Under Clear Skies Chapter 43: Zhao Xuelan

Chapter 43: Zhao Xuelan

Translated by Fefe of Exiled Rebels Scanlations

Tang Heng felt that he’d had countless dreams. In his dreams, he went back to Wuhan. They were all familiar places—Luoyu Road, Baotong Pagoda, East Lake… In the two years abroad, he would dream of Wuhan practically every night, so it had long become normal.

But this time, it was different. This time, he was already 27 years old in his dream. He wore a suit and tie, like a scholar going to Wuhan Uni for a conference. He walked into the campus and saw that the spring pear and peach blossoms were all blooming—pink and white. There were students riding bikes everywhere. He searched in the crowds for a long time. He couldn’t find Li Yuechi.

He felt that Li Yuechi was still in school, but no matter what, he couldn’t find him.

In the sociology department, he stopped An Yun with the bass on her back. He asked, “Where’s Li Yuechi? Don’t you two have classes together this semester?” An Yun blinked at him, expression confused. He met Tian Xiaoqin in the library and asked her, “Where’s Li Yuechi? Aren’t you two working on a project together?” Tian Xiaoqin smiled at him and didn’t answer. Finally, he ran into red-haired Jiang Ya by the East Gate and asked him if he’d seen Li Yuechi. Under the clear sky, Jiang Ya smiled and said, “Li Yuechi is in jail for murder, did you forget?”

Tang Heng shot up and cried softly, “Li Yuechi!”

He was met with pure darkness and he realized he was sitting on a bed. It was stiff—not his bed in the teacher’s dorm.

Was that a dream? But where was this place? Tang Heng shuddered. He opened his mouth, but he couldn’t produce a sound.

He couldn’t remember where he was his. His memory had cut off. He only remembered that he’d gone to Macao after graduating with his PhD. Yes, technically, he should be in Macao right now—but where was this? The familiar terror was back. He couldn’t remember the time at this moment, couldn’t remember where he was. He was like a lost point that couldn’t find his coordinates. This feeling hadn’t appeared in a long time.

While he was still in a daze, footsteps sounded outside the door. It was followed with a clack and the lights turned on.

He squinted, still dazed, and saw Li Yuechi walk towards him.

No, no. He knew this wasn’t right.

There was no way he was seeing Li Yuechi. He hadn’t seen him—in years. Was this the actual dream? Then what just happened—what was that?

 

“Do you still feel sick?” Li Yuechi sat down beside him and touched his forehead. “You’re not burning anymore.”

Tang Heng grabbed his hand. “Where is this.”

“My house,” Li Yuechi said.

“Impossible.”

“You’re delirious.” He stood and picked up the cup from the table. “Drink some water.”

It was a chipped porcelain cup. The water was hot.

Tang Heng drank the water slowly, slowly, as he looked around the room that he was in. Wooden beams the color of pig blood. Cement ground. Some inconspicuous holes.

There were pitter-patters outside the window.

“I’m in Guizhou,” Tang Heng said.

“Yes, Banxi Village of Shijiang County in Tongren,” Li Yuechi murmured. “You’re on a business trip.”

“…”

As he drank the hot water, his memory finally floated up bit by bit.   

“Tang Guomu raped Tian Xiaoqin.”

Li Yuechi lowered his eyes and did not answer.

“I just found out,” Tang Heng mumbled. “I can’t believe I just found out.”

This time, Li Yuechi just stood up and said calmly, “Sleep a bit more.”

Tang Heng got up reflexively to grab him, but pain shot from the bottom of his feet to his heart. He hissed, remembering just now that he was injured.

Li Yuechi turned around and pressed his shoulders down—with heavy force and his voice was less patient when he said, “Lie down.”

“Where are you going?”

“To make a phone call.”

“Call who?”

“The mayor. And your colleagues.” Li Yuechi looked toward the sky outside the window. “They’ll pick you up when morning comes.” 

Tang Heng couldn’t hold back anymore. He practically threw himself at Li Yuechi in a very pathetic way. He sat on the bed and twisted his body to reach out and grasp Li Yuechi’s waist with all his might.

“I won’t go,” Tang Heng said, word by word, as he tightened his arms. “I won’t go anywhere.”

Li Yuechi scoffed. “This is my house.”

“Don’t kick me out.” 

“Why?”

“I love you.”   

Li Yuechi laughed, not believing him. “Oh.”

“I’m serious.” Tang Heng had never been so terrified in all these years. “Let’s start over, okay? Let’s try again. You’re willing to, right? You said that we can be together while I’m in Guizhou and right now—right now, I’m still in Guizhou.”

“I take that back.”

“Li Yuechi.” Tang Heng was begging him. “Don’t be like this.”

“It’s you who shouldn’t ‘be like this.’ We’re over. It’s been six years.”

“We’ll start over.”

“Start over?” Li Yuechi laughed again. He suddenly grabbed the back of Tang Heng’s neck and loomed over, his expression harsh. “Not everyone is qualified to ‘start over,’ you understand?”

His hand was strong and it didn’t feel good to have his neck in an iron grip, but Tang Heng didn’t struggle. He knew he wasn’t in danger, but he couldn’t explain why. Perhaps even if Li Yuechi pressed a blade against his chest, he still wouldn’t feel danger.

“What do I have to do for you to be willing to be with you?”

“How desperate are you?”

“Desperate.”

“…”

“Li Yuechi.” He had no other way.

Li Yuechi’s Adam’s apple bobbed. He stared at Tang Heng, staring straight into the depths of his pupils. “You want to be with me this badly? Then stay here. You’re not allowed to go out, not allowed to contact anyone.”

Tang Heng seemed to see some specks of light flash past his eyes—some hysteric craze and traces of despair.

“You want to imprison me?”

“It’s better if you fuck off.”

“I’ll do it.” Feeling a little dazed, Tang Heng pressed his damp, sweaty cheeks against Li Yuechi’s shoulder. “Imprison me, then.”

Li Yuechi’s entire body was taut. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t push Tang Heng away either.

Tang Heng sprawled against Li Yuechi’s body and fell into deep sleep like that. After who knew how long, he woke up and found that his clothes had been changed into a clean, old t-shirt.

The bandages on his feet had been changed too.   

It was cold in the mountains. Tang Heng sat up and wrapped the blankets around him.

“Li Yuechi?”

No answer. It was bright outside and he could make out some bird songs.

“He went to the village council.” A moment later, the door was pushed open and Li Yuechi’s mom walked in slowly. She looked at Tang Heng, expression a bit nervous. “Official, are you looking for him? I’ll call him.”

“It’s nothing. Do you know what he went to the village council for?”

“He said it’s to sign a responsibility agreement.”

“Responsibility agreement?”

“He won’t let people take you. The mayor said he has to sign a responsibility agreement.”

“Oh…” Tang Heng paused. “Then I’ll wait for him to come back.”

“Official, are you hungry? There’s congee in the pot.”

“You don’t have to call me ‘sir.’ Just call me Xiao Tang.”   

“That—that’s not proper.” She smiled stiffly. “You’re an official.”

Tang Heng was silent for a moment. Thinking of what happened last night, he asked softly, “Do you know already?”

As expected, her expression suddenly tensed. “I heard from the mayor…”

“The man Li Yuechi stabbed was my uncle.”

“He wasn’t thinking straight. Official, seeing that… that he was in there for four years…”

“How was he while in there?”

“How else could he be?” Li Yuechi’s mom shook her head and said gloomily, “We don’t have any connections or money. He doesn’t tell me when I ask. It’s just that he became so thin…”

“Ma!” Li Yuechi had come in at some point and his expression didn’t look too good. “Didn’t I say that you don’t have to worry about him?”

“Watch your language. The official came for you in the middle of the night, you—”

“Alright, I’ll take care of him,” Li Yuechi muttered. “You go work on what you need to.”

His mom shot a look at Li Yuechi and left. The room quieted down. Tang Heng looked at Li Yuechi and couldn’t help but tug the hem of his gray jacket. He was wearing the jacket and jeans, so he didn’t seem too shin, but Tang Heng knew that the waist covered by the layers of clothing was even narrower than six years ago. Six years ago, he’d tried all sorts of ways to fatten Li Yuechi up. The most common method was to buy a bunch of food at the cafeteria—lotus rib soup, beef noodles, shaomai, steamed buns—and bring it to their apartment. There was no fridge and the food would go bad if they went uneaten, so Li Yuechi had no choice but to eat them all. In the end, Li Yuechi still didn’t get fatter, but he gained 2.5 kilograms. Tang Heng had been very proud.

Now, six years had passed and he didn’t know Li Yuechi’s weight anymore. But when he’d grasped him last night, his embrace had felt empty.

 

“What agreement did you sign?” Tang Heng asked. “I want to see.”

Li Yuechi pulled out a folded piece of paper and tossed it into Tang Heng’s lap.

“…If Tang Heng suffers any life, health or financial damages, Li Yuechi will take responsibility and make the required compensations.” Tang Heng held the thin paper and read it. He saw the words Li Yuechi signed in the bottom right corner. It was Li Yuechi’s handwriting. He could tell at a glance.

“Is this saying that you’re responsible if anything happens to me?”

Li Yuechi didn’t answer, agreeing in tacit.

“Why are you responsible?”

“You’re from the government. The village doesn’t dare to take responsibility.” Li Yuechi glanced at him. “If you leave now, I won’t have to be responsible.”

Tang Heng folded the paper according to the lines. “I’m not leaving. You be responsible.”  

“Wait.”

“Huh?”

“You have to sign it too.” He turned his face so he didn’t have to look at Tang Heng.

“Sure,” Tang Heng said easily. “Give me a pen.”

Li Yuechi handed him a carbon pen. Tang Heng bent over and signed Tang Heng after the words Li Yuechi. Li Yuechi’s handwriting was still so neat and clear, while his name was written on the cotton blankets—squiggly and ugly. Tang Heng stared at their names and thought in a haze, Is this real?

Li Yuechi took the paper from his hands. “What are you doing?” Tang Heng exclaimed.

“I need to make copies at the village council.”

“And then?”

“Hand a copy to each household,” Li Yuechi said impatiently.

 

He came back a while later, walking into the room with a bowl of porridge and two eggs.

“Eat,” he ordered Tang Heng.

The porridge was made of sweet potato and rice. It was very sweet and Tang Heng liked it. However, the two eggs were just plain hardboiled eggs with no taste. Tang Heng stared at the eggs for a moment. Then he asked Li Yuechi, “Did you eat breakfast?”

“Yes,” Li Yuechi answered.   

“Did you eat your fill?”

“Yes.”

“This is too much. I can’t finish it.”

“Then take your time,” Li Yuechi said, face devoid of emotion.   

Tang Heng didn’t know if Li Yuechi did this on purpose or not. When they dated six years ago, he never ate hardboiled eggs. He’d always thought it tasted like fish. When they went to the Dingwu Curry restaurant by their school, he’d always scooped the piece of hardboiled egg from his curry rice onto Li Yuechi’s plate.

Perhaps Li Yuechi had already forgotten. Perhaps anyone would forget after six years.

Tang Heng peeled the egg bit by bit. Li Yuechi sat there and watched for a while. Then he got up, left, and came back soon after.

“Hurry and eat.” He set a bowl down. “I have things to do later.”

There was a shallow pool of soy sauce in the bowl, with a sheen of sesame oil floating at the surface.

“What things?” Tang Heng asked.

“Work.”

“Farm work?”

“Yes.”

“Can I go?”

“Go and be my cheerleader?” Li Yuechi glanced at Tang Heng’s feet. “Stay put in bed.”

Tang Heng dipped the egg in soy sauce and it finally became more edible.

“I can’t keep lying here, right?” Tang Heng said softly. “Bring me out to get some fresh air. Didn’t you say your family has all the fig trees?”

Li Yuechi’s lips twitched and Tang Heng added, “I’ll go wherever you tell me to. I’ll do whatever you say.”

Li Yuechi looked at Tang Heng. His brows furrowed slightly, but it was unclear what he was thinking about. A moment later, he said, “Fine.”

Then he went outside again; Tang Heng heard some clangs and bumps. After eating the eggs, he sat in the room and waited.

Around ten minutes later, Li Yuechi walked in. First, he stood there and studied Tang Heng. Then he suddenly bent over. One arm wrapped over Tang Heng’s knees, while he stuck the other hand under his armpit. “Don’t move,” he murmured.       

Tang Heng blanched. “I can walk,” he said awkwardly.

But Li Yuechi didn’t answer. He lifted him up directly and walked out of the room. This was when Tang Heng saw a wheelchair sitting in the narrow hallway. It was a bit aged, but it had just gotten washed. There were some water streaks on the leather seat.

Tang Heng was sat into the wheelchair and Li Yuechi produced a plastic bottle of water out of nowhere. “Hold it,” he said, handing it to him.

“Oh…” Tang Heng hugged Li Yuechi’s bottle, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

 

Li Yuechi slung on the spray bottle filled with pesticides and pushed Tang Heng out. It had rained all night and it was a clear day now. The sky was pure blue—the best time for farm work. Li Yuechi pushed Tang Heng along, passing by many rice paddies. Some of the villagers had seen Tang Heng before and greeted him warmly. Some even came over to show their concern. Official, what happened? You got hurt? Oh my, Xiao Li, you have to take good care of him! Those who hadn’t seen Tang Heng before also came over to ask Li Yuechi, What’s wrong here? He has all his limbs. Why’re you pushing him?

Tang Heng couldn’t help but grow embarrassed. He felt that this was too exaggerated—he was an able-bodied man, but he had to curl up on the wheelchair, looking kind of idiotic.

Finally, they arrived at the fig tree grove managed by the Li family. It was at the foot of the mountain, a bit far from the rice fields, so there was nobody around. They could only hear chicken clucks in the distance. Li Yuechi didn’t say anything. He just put on his gloves and started spraying the fig trees. Tang Heng stared at him unwaveringly. He wore a pair of thick rubber boots and a plastic robe, kind of like a poncho. His gloves went up to his elbow—they were bright yellow. He really looked like those farmers from an agriculture show, carrying a spray bottle on his shoulder, hand holding the mouth of the spray, and spraying the pesticide with practiced ease. Tang Heng gaped at his movements. They were brisk, clean, and fast. He’d seen Li Yuechi do many things before—fighting, cooking, studying, drinking alcohol… but all of that had happened in the city.

Li Yuechi from six years ago had never told him anything that happened in the village.

 

When Li Yuechi came back, Tang Heng was still dazed. He took off his gloves and held them while pulling two figs from his pocket. “Wanna eat?”

Tang Heng accepted them, grasping them in his palm. “How long has your family had this grove?”

“It was contracted after I was released.”

So, less than two years.

“Does it profit a lot?”

“It’s okay.”

“How much can you make?”

“The village cooperative pays me. Five hundred per month.”

“…”

“You can eat it after peeling,” Li Yuechi said. “These two don’t have pesticides.”

It wasn’t the season for figs right now, so these two were green to the point of being white and were quite small too. But after peeling, they were unexpectedly sweet. “Let’s go somewhere else for a while,” Tang Heng said. “Can we?”

“Mn.”

Li Yuechi brought him to the riverside. There were people bent over, working on the other side. A yellow ox drank from the river.

Their side was quiet, save for the water gurgling.

Tang Heng knew that Director Xu was probably going crazy right now. The hotel in Shijiang was probably in a mess too. They might come over in a short while. He couldn’t hide in this village forever, so perhaps he should discuss some realistic problems with Li Yuechi now.

“You knew long ago, right?” Tang Heng wanted to hold his hand. He hesitated for a moment and just touched his arm. “What Tang Guomu did to Tian Xiaoqin.”

“If I answer, would you believe me?”

“Yes.”       

Li Yuechi lowered his eyes and laughed. “Do you remember—what I said before I stabbed him?”

“I…”

“You don’t remember,” Li Yuechi said calmly. “It’s okay. I know you don’t remember. I’ve known for a long time.”

Tang Heng clutched Li Yuechi’s wrist. The bone stuck out, digging into his palm a bit painfully. Li Yuechi didn’t move, letting him clutch his wrist, until Tang Heng let go a moment later, defeated.

“Tian Xiaoqin’s matter had nothing to do with you.” Li Yuechi gazed at the river water glistening under the sun. “Your uncle’s matter had nothing to do with you either. Don’t worry about it.”

“But you have something to do with me.”

“That was before.”   

“What about now?”

Li Yuechi fell silent. A few seconds later, he said, “Let’s go back.”

 

They took the same route back. On the way, Li Yuechi answered the phone; his tone wasn’t too friendly. When they almost got to the house, he said, “You’re not allowed to trick my mom into saying things.”

Tang Heng nodded. “I won’t.”

“You’re not allowed onto the second floor.”

“Why?”

“My brother is back.” Li Yuechi paused. “He lives on the second floor. He has some mental issues.”

“You and your mom take care of him usually?”

“Yes.”

“It must be hard.”

Li Yuechi shook his head without answering.

When they went in, he indeed heard voices upstairs. Tang Heng listened closely—it was Li Yuechi’s mother and a man’s voice, but he couldn’t hear the words clearly. Li Yuechi pushed him into the room and said half-caringly, half-threateningly, “Stay here.”

Tang Heng nodded. “Where’re you going?” he asked.

“I need to cook.”

“Can I touch your bookshelf?”

“Didn’t you already do it?”

“Right,” Tang Heng said wryly.

 

His phone had been taken away by Li Yuechi and his laptop was still at the hotel. He didn’t have a single bit of electronic devices on him, so his connection with the outside world was cut. He didn’t feel bored though. Instead, he wished this kind of time could last even longer. As long as Li Yuechi was beside him, his time was fulfilling and meaningful.

Tang Heng flipped open his PhD thesis. It was black ink on white paper on the first page, second page—when he got to the abstract, he froze. This page actually had annotations penciled in.

It was very, very light writing, annotating the Chinese definitions next to some complicated English words. Li Yuechi’s words were light gray Chinese characters; his thesis was black English words. For some reason, as Tang Heng stared at those Chinese characters, he could almost see Li Yuechi’s slightly confused expression as he’d searched through the dictionary.

He had been disappointed these past years? Had he felt regret?

Tang Heng put the thesis back. He wanted to read the verdict, but his arm froze in the air for a moment of hesitation. In the end, he didn’t touch the folder.

There were also some old books on the shelf. Most of them were high school teaching materials and problem sets. Just as Tang Heng was about to pull out his physics notebook, a knock sounded from outside the room. Then he heard someone yell, “Xiao Li! Teacher Tang! Are you here?”

Tang Heng scooted over and pressed his ear against the door.

Li Yuechi opened the door outside and said calmly, “Teacher Tang doesn’t feel well. He’s sleeping.”

“Aiya, I heard the doctor say he got a fever?” It was the mayor’s voice. “Does he still have a temperature?”

“His temperature’s down.”

“Ah, Xiao Li, uh, you see, I didn’t know you and Teacher Tang are classmates. If I’d known, then we could’ve avoided so many troubles! Haha! But Teacher Tang’s status is quite special—”

“I know,” Li Yuechi cut him off. “He won’t stay here the entire time.”

“Of course, we can’t keep troubling you. This is technically the village council’s job… How about this? We came over today to visit Teacher Tang. How about we have a meal together?”

Li Yuechi was silent for a few seconds. “Okay.”

Tang Heng opened the door. “Xuezhang, is the food ready?”

The mayor walked over quickly. “Oh, Teacher Tang! How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.” Tang Heng looked at Li Yuechi. “I troubled Xuezhang last night.”

“No problem, no problem,” the mayor said. “I brought some food for you to replenish yourself.”

Li Yuechi didn’t say anything and just went back to the kitchen. The mayor had brought over quite a lot of food—braised pig ears, stewed lamb, chicken soup. He’d probably started preparing early in the morning. He must’ve scared the mayor by coming to find Li Yuechi so much, Tang Heng thought inside.

Li Yuechi didn’t make other dishes. He just mixed two platters of cucumbers, filled four bowls of rice, and went upstairs.

“We’re missing a bowl of rice,” Tang Heng said.

The mayor looked around, pretending to not get it. “Huh? Don’t we have four people?”

“His little brother,” Tang Heng said coldly. “His brother’s back.”

“Oh—Teacher Tang, listen to me.” The mayor lowered his voice and scooted over. “Xiao Li’s brother is a special case. We weren’t purposely trying to hide anything. It was for your safety!”

“What do you mean?”

“I bet you don’t know. To be honest, I only found out a few months ago. Well, how do I put it? You know, these mentally handicapped kids are very aggressive. Like… a bit antisocial, you know?”

“…” Tang Heng turned and stared at him. “Don’t exaggerate.”

“I’m definitely not!” The mayor glanced toward the stairs and lowered his voice even more. “It was many years ago. Li Yuechi’s brother pushed a female volunteer teacher off the mountain with his bare hands.”

For a moment, Tang Heng’s mind went blank. Even his breathing seemed to stop.

“You said, a female volunteer teacher?”

“Yeah, a girl in her twenties came here to teach. I heard that the Li family didn’t have the money for the tuition and she even chipped in… She got pushed off just like that and was handicapped. Tsk, tsk.”

“Is her name… Zhao Xuelan?”

The mayor shook his head. “I wouldn’t know. Should I ask around for you?”

“No—no need.” Tang Heng didn’t realize that his voice was trembling. “No thank you.”