He and It Chapter 116: Utopia (12)

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Chapter 116: Utopia (12)

Translated by Addis of Exiled Rebels Scanlations

Editor: GaeaTiamat

 

Gu Xingqiao sighed.

He did not know what to say. The fact that Tian Yuan chose to communicate by letter was already beyond his expectations.

He held the other party’s letter. For some reason, from across the distance of a piece of paper, those dissected matters of the heart seemed alive and slightly burning in his hand.

“…As you said, and I agree, my arrogance, indifference, and insensitivity are all character traits that can be considered flaws. I am an intelligent being, but I am an intelligent being born from machinery. Before I met you, I looked at my hands and never considered the question: would my cold heart make you feel more disconnected from me than my cold skin?” 

After reading the first page, Gu Xingqiao gently put it down and turned to the next.

“That day, you asked me about my love for you. Whether it is out of love for things, or for the same kind of love. I considered that for a long time, but I cannot give you an accurate answer. You are not an object, so I cannot do with you as I please. I want you to laugh, talk and walk spontaneously. To feel you walking aimlessly around the warship, or sitting, lying down, or relaxing, causes my chest to fill with joy because it’s so good to see a real, unpredictable you.” 

“However, you are the same as I am. We are very different in our makeup, and in our species. Your toughness is undeniable and your beauty is amazing, but your body is so fragile, I don’t know what to do with you. A small, insignificant wound made on me could destroy you a hundred times over.” 

“Just two weeks ago, I made the comment that your artificial thoracic spine was ‘better suited to the battlefield, so it was logical’, but now – now that I’m writing this – when I think of the scars, the replaced thoracic vertebrae…I cannot stand thinking about it. Even if it’s just my simulation of what it was like.” 

On the paper the words were a heavy staccato, in an erratic handwriting, which brought the whole paragraph to an abrupt end.

“…I’m sorry. I lost control of the force of my grip and I broke the pen. I’d like to say that even though it was just a simulation of the scene, I’m tormented by extreme anger.” 

“There was a stain, and I was tempted to change the paper, but then I considered that it might give you a small glimpse of my state of mind so I tolerated the imperfection, and I ask you to forgive me for that.” 

What kind of person would speak of his or her heart’s feelings in such a straightforward way? 

Gu Xingqiao smiled helplessly.

“In such a short period of time, my attitude has changed radically. I believe that this could be considered one of the terrible things about love?” 

At the end of the long letter, Tian Yuan wrote, “You are not a kindred spirit, nor an object. You are you, and you are unique in the universe. It is true that my understanding of feelings is not as mature as yours, but I will learn. You may not trust me, but please trust my ability to learn.” 

“According to human custom, I need to end this by wishing you all the best, but since you are here, I won’t allow you to be unhappy, so I will omit this sentence. Tian Yuan.” 

He finished reading.

Gu Xingqiao held the letter, then sat silently by the bedside for a long time. Then he stood up, went to the drawer and took out a file bag. He unfolded the two pieces of letter paper and pressed them flat, put them in, and then went back to the food cart and picked up the cutlery.

“Silly words,” he muttered, forking up the steak that had been kept at a perfect temperature and shoveling it into his mouth. He chewed it then sipped the sweet and sour tomato soup.

…That was a lot of stupidity.

.

At night, when the clock had reached twelve again, Gu Xingqiao lay on his bed, his hands behind his head. On the table was a pile of crumpled paper, with the pen buried in the middle of it. The whole thing was a mess.

He was thinking about whether to write back to Tian Yuan.

He wanted to reply somehow, but there was no way to do so. But he felt it would be wrong if he didn’t reply.

Trouble, trouble…

Gu Xingqiao rolled over and felt depressed.

However, on the bright side, this time, at least it was both of them who were struggling with relationship problems. Unlike in the past, when he and Sissel were rumored to be in a relationship, that bastard neither denied nor admitted it. At most, when the rumors were really spreading, he advised casually that “people should stop talking about it” or “it’s not what you think.”

Fuck. The more I remember, the more disgusted and angry I get. How come I didn’t see his black heart and rotten soul in the first place, and only realized that I was stupid enough to fight for him? 

In order to prevent himself from falling into a more depressed and self-destructive state of mind, Gu Xingqiao forced himself to divert his thoughts and put his focus back on Tian Yuan.

To write a letter.

He rolled over again.

It was such an old-fashioned method, I don’t know why I read it…It’s quite long. So, why don’t I know what to write once I put my pen to the paper? When I was in military school, I was number one in culture.

Gu Xingqiao was puzzled, but deep down he knew that it had little to do with any culture. It was purely a matter of the desire to talk to Tian Yuan. Someone who had something to say to him, which had led to two large pages of densely-packed writing to which he could only reply. As for himself, he could only think of responding with “Feelings can’t be understood overnight. I’m sorry, I can’t give you the answer you want.”

If that was the case, it would be better not to answer the letter.

He sighed. Tiredness gradually overcame him and Gu Xingqiao fell asleep.

The next day, when he woke up, still laying in bed, he saw the pile of disorganized paper balls on the table.

He averted his eyes sheepishly, and got out of bed to wash up. After he wiped his face clean, he looked at himself in the mirror, his hair all disheveled.

A new day had come, and no matter how much he was playing a cold war, Tian Yuan had sent that letter, so he should…

There was a sound in the distance, and the door opened.

Gu Xingqiao turned around and saw that it was the food cart.

In addition to the usual breakfast, there was a page of paper and a huge, flaming red bouquet of roses.

Gu Xingqiao walked over, picked up the roses and looked at them.

No, they weren’t roses.

The branches and leaves were as clear and bright as crystal, while the petals were more colorful and beautiful. However, not only were they not roses, they weren’t even flowers.

Puzzled, Gu Xingqiao tapped the petals with his fingernail. The sound was like gold or stone, as the thin petals hit each other like a series of tiny wind chimes ringing from the eaves.

What kind of material was it? 

Gu Xingqiao wiped his hands and scrutinized the material. Then, with a flash of insight, he stared at the bouquet in his hands and said incredulously, “Chloro-crystal?” 

He couldn’t be seeing things wrong. That precious interstellar mineral was the best raw material for the production of warship energy pods. It was able to perfectly isolate the radiation and block any leakage, but its production was very rare, and the galaxy’s existing mineral sources were all firmly held by the royal family.

This was also the unit of currency used to measure his value. The amount of money that the Empire offered for Gu Xingqiao’s arrest was enough to be used in the construction of six Styx-class warships. It caused his value to skyrocket, and placed him on top of the list of most wanted criminals in the galaxy.

Right now, with that bouquet in his hands, forget catching one Gu Xingqiao, even if he caught seven or eight, he was afraid that there would still be money left for another bounty.

He hurriedly went to turn over the paper on the food cart. Tian Yuan’s highly recognizable handwriting jumped out in front of his eyes.

“Good morning. Did you sleep well last night? According to human custom, sending flowers can express apology, while sending roses can express love. These are roses specially bred for you. I hope you like them.” 

Specially bred..Special, my ass. What do you use to grow this kind of flower? Metal shavings for soil, with steel and copper for flower fertilizer? 

Gu Xingqiao held the flowers. He couldn’t stand it any longer. He shouted, “Tian Yuan!” 

The room was silent for a long time. Everything was quiet. There wasn’t a sound.

He shouted again, “I know you can hear me!” 

There was a soft movement behind him. Gu Xingqiao turned around. Tian Yuan was standing in the doorway, silently looking at him.

He hadn’t changed much, but after not seeing him for a few days, Gu Xingqiao, felt a bit uncomfortable when he faced his gaze.

“… Your letter, I read it.” Since he was determined to be the ice-breaker, he had to follow through with the responsibility to the end. The young man said simply, “It’s written quite…sincerely.” 

Tian Yuan nodded. He still didn’t say anything, just looked down at Gu Xingqiao. The shadows on his face, made his expression seem vaguely aggrieved.

“I wanted to write back to you, but I didn’t know what to say.” Gu Xingqiao coughed. “So I’m not replying for now. When I figure it out, I’ll write.” 

He held up the simulated roses – perhaps the most expensive roses in all the galaxy – and asked, “Why did you give me these?” 

Tian Yuan was silent for a moment, then said slowly, “I picked them.” 

I believe you to hell.

Gu Xingqiao said, “Come on. This is worth a lot of money, you should use it for something more necessary, better than using it as art…” 

Tian Yuan walked up to him. Gu Xingqiao clutched the Cloro-crystal Rose, as the other person snagged Gu Xingqiao’s waist and led him forward.

Gu Xingqiao, “?” 

Through the corridor, up and down the stairs…Tian Yuan gently squeezed him as he brought him to a room similar to a greenhouse.

Tian Yuan said, “See? I didn’t lie to you.” 

Gu Xingqiao instantly froze.

The garden was full of crystal roses in full bloom; a blaze of splendor. Ten thousand nightingales singing ten thousand men’s sorrows and joys dedicated to ten thousand hearts drained of blood for love, might not be enough to match the scene in front of him.

“I only tell the truth,” Tian Yuan said with a calm expression. “I’m the one who picked them.” 

Gu Xingqiao was shocked.

Tian Yuan’s voice was low, but sounded like a disgruntled mumble. “I know that the human empire uses this cheap stuff as a bounty for you, right? So, I’ll just give you this whole garden of roses, but it’s still not comparable to your value.” 

Gu Xingqiao lowered his head, and hid his face behind the enormous, heavy bouquet.

He suddenly laughed.

He didn’t know why he laughed, but he couldn’t stop it from rising up his throat. It was the first time he had ever laughed without a care in the world in front of Tian Yuan. He laughed until tears sprang from the corners of his eyes.

“Since you picked it from here,” he finally managed to say as he turned to the dumbfounded Tian Yuan, still holding the crystal bouquet of flowers in front of his chest, “Then surely you can put it back in, right?” 

Tian Yuan looked at him blankly. He didn’t say anything, just nodded.

“Then I’ll trouble you,” Gu Xingqiao said. “Flowers look good in a garden. Since you promised to give me this ‘Rose Garden’, my request should be reasonable, right?” 

Tian Yuan, “Yes. Yes.” 

Gu Xingqiao laughed, left a puzzled Tian Yuan where he was, and ran away by himself.

He thought, What a fool. He’d just got the hang of things then pushed it too far.

However, joy can also bring sorrow. Gu Xingqiao had just finished laughing, went back to his work out in the morning, then took a nap. However, he had nightmares again.

This time, he dreamed about how after he was prosecuted for treason, and according to the laws of the Empire, he had to be escorted back to his home planet for judgment.

There, he faced the criticism of his homeland and the disdain of his people. Overnight, he had changed from the hero, Morning Star, that everyone admired, to the traitor that everyone accused him of being.

The love and hate of the Wine God Folk wasn’t clear-cut at that moment. Gu Xingqiao really couldn’t tell whether they really hated him; whether they hated the betrayal that Sissel had forged for him; or whether they had finally found an outlet for the hundreds of years of oppression and humiliation in him. 

In the dream, his limbs were bound and chained, while the sunlight of his native land was so white, hot and blinding that he could not even hide in his own shadow. He was like a small speck of dust, as he curled up on his knees.

“No. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t me…” 

“… Xingqiao, wake up! Don’t sleep!” 

The ethereal voice tugged at his soul one over and over, as if it wanted to pull him up all the way to the sky.

“Wake up! Wake up!” 

Tian Yuan’s voice was incredibly clear in his ears. In an instant, Gu Xingqiao violently opened his eyes. He was covered in cold sweat, like he had just been fished out of a river in the middle of winter.

“You’re having nightmares again,” Tian Yuan said quietly as he looked down at him.

Gu Xingqiao’s eyes were lax, his gaze seemed focused on Tian Yuan, while at the same time it focused on many distant things beyond him.

“…Hold me.” His eyelashes fluttered blankly. His whole body was shivering with cold, and even his teeth chattered.

He hissed, “Hard.” 

Tian Yuan looked at him in surprise. He hesitated for a brief second before he tucked him into his chest. His eight exoskeleton arms came together to form an impenetrable barrier around him.

“…Harder,” Gu Xingqiao said.

Tian Yuan hugged him tightly, while his skin radiated a steady stream of warmth he said disapprovingly, “Your bones aren’t able to withstand the force of my upper body. They’ll shatter.” 

Gu Xingqiao merely mumbled repeatedly, “Harder.” 

“I refuse to grant your request,” Tian Yuan said. “It is unreasonable. I refuse to hurt you.” 

After a while, Gu Xingqiao went limp in his arms.

A long time later he said, “That’s enough. I’m much better. Let go of me.” 

Tian Yuan pondered for a moment, and replied, “I refuse to agree to this request as well.” 

Gu Xingqiao, “?” 

After a moment of dismay, Gu Xingqiao began to wriggle and struggle in the arms of the warship’s incarnation. However, resistance was futile. Tian Yuan’s arms were like iron pythons, and they entangled the young man’s body and insisted on holding him close to his chest.

“I refuse to agree to your request,” Tian Yuan said calmly. “It’s a well-known fact that it is easy to invite a god in but hard to send him away.” 

Gu Xingqiao, “…”