Chapter 11: Bathing
Translated by Addis of Exiled Rebels Scanlations
Editor: Karai
Barely five minutes after entering the room, the door knocked again, and a line of service staff streamed in, delivering hot towels, silver fungus soup, warm milk, millet porridge, a fruit platter, and a thick book. The book’s cover featured a photo of the hotel owner himself—dressed in a suit and tie, gazing into the distance as if the title “The Future Depends on Your Vision” would be an appropriate fit.
However, as Shi Wenze flipped it open, he discovered that the entire book, more than a hundred pages long, was filled with coupons: discounts on food, transportation, lodging, and everything in between. There were deals for spending thresholds, membership discounts, points accumulation to be redeemed for room fees, and even bonuses for using affiliated banks, apps, and gas cards. Each page was packed with a new way to save money, the level of complexity comparable to navigating a myriad of e-commerce platforms during major sales.
Shi Wenze, with his lack of enthusiasm for math, was already overwhelmed. Lin Su, while not interested in the discounts either, broke the silence and asked, “Where’s the performance they mentioned?”
“It’s at the Golden Theatre,” Shi Wenze responded while checking his electronic map. “There’s a shuttle downstairs.”
Lin Su, relieved to avoid another dark walk, stood up and said, “I’ll go see the performance.”
Shi Wenze quickly tore off two tickets and followed him into the elevator. The shuttle to the Golden Theatre, naturally, was also gilded. The driver, a bird-like creature dressed in a neat red uniform and wearing a tall black hat, resembled a royal guard. He greeted the guests with the utmost formality, bowing ninety degrees and saying, “I’m fine, thank you.”
One of the guests, a man in a bathrobe, was clearly unprepared for this exchange and awkwardly responded, “How are you?”
The driver quickly returned with, “And you?”
Lin Su could hardly suppress a laugh, but Shi Wenze seemed to find the interaction amusing. He dragged Lin Su onto the shuttle, leaned out, and said to the driver, “We’re in a hurry.”
The bathrobe-wearing man finally sighed in relief and boarded. He then spent the entire ride with his hand on his forehead, pondering whether he should have initiated the conversation with “How are you?”
Once the shuttle arrived at the Golden Theatre, Lin Su could barely hold back his amusement. After they entered the venue, they were greeted by a loud, upbeat aria of coloratura soprano, filling the hall. They approached the ticket checkpoint, where the attendant, polite and formal, introduced the performance as “The Spring Waltz by Johann Strauss Jr.” and reminded them to be careful.
Shi Wenze, confused by the exchange, initially thought the performance was dangerous. But upon entering, they discovered that “safety” had nothing to do with Johann Strauss and everything to do with the fact that the only route inside was a massive water slide.
Before Lin Su could react, he stepped on the edge and, with a whoosh, slid down. Shi Wenze, startled, immediately chased after him. As Lin Su reached the end of the slide, a massive water wall slammed into them, and they both closed their eyes, bracing for the impact.
“Are you okay?” Shi Wenze asked, as they both sat in the water, trying to regain their bearings.
Still catching his breath, Lin Su glanced at Shi Wenze and said, “Don’t ever make me see your Kaka Le Planet bucket again.”
Shi Wenze, puzzled, responded, “Huh?”
Meanwhile, the coloratura soprano continued her performance, and the lights in the theater flickered to life. The audience raised their glasses in excitement, while the performers on stage, including trapeze artists, acrobats, and even a bizarre group of ballet dancers, stunned the crowd.
At this point, it became clear that the hotel owner’s ambition was for every guest—human or monster alike—to find something entertaining, solidifying the hotel’s unique brand as “hardcore mixing,” blending luxury and chaos into a truly one-of-a-kind experience.
Shi Wenze had dragged Lin Su toward the exit, and together they pushed through the rain, through the wind, through Swan Lake and Tchaikovsky. It could only be described as a hasty escape. Yet only half an hour had passed.
The two of them were completely soaked, their heads dripping with water, and they had come in such a rush that neither of them had packed a suitcase. The convenience store owner, while saying, “I told you to buy raincoats and inflatable boats,” kindly suggested, “The mall should be closed by now, but you can go to the bathhouse. They have clothes there.”
This time, Shi Wenze was smarter. He asked first, “Does the bathhouse have performances?”
The convenience store owner was surprised, as he had never seen someone so fond of performances. “No, it’s very quiet there.”
Finding a quiet public space in the Grand Fortune Hotel was no easy feat, and one should cherish it when they find it.
Lin Su didn’t want to go, but he really hadn’t brought any clothes. He couldn’t just go back to the room, take a shower, and sleep naked. In the end, he had no choice but to give in to reality.
Shi Wenze kept comforting him all the way, “It’s okay. Didn’t the store owner say? The bathhouse is very quiet. We’ll take a shower and leave.”
Clearly, Southerners were still too simple.
The bathhouse had an extravagant name—Supreme Hot Springs. Aside from the overly loud greeting of the usher shouting, “Two male guests!” and all the staff in the lobby stopping what they were doing to applaud enthusiastically after that, the rest of the place was indeed very quiet.
Lin Su told the receptionist, “I need two private rooms.”
The receptionist replied fluently, “All our rooms are private. The package prices are 99, 299, 599, and 899. Sir, which one would you prefer?”
The prices seemed increasingly suspicious, and Shi Wenze emphasized, “We just want to take a simple shower.”
The receptionist didn’t seem to understand what “simple shower” meant.
Shi Wenze further clarified, “A shower.”
This time, the receptionist understood, but she felt her profession wasn’t being respected. She stood up seriously and said, “Sir, we are a luxury, professional bathhouse. Coming to the Supreme Hot Springs just for a shower is like going to a Michelin restaurant and only ordering plain water. It’s practically an insult.”
Shi Wenze was confused. Had he just ordered something inappropriate?
He had almost given up on further communication when he noticed Lin Su seemed to be catching a cold, sneezing into a tissue. Shi Wenze wiped the water off his head and told the receptionist, “The 99 package for two people, and also two sets of clothes. Thank you.”
The receptionist skillfully took the tickets, handed them the wristbands, and informed them that the package area was on the second and third floors.
The elevator smelled warm and humid, with a hint of shower gel.
Shi Wenze whispered, “Are you still cold?”
Lin Su grabbed another tissue, answering with action instead of words.
Shi Wenze, “…”
On the second floor, the lounge was filled with luxurious sofas and high-end massage chairs, and at the most prominent spot was a statue of Poseidon, holding his trident high. Of course, it was painted gold, and his expression no longer looked combative but had a simple, abundant air, as if a couplet should be placed nearby, no longer trying to chase away Zeus, only desiring to protect the hot springs.
Lin Su didn’t want to look at it for long. He took the clothes from the staff and had the fastest shower of his life. Shi Wenze in the adjacent room was equally swift. When they both emerged, dressed in bathrobes, slippers on their feet, and towels drying their hair, something magical happened—the awkwardness they had felt earlier vanished completely. It turned out bathrobes weren’t just a dress code; they were a statement, an integration, a magic.
Lazy, comfortable, with a big logo—who could resist this tempting package?
So, the two who had originally planned a quick in-and-out found themselves strolling toward the lounge.
The staff arrived just in time, bringing fruit, red wine, eye masks, earplugs, and even a massage menu to choose from. It was indeed both professional and proper. Lin Su began to reflect on why he hadn’t gone straight to the bathhouse when he checked in but had wasted time at the Golden Theater instead. Had he known, he would’ve just bought the 899 package and skipped the nonsense. If the second floor was like this, the eighth floor must be even better.
Wasn’t this better than the Kaka Le Planet Cup?
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