Under Clear Skies Chapter 76: Bad Love

Chapter 76: Bad Love

Translated by Fefe of Exiled Rebels Scanlations

Tang Heng saw Lin Lang at Tianhe Airport. He was flying from Wuhan to Sanya, while Lin Lang was flying to Wuhan from Beijing. Their time matched up coincidentally for 30 minutes. Tang Heng had left in a hurry. He hadn’t even brought his laptop and only had an Adidas sports bag. The most valuable thing on him was the guitar on his back.

Lin Lang studied him and said enviously, “Young people are so carefree. You can go wherever you want.”

“When does your company go back to work after the Spring Festival?” Tang Heng asked.

Lin Lang was surprised. “The seventh day. Why? You wanna visit Beijing?”

They were sitting in the airport’s KFC. Many universities were on holiday now and the KFC was full of groups of students waiting for their flights. It was hectic.

Tang Heng wore a brown bucket hat. The rim was pulled down to cover his heavy dark circles. His voice was exhausted, making him stand out from the lively atmosphere.

“I want to visit your company,” Tang Heng said.

“Oh, welcome! When do you want to come?”

“The sooner the better.”

“The eighth, then.” Lin Lang thought about it. “My leader will be at the company on the eighth. He’s in charge of the bands… It’s okay if you don’t want to see him. I can take you to tour the recording studio, dorm, and practice room.”

Tang Heng lowered his head with a chuckle. “You’re sure I will sign with you?”

“No, but I want you to know that I sincerely want to sign you on.” Lin Lang paused as if she was hesitant. “Are you… not going abroad anymore?”

Tang Heng didn’t answer. He was silent for a while before murmuring, “I got a really good offer.”

“Congrats. What school?”

“University of Chicago.”

“Awesome!” Lin Lang cheered with an arched eyebrow. “The top student of my city went there. He’s a teacher and I heard he makes hundreds of thousands of dollars per year.”

Tang Heng nodded. “What do you think I should choose?”

Lin Lang didn’t speak. She seemed to consider it seriously before saying, “You can defer the offer, right?”

“Yeah, I can defer it at most one year.”

“If you don’t want to leave your band… why don’t you try deferring for one year?”

Tang Heng gazed at her and gave her a reserved smile.

“I’ll think about it,” Tang Heng said.

“Yeah, this is about your future, after all. You should discuss it with your family.

Tang Heng seemed to hear a voiceover narration say, No, there’s no need to discuss anymore.

He could delay his school admittance for one year—but what about after one year? After one year, he would still have to leave Li Yuechi for the US. It was only dragging out the problem instead of solving the problem. Would Li Yuechi fall in love with someone else after one year? Would someone else appear and care for him like him? Even if it wasn’t Tian Xiaoqin, there could be a Wang Xiaoqin, Zhang Xiaoqin. There was no difference.

The most effective solution was—Tang Heng had opened his laptop before going to the airport this morning and entered the admittance page of University of Chicago’s website. Today was the last day to pay and hold his spot. This fee wasn’t expensive. It was only around ten thousand-kuai and he could pay it easily, even if he didn’t want to go in the end.

But, you know, a voice in his mind said, You know that delaying this won’t make a difference. You’ll have to make a choice sooner or later. The most important thing is you’ve already made the choice, right? What are you scared of? Scared that he thinks you’re sick? But you love him. What kind of sickness is love? Love is the best thing in the world.

Tang Heng hadn’t slept the entire night and his head felt like a block of wood. He didn’t feel anything.

He clicked on the mouse. In that moment, he knew.

He’d already made the decision.

 

Tang Heng slept like the dead on the flight. When the plane landed, the shaking woke him up. It was close to noon and the sun was brilliant.

He followed the other passengers out of the cabin, crossed the bridge, and entered the terminal, before he realized how weird he looked. He was in Sanya now. Tang Heng took off his coat, but it was still too hot. He took off his sweater, leaving only a tank top on, and tied his hair carelessly into a messy ponytail.

Tang Heng turned on his phone. A few texts popped out. An Yun asked if he could reach Jiang Ya. The Hainan Tourism Ministry welcomed him. Fu Liling told him to go to the hotel and she’d be there in two days. Tang Heng scrolled through the inbox for a long time. In the end, he had to accept that Li Yuechi hadn’t messaged him.   

This wasn’t Li Yuechi’s fault. They’d decided on this. When Tang Heng walked out of the airport, his eyes squinted from the hot sunlight. The sky was very blue, the wind was very warm, and wide palm leaves swayed in the distance. But the scene from last night was right before his eyes. Tang Heng felt dazed. Was all this real right now? He kept thinking that he should be in Wuhan, in that bone-numbing drop of water.

Li Yuechi had said, I never thought you’re sick.

Li Yuechi had said, I didn’t pity you.

Li Yuechi had said, Tang Heng… Tang Heng.

Li Yuechi had hugged him tightly, so strongly that he almost pressed Tang Heng into his bones. It was so cold that winter night. Tang Heng felt that his voice had frozen into ice.

“Don’t you think I’m really weird?” He had clutched Li Yuechi and said earnestly, “You know, I trust that you’re not dating Tian Xiaoqin, but I actually, actually can’t stop thinking those thoughts. I might not be able to stop thinking unless she’s dead—I’m not cursing her. Li Yuechi, sometimes, I really wish I can tell everyone that you’re mine, but I don’t want to hurt you… Sometimes, I want to lock you up, or you can lock me up. Either way, no one will be able to steal you… Aren’t I scary?”

Li Yuechi hadn’t replied. The lashes of his tightly shut eyes had trembled. Tang Heng didn’t know if he was scared or holding something in.

“I just love you. I don’t know either… why love is like this,” Tang Heng had murmured. “Let’s cool down for a while.”

Tang Heng stared at his silent phone and scoffed, laughing at how fake he was. He’d said to cool down and then ran to Sanya in this superficial way. But actually, he just wanted to prove that he was “normal”, right? But he’d given up on UChicago’s offer. He couldn’t imagine how Li Yuechi would react after finding out. Maybe think that he was crazy? Yes, love was the best thing in the world, but he had to admit that he didn’t know what good love was. Maybe what he gave Li Yuechi was bad love. But even bad love was love—how could he love Li Yuechi so much? It didn’t make sense.

 

Tang Heng and Fu Liling celebrated the Spring Festival of 2012 in their new Sanya house. On the night of New Year’s Eve, he couldn’t help but dial Li Yuechi’s number. It had only been 13 days since they’d separated.

Close to midnight, deafening firecrackers exploded outside the window. Tang Heng burrowed his head under the blankets. His heart skipped a beat the instant the call connected.

“Li Yuechi…” He suddenly felt unpracticed. “It’s me.”

“I know.” There was a smile in Li Yuechi’s voice.

“Is it cold at your house?”

“Yeah.”

“I thought it’d be warmer since you’re at a higher altitude.”

“It’s still cold in the mountains and there’s no heating.”

“Are there firecrackers?”

“Yes.”

“Li Yuechi…”

“What’s wrong?”

“I miss you.”

Li Yuechi stopped talking and Tang Heng’s heart raced. Was he annoyed? Or was he unable to reply anymore? Or maybe there was no difference between these two.

The firecrackers outside grew even louder. Tang Heng pressed his phone tightly against his ear, fearing that he would miss Li Yuechi’s voice. But all he could hear was Li Yuechi’s light breathing.

A moment later, Li Yuechi suddenly said, “It’s midnight.”

“Ah,” Tang Heng stammered. “That’s fast.”

“Happy New Year.”

“You too… Happy New Year.”

“Come back if you miss me.” Li Yuechi paused. “I’m in Wuhan. I… miss you too.”