressed to this extent. People helped him with the procedures, handed him forms, and he signed his name repeatedly. He didn’t know how many times he signed. His mind kept repeating the question: Why did people die?

Busy and preoccupied, he felt that if he tried harder, Lin Xianglan could come back. He hoped Lin Xianglan would suddenly open his eyes, laugh, and say, “Did I scare you? How could your father be someone who falls so easily?”

If such a thing happened, he would definitely adopt a disdainful tone and say lightly, “I had figured it out a long time ago.”

However, a miracle didn’t occur.

They remained busy until evening.

Lin Xianglan’s corpse was taken from the hospital, transported to the City Bureau, and he followed to the Medical Examiner Identification Center. Sitting in the corridor outside the autopsy room, he could see several medical examiners dissecting Lin Xianglan through the glass window. For a moment, he even wished that the person lying on that bed was himself.

It was February, the coldest time of the year, and with a sudden drop in temperature, the corridor outside the autopsy room had no warm air. It felt as cold as an ice cellar.

At ten o’clock, Gu Yanchen came to find him again. He said to him, “Don’t be too sad. Come to the police station with me.”

Unable to withstand the cold any longer, he reluctantly followed Gu Yanchen.

Gu Yanchen walked ahead, and he reluctantly followed behind.

In the police station, Gu Yanchen took him into an office. The heater was on, and there were several boxes of takeout on the desk. Gu Yanchen said, “I bought dinner; have something to eat.”

He shook his head, saying, “I don’t want to eat; I’m not hungry.”

“You haven’t eaten since noon; if you don’t eat, you won’t be able to hold up,” Gu Yanchen said, and then added, “Your father spoke to me before he passed away…”

Not wanting to bring up this topic, Shen Junci tightly clenched his teeth, his fingernails digging into the palms of his hands. A surge of resentment rose in his heart, “While he was alive, he never cared about me. I didn’t hear it clearly at the end, and after his death, it has nothing to do with me.”

Turning himself into a hedgehog, he armed himself with those sharp words, as if this way, he wouldn’t feel sad or hurt anymore.

But Gu Yanchen squatted down, looking up at him. Shen Junci also looked at him. For the first time, he earnestly looked at the man in front of him, suddenly understanding his father’s favoritism towards this subordinate. Despite their two-year age difference, the man before him seemed much more stable. Just by looking at him, Shen Junci felt he was trustworthy and dependable.

After he stabilized his emotions, Gu Yanchen continued, “Your father asked me to take care of you.”

“What does he mean? It’s like I need someone to take care of me,” he said, and as the words left his mouth, the tears he had been holding back began to roll down.

Gu Yanchen explained, “Before he passed away, his biggest concern was you.”

This statement shattered all his defenses. Tears, held back forcefully, continued to flow. Gu Yanchen handed him a pack of tissues.

That night was the first dinner Shen Junci shared with Gu Yanchen. He couldn’t remember what they ate. All he remembered was crying a lot, almost crying and stopping intermittently while trying to force himself to eat the now-cold food. It felt like his stomach was still empty, and he reluctantly tried to put food in his mouth.

Gu Yanchen didn’t say much, just silently stood by his side for a long time. Gu Yanchen took him to his dormitory, suggesting he take a nap. Although he lay down, sleep eluded him. Eventually, he might have developed a fever; his forehead felt scorching.

In the early morning hours, he received the autopsy report of his father. Probably due to being feverish, he could hardly recognize the Chinese characters on the report. It seemed like a mystical script, and he couldn’t comprehend what was written. Staring at the deceased’s name on the report, he finally identified those three characters: Lin Xianglan.

Suddenly, he realized that he no longer had a father.

Afterward, he looked at the conclusion: Death by natural causes.

Confused, he lifted his head, feeling the entire world was surreal, unreal. In any case, from that moment on, he was alone. Whether it was the righteous or the evil, the person blocking his path was no longer there. He had to face it alone.

On that early morning, Gu Yanchen escorted him home, he took some fever-reducing medicine, and drifted into a deep sleep for a day. In his dreams, he vaguely heard someone knocking on the door, but he couldn’t muster the energy to respond. After a long time, the knocking resumed.

This time, without waiting for him to open the door, it swung open on its own. He was still groggy, struggling to sit up, and then he saw Gu Yanchen standing outside.

Seeing him awake, Gu Yanchen explained, “I knocked on your door three times, but you didn’t respond, so I came in to check.”

Three times… he was probably still half-asleep, only remembering two. He glanced out of the window, realizing it had turned dark again. Unconsciously, a whole day had passed.

At this moment, he suddenly remembered something, furrowed his brow, and asked Gu Yanchen, “How did you get my house key?”

Gu Yanchen replied, “Your dad gave it to me. When you were at school, I used to water the flowers.”

He finally understood. The flowers were bought by him because he felt their home lacked vitality. With the dog sent away by Lin Xianglan, he added some green plants. When he couldn’t come home on weekends, he sometimes instructed Lin Xianglan to take care of the flowers. Lin Xianglan had other people handle it, even giving away the keys.

Since he hadn’t opened the door, Gu Yanchen was probably worried he might be in trouble inside. There wasn’t much he could say. With someone in the house, he finally forced himself to freshen up. He knew he must look terrible, his head heavy, and his face and eyes swollen.

Gu Yanchen didn’t hurry to leave, nor did he order food. Instead, he rummaged through the refrigerator, looking for leftovers. In the end, he found three eggs, some leftover rice, and a few carrots, green peas, and shrimp. He washed and chopped them, then started making fried rice.

By the time he finished cleaning up, the fried rice was ready. Gu Yanchen served himself a bowl and sat across from him. This was their second meal together, a simple fried rice made from leftovers. Shen Junci had cried, slept, and finally accepted the fact that even though Lin Xianglan had passed away, life had to go on.

He used to feel his father was rarely at home, lacking a sense of presence. Many things required him to face them alone. Now, he admitted that it was his father who supported the family.

Bowling his head, he ate the rice and said, “Gu Yanchen, you don’t have to come over to take care of me. I’m fine now.”

Gu Yanchen replied, “Your father asked me to look after you.”

Once again, he refused, “I’m not used to others intruding into my life.”

Both fell silent for a moment.

“I promised your father,” Gu Yanchen’s response was somewhat stubborn. He then asked, “How do you plan to handle the funeral arrangements?”

Thinking about it, he admitted he had no experience with such matters. Choosing burial clothes, organizing a memorial service, dealing with ashes, selecting a burial plot—there were so many details. His age and lack of experience in dealing with such things, coupled with a slight fever, made his head feel like it was about to explode. He asked, “Is there really no problem with my dad’s death?”

Gu Yanchen remained silent for a while before saying, “The medical examiner’s report says so.”

Playing with the rice in his bowl with chopsticks, he asked, “Can I request a review of the autopsy?”

Gu Yanchen replied, “You can, but yesterday’s autopsy was conducted by the best medical examiners at the City Bureau. I think you should complete the funeral arrangements as soon as possible. If there’s anything you don’t understand, I can help you.”

He pursed his lips and looked at Gu Yanchen. He felt that the man in front of him didn’t want him to investigate Lin Xianglan’s cause of death too deeply. He also remembered the incident of not hearing the last words. There was a hint of accusation in his words.

“I heard that in the City Bureau, my dad treated you like his own son,” he said, and with a touch of bitterness, added, “Now that your family is happy, you don’t have to bother with my dad’s funeral.”

The implication was clear: my father had died, not yours.

Thinking about the time Lin Xianglan spent with this man, possibly more than with him, especially in his final moments, made him feel bitter. He remembered that when he said those words, Gu Yanchen’s hand holding the chopsticks noticeably paused. A subtle expression appeared on his face, and he spoke, “I never knew who my father was from a young age. Director Lin was genuinely kind to me.”

Hearing this, he also froze, quiet for a while, then apologized, “I’m sorry.”

If he had known that Gu Yanchen also had no father, he wouldn’t have said those things.

Gu Yanchen said, “It’s okay. Let’s make the funeral arrangements for your father.” 

He said, “I know there are many things to prepare, and I need to inform relatives back in my hometown. I’ll be starting school soon, so it’ll probably be around the middle of next month…”

He wanted to delay the time so he could figure out what to do.

Gu Yanchen said, “Okay, when you decide on the date, I’ll coordinate with the funeral home and send condolence messages to my colleagues.”

Quietly continuing to eat his meal, the room’s light shone down, and for a moment, he suddenly felt that having someone by his side at such a vulnerable time, facing the death of a loved one, was a good thing.

Under the light, he looked at Gu Yanchen and realized that, despite the differences in their backgrounds, they were now both without fathers, creating an unexpected sense of empathy. Feeling that he should express his gratitude, he lowered his head, continued to eat, and whispered, “Thank you. The fried rice is delicious.”

He didn’t know what was special about that fried rice; it just tasted so good. It seemed like there was no other taste in the world that could compare.

Shen Junci let out a long sigh, forcing himself to detach from the memories. Those events had unfolded five years ago when he was just 22, still untouched by the realities of the world. His words and actions were marked by stubbornness and naivety. Looking back, he couldn’t help but regret his immature behavior.

After Lin Xianglan’s death, he had, under the guise of Lin Luo, exposed all his vulnerabilities, stubbornness, and capriciousness to Gu Yanchen. He remained silent for several years and now felt that he could finally face everything with enough rationality and composure. He didn’t want Gu Yanchen to recognize him. He preferred to be a stranger, meeting him once again.

Walking over to the computer, Shen Junci habitually left a message. After dealing with all the affairs, he stared at the screen and asked, “Dad, if it were you investigating this case, it should be resolved quickly, right?”

Lin Xianglan, in his younger days, was hailed as the Sherlock Holmes of Penang. It was precisely because of this reputation that he climbed the ranks swiftly. He personally mentored Gu Yanchen. So, he should be able to quickly solve this case as well.