Under Clear Skies Chapter 93: “Okay.”

Chapter 93: “Okay.”

Translated by KarateChopMonkey of Exiled Rebels Scanlations

 

Tang Heng heard a buzzing sound in his head.

This is bad. He thought.

He tried hard to appear normal, but Jiang Ya’s words brought him back to reality in an instant. Cutting wrists—Jiang Ya said he had cut his wrists, that’s what it meant, right?

Tang Heng unconsciously wanted to escape. As he turned around, his right foot suddenly kicked something, making a loud noise in the silent night.

Tang Heng was stunned for a few seconds, lifted his leg to run away, but he was too late.

Li Yuechi had already grabbed his arm.

“Oh, Heng Heng, you’re awake?” Jiang Ya was startled, his tone sounded guilty. “Um, I’m a bit tired, I’ll go back to sleep first, see you tomorrow!” He said as he ran off.

Tang Heng: “…”

Li Yuechi still held onto his arm tightly. It was pitch black all around, so Tang Heng couldn’t see his expression.

Only the sound of his breathing seemed a bit more urgent than usual.

After a while, Li Yuechi said, “You kicked a flower pot.”

“Oh…”

“Does your foot hurt?”

“Not really…”

“You’re dressed too lightly, go back.”

“What about you?”

Li Yuechi didn’t answer.

Tang Heng cursed himself for getting drunk. Now he was slower to react than usual, speaking without thinking, all driven by impulse. Yeah, it was normal that Li Yuechi wouldn’t want to deal with him now. He had just gone wild at Li Yuechi when he was drunk, and now Li Yuechi knew about the wrist-cutting incident. What would Li Yuechi think—probably anyone in their right mind would find him terrifying.

And would avoid him.

Tang Heng lowered head and said softly, “Then I’ll go back…”

Li Yuechi gave a faint “hmm”.

Tang Heng wanted to go back, but… Li Yuechi was still holding onto him.

Li Yuechi’s hand grabbed his hand.

Tang Heng said in confusion, “Li Yuechi?”

No response.

Even his breathing became barely audible.

“Li Yuechi?” he called out again.

A cold night breeze blew over, and his body shivered slightly.

Suddenly, a drop of water fell on the back of his hand.

How could there be warm water?

Two seconds later, Tang Heng urgently said, “Li Yuechi, don’t, don’t listen to Jiang Ya! It’s not that exaggerated, really. I didn’t intend to commit suicide. I was just experiencing some auditory hallucinations at the time, my mind wasn’t very clear, and I thought I was in Wuhan—”

Before he could finish speaking, Li Yuechi suddenly exerted force and pushed Tang Heng against the wall.

But it didn’t hurt either, because Li Yuechi’s palm was cushioned behind his head. Just like many times before.

Their bodies were pressed together, Li Yuechi’s face inches away from Tang Heng’s.

Tang Heng still couldn’t see his expression clearly, but he could hear his no longer suppressed heavy breathing. Tang Heng knew it was because he was crying.

How long had they known each other?

This year marked the seventh year.

Tang Heng mused dazedly, seven years. It seemed like the first time he had seen Li Yuechi cry. So Li Yuechi could cry too? He always felt that Li Yuechi had a heart of steel. Seven years ago, on that night when Li Yuechi shielded him from a beer bottle, he didn’t even furrow his brow when the doctor cleaned the wound, as if he was naturally devoid of pain; six years ago, in the evening—that was something he later saw in the surveillance footage—Li Yuechi walked into the sociology department with a dagger in hand, looking calm, not like someone who was going to stab someone but just handing in an assignment.

Tang Heng raised his hand, his fingertips touching the stubble on his chin, then Tang Heng groped around and his palm pressed against his damp cheek. He was indeed crying.

“Really, I didn’t lie to you…” Tang Heng stuttered, “I thought at the time… I was in Wuhan, and you were there too. The feeling was too real… so I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to die, really, I just wanted to confirm if it was a hallucination, so I made a cut… I didn’t aim properly, I wanted to cut the back of my hand.”

More hot tears flowed into Tang Heng’s palm.

Li Yuechi finally spoke, “I’m sorry…”

“You don’t need to apologize…”

“I thought you would hate me, then forget about me.”

Tang Heng smiled bitterly, “I did hate you…”

“I didn’t have any other choice at that time…” Li Yuechi choked up for a moment, his voice extremely hoarse, Tang Heng could tell he was suppressing something, “I really didn’t have any other choice… If it were me now, I probably wouldn’t do that, but back then I really… Tang Heng.”

“Yeah…”

“I regretted it during those years in prison…” Li Yuechi said hoarsely, “I regretted many things, like I should have been with you, I shouldn’t have gone to Han University, I shouldn’t have neglected Tian Xiaoqin… because those years were really hard to bear. But you know what? Now, I actually feel like I deserve it.”

“Li Yuechi, stop talking—”

“I almost got you killed, didn’t I?” A sob was suppressed by him, turning into a forceful cough, “Whatever I suffer, I deserve it, I owe you.”

“Li Yuechi!” Tang Heng approached him, asking in pain, “Can I understand… that you love me?”

“Of course…”

Tang Heng froze, not expecting him to admit it so easily.

“I love you…” Li Yuechi followed Tang Heng’s arm, down to his wrist, “Very much…”

Where Li Yuechi’s fingertips touched, there was a very fine, shallow scar.

He traced that scar with his fingertips, his movements gentle like he was touching clouds and feathers; light, yet really trasuring.

“Li Yuechi, say it again.”

“I love you…” He paused for a second, “Very much…”

Tang Heng let out a long breath.

“Li Yuechi…” he asked again, “Can we be together?”

“Not now…”

“Why?”

Li Yuechu softly said, “I need to confirm something.”

He raised his hand to wipe his face, turned his head to cough a few times. Then he grasped Tang Heng’s shoulder, his tone very serious, “Jiang Ya told me that An Yun is also coming back.”

“Yeah…”

“When I stabbed Tang Guomu back then, part of it was because of her, no, these things aren’t the most important… Tang Heng, can I ask you a question?”

“You can…” Tang Heng’s voice trembled slightly, he had a premonition that the next question might change his life thereafter.

“If you lost all your relatives, all of them— including your mom, and then only you and me are left, just the two of us, could you accept that?”

“By ‘lost,’ do you mean they’re all dead?”

“No, just… you can’t face them anymore.”

“Just you and me.”

“Yes…”

“My mom helped Tang Guomu with something, right?”

Li Yuechi gritted his teeth, “Yes. At that time, I didn’t dare tell you… I didn’t have the right to take away all your closest relatives, you had already lost your father, I couldn’t…”

“Li Yuechi…” Tang Heng took a deep breath, “I accept…”

“…”

“It’s not you taking away my relatives, it’s that they’re leaving me themselves, do you understand?”

“But…”

“Will you be responsible for me?” Tang Heng said softly, “If I really have nothing left, will you be responsible?”

“I will…”

“How will you be responsible?”

“By loving you forever…”

“We’ll be together forever.”

“Okay…”

“No matter what happens, no matter who tries to stop us, you can’t leave me.”

“Okay…”

“If my illness relapses, you can’t abandon me.”

“Okay…”

“I only have you, and you can only have me.”

“Okay…”

“You know, you’re actually losing more…” Tang Heng’s nose tingled, finally unable to hold back, “Even if you don’t want me, I won’t go back to find Tang Guomu and them.”

Li Yuechi said calmly, “I accept…”

Tang Heng stared blankly, another gust of cold wind blew over him, brushing past his flushed nose. The wind carried the scent of budding spring vegetation, as if this gust of wind evaporated the alcohol inside him, leaving him much clearer-headed.

“Li Yuechi, so are we together now?”

“Yes. Any other requests?”

“Let me think… whatever I give you in the future, you mustn’t reject it.”

“Okay…”

“You’re not allowed to feel unworthy of me again.”

“Okay…”

“Tell me everything that has happened in these six years.”

“Okay…”

“Kiss me, right now.”

“Okay—”

In the darkness, Li Yuechi chuckled softly.

Then he leaned down and kissed Tang Heng very forcefully.