He and It Chapter 115: Utopia (11)

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Chapter 115: Utopia (11)

Translated by Addis of Exiled Rebels Scanlations

Editor: GaeaTiamat

 

With that hiccup out of the way, they continued on their journey.

The forest was deep and dense, while an artificial miniature sun hovered in the imitation clouds, as if a rainstorm was ready to fall.

Tian Yuan reached out and plucked a lumpy, thick-skinned fruit from a swaying branch nearby. With a little pressure from his fingers, the hard outer shell opened up like soft cotton wool, to reveal chunks of tightly packed flesh, golden as honey, that gave off a strange aroma.

“Eat this.” After he handed it to Gu Xingqiao, he continued to walk forward.

Gu Xingqiao broke off a piece. It was sweet and crispy, and the abundant juice flowed straight down his throat. As he ate, he saw nearby a small, black, furry animal in the dense forest. It was poking its head and looking their way. He couldn’t help but smile a little, and put the half-eaten fruit on the ground.

Tian Yuan glanced back, but said nothing.

“Come on, this way.” 

The scooter circled and turned onto a secluded forest path. After about a half hour’s drive, Tian Yuan stopped.

He pushed his way through the dense branches of the trees, then turned his body sideways and lifted up a natural barrier of vines that hung like a curtain with his hand to create a hole and indicated that Gu Xingqiao should go through first.

Gu Xingqiao didn’t know what was in front of him, but he wasn’t afraid that it was a trap. He jumped down from the vehicle, but the moment he passed through the hole, he subconsciously blocked his eyes.

The sky suddenly brightened, as if the clouds had backed away from the sun. The heavy fragrance of flowers enveloped him; the aroma almost had a physical presence.

It was a field of flowers.

He slowly lowered his hand to see a vast expanse of a beautiful mix of pink and purple; a sea of different colors condensed on the forest floor. Bees and butterflies danced about among the blooms, and as the wind went by the branches of the flowers swayed along with the glittering wings of the butterflies in a frenzy of splendor. 

“…What else do you have hidden in here?” Gu Xingqiao asked after a long moment. “Is there a sea here?” 

Tian Yuan replied, “There could have been, but I terminated the marine cultivation program.” 

Without waiting for Gu Xingqiao to ask why, he continued, “The more homogenous the species involved, the more fragile the ecosystem. However for a warship, the more complicated ecosystems there are, the more vulnerable the warship is. I wasn’t designed to be a space cradle.” 

Gu Xingqiao didn’t say anything, but in the face of the beauty in front of him, it became a rare moment when he didn’t sneer at Tian Yuan.

“You like it,” Tian Yuan commented.

Sensing that Gu Xingqiao was in a good mood, his emotional processing module also had a strange ripple, it was a little greater than happy, and slightly more poignant than satisfied…

Perhaps, this was what it feels like to be “pleased”? 

“Of course, there are few people who don’t like a nice view,” Gu Xingqiao stood carefully at the edge, as he carefully avoided stepping on the base leaves of the flowers.

All the flowers had been well cared for. They reached chest-high, and their vigor almost overflowed from their delicate petals. They bloomed with a disheveled air and lack of order, as if they hadn’t been kept in a starship greenhouse at all, but had fought for thousands of years in a harsh natural environment.

Tian Yuan blandly remarked, “You don’t have to be so careful. If they are given enough time, their roots will pierce through the titanium and steel floor.” 

Gu Xingqiao asked, “Really? Then I can go in…?” 

“Yes.” Tian Yuan read his mind. “Go. If you don’t disturb the nectar-gathering insects, they won’t  attack you.” 

Gu Xingqiao couldn’t help but smile. He took a step into a gap in the flower field. The strong branches of the flowers brushed against his body, and as they swayed around, they also smeared pollen on his skin.

It was as if he had traveled back in time, a long, long way. So long that he thought it was a lifetime ago, back when there was a field of flowers like this in his hometown. He vaguely remembered that the sunlight shining on the yellow flowers always made people forget the difference between the sky and the ground.

In those idle days, he often lay in the middle of that flower field and looked at the violet dome of the sky, divided into many irregular shapes by the flowers, unable to distinguish between a second and a day, a day or a lifetime. He only wanted it to continue.

Wherever he walked, butterflies fluttered in surprise, like a colorful mist that rose and fell again. Gu Xingqiao picked up a flower that had broken off and watched as the butterflies fluttered around him in curiosity.

The butterflies were huge, and when their palm-sized wings flapped back and forth, they practically created small whirlwinds. Gu Xingqiao was gazing at the aurora borealis-like colors on their bodies, when a butterfly flew in low from the side, grabbed the flower in his hand, and quickly snatched it away.

Gu Xingqiao was astonished. What kind of butterfly was that? Not only was it strong, but it also possessed a strong sense of territory.

He tried to reach out and catch it, but while the big butterfly flew in front of him it was still good at dodging and wouldn’t let him catch it.

Gu Xingqiao was pricked with a desire to win. He grabbed at it a second, third and fourth time…and before he knew it, he was already deep in the center of the flower field. Just as he was done being playful and ready to get serious, he suddenly realized how childish he’d been acting and his arm froze in mid-air.

How old are you to be bothering with a butterfly? He reprimanded himself, as he quickly corrected his posture and withdrew his hand.

However, when he withdrew his hand, his movement was a little awkward. His palm brushed past the stamen of a blossom next to him, and touched a furry thing.

Gu Xingqiao subconsciously grasped it in his hand, then brought it up to take a look. It was a black and yellow colored, fluffy creature.

A big, fat, black and yellow bee, lying on its back in his hand, stared at him without moving.

Gu Xingqiao, “…” 

Gu Xingqiao hastily opened his fingers, and flattened his hand to show that he had no ill intent. You hurry up and go.

The bee waited for a long moment, but when it didn’t see him take any other action, it slowly rolled over, twisted its fat fuzzy butt, then flew away, only a bit wobbly..

Gu Xingqiao abandoned the big butterfly and tiptoed after the bee to see where it would go. After he had the bee for a while, he saw it lying on its back then on its left side, as it met up with a few of its companions for some socializing.

As he walked, the sea of flowers divided into a snaking, winding path. During that time, he also stepped on a straight smooth branch of suitable thickness, just right for his hand, and gladly picked it up as a walking stick.

Gu Xingqiao stood up and looked ahead in amazement as he finally saw the bees’ hive.

“Wow…” As he held the branch in his hand, he straightened up from the flower field, “A hive of this size would be big enough for a human being to live in…” 

It was the truth. A huge circular hive, as big as a house, stood on the edge of the flower field, while fat bees like the one before moved in and out. He suddenly realized that the honey Tian Yuan used in his cooking was produced there. 

As he thought of Tian Yuan, Gu Xingqiao suddenly felt a sense of awakening as if from a dream.

He could only say that a flower field in space was too confusing, just like a hotel at the bottom of the sea, or a wheat field in the sky. It created a kind of time and space disorientation, and it was easy for people to temporarily forget the reality around them.

He hadn’t seen his childish behavior of chasing butterflies and following bees, did he…? 

With a slight blush, Gu Xingqiao turned his head and glanced in Tian Yuan’s direction.

In the far distance, Tian Yuan’s silhouette was like a bright white dot. Gu Xingqiao deluded himself and pretended that he hadn’t seen it, then continued to crouch down, as he stared intently at the bees’ every move.

Tian Yuan, with his hands behind his back, dragged the entire video into his Gu Xingqiao archive space without a change in his expression.

The disorganized and chaotic currents in his heart were disturbing him, but it wasn’t in a bad way that disturbed the peace. It was…

Tian Yuan quickly searched his vocabulary, as he tried to pick the right word to describe his current situation, but to no avail.

When he saw Gu Xingqiao tentatively grabbing at the butterfly, then gazing at the bee in the palm of his hand, his usual cold and unsmiling demeanor had completely disappeared. Tian Yuan was surprised and puzzled, as if he had accidentally seen the other side of a gemstone which shone with a very different light.

His core processor vibrated with heat, then the heat simultaneously spread to his limbs and organs. His body itched and tingled, and a bubbling urge brewed deep in his chest.

The warm feeling even reached the corners of his lips and made him want to smile.

And so, Tian Yuan really smiled.

His lips curled in a tentative and awkward manner. However the rest of the muscles in his face didn’t move which gave the smile a horror-movie scary feeling.

How do I record this physical reaction? 

Over the long distance, his eyes tracked Gu Xingqiao’s every movement. Bees buzzed and butterflies fluttered around the young man…Tian Yuan suddenly focused on the swarm of butterflies.

Butterflies, thought the artificial being, I see.

When he looked at him, it was like a hundred butterflies were fluttering in the pit of his stomach.

At the same time, his vocabulary pinged and explained to him the meaning of the metaphor.

The metaphor was usually used to describe apprehension. I’m not apprehensive

It described a state of panic…I’m not panicky. No, I’m a little bit panicky, but not in the broadest sense of the word.

Lastly, the feeling of being touched by a secret love…

Tian Yuan’s eyes suddenly froze, and the waterfall of data was simultaneously interrupted for a moment.

Heartache? Crush? 

I don’t…I…? Crush: the state of mind of being in love, or favoring an individual, without expressing it verbally. Adoration: a strong expressive emotion that occurs after being attracted to an individual.

Me? Adoration? 

At that moment, Tian Yuan’s central processor seemed to crash. He could understand many human emotions: hatred, happiness, sadness or love, but he had never understood the concept that “I adore a human being.” It was not right…!

“…No, it is logical,” Tian Yuan said to himself. “If I can feel angry or happy, then I should also be able to feel adoration towards an object. That is logical.” 

In an instant, the crux of the matter was exposed to broad daylight, and his abnormal behavior over the past few days had a reasonable explanation.

Because I love him, I treat him differently. I elevated his authority to that of a collaborator, I was willing to share the resources of my terminal with him. I watched him, analyzed him, and got close to him. His defiance made me angry, while arousing his pleasure made me feel smug.

So that’s it. I can’t believe it’s like this.

He was unaware of how long he’d been idle. In the meantime Gu Xingqiao, thirsty and holding up a flower, trekked back across the field and headed towards Tian Yuan who was standing stiffly, only his eyes moved as he subconsciously followed all the other’s movements.

“Hey,” Gu Xingqiao shouted. “What are you doing?” 

Tian Yuan’s eyes flickered, and he refocused on Gu Xingqiao.

“I’m thinking about something,” he said emotionlessly.

“Really?” Gu Xingqiao said casually, as he got a glass of water from the scooter. “What were you thinking about?” 

“I love you,” Tian Yuan said.

Gu Xingqiao sprayed a mouthful of water everywhere. The misty beads were hazy in the artificial daylight, as they built a happy rainbow bridge.

He coughed and hastily wiped his chin.

“–Wh…what?!”

Tian Yuan’s voice was measured and calm as he turned toward Gu Xingqiao and repeated the words the same way he would say, “Today’s dinner is scrambled eggs.” 

“I love you. If you didn’t hear me, I can keep saying it until you do. If you don’t understand what it means, I can explain it word by word to–” 

“Wait, wait, no!” Gu Xingqiao gasped in near horror as he looked at him.

He had always felt that his life was like a glass statue that had fallen to the ground. From the time he was born to the time he was stabbed in the back by Sissel, those cracks had patched up, and they could just barely hold on. After the betrayal, the statue had completely shattered; broken to pieces. However, just when he thought his life would never be the same again…

The artificial moron in front of him picked up the glass slag, and happily put it under a hydraulic press.

“…Are you serious?” Gu Xingqiao’s voice rose. “Or are you practicing how to make ‘not-so-funny-but-more-like-creepy’ jokes?” 

“I’m not practicing making ‘not-so-funny-but-more-like-creepy’ jokes.” Tian Yuan said. “I’m simply stating facts. I thought you knew that.” 

Gu Xingqiao didn’t understand what was going on. He looked up at the sky, it couldn’t give him an answer, there was only a tiny sun in the sky, something designed by that artificial imbecile’s hand.

“Why? I don’t understand, I…” Gu Xingqiao had a rare moment of being at a total loss. “Why are you telling me this?!”

Tian Yuan said with some caution, “Because it’s the truth.” 

Gu Xingqiao gaped at him. “And then what? Are you expecting a response from me?” 

Tian Yuan tilted his head in confusion. “I’m just telling you.” 

He felt like he’d been struck head-on by a thunderbolt. Gu Xingqiao panicked and gasped like an ox at first, but then gradually calmed down.

He shook his head and whispered, “No. This is ridiculous. You don’t even know what love is…” 

“I know.” His voice, while low, was still loud enough for Tian Yuan to hear. “I can understand.” 

“You don’t understand shit.” Gu Xingqiao threw the empty glass back into the scooter. “You can’t even recognize the full range of emotions, and you’re thinking about…” 

“When I see you, it’s like butterflies flying in my stomach,” Tian Yuan said. “I love you.” 

Gu Xingqiao was caught off guard by another straight ball to the face.

…Damn, he thought woefully. He’s still playing romance with me.

“I am not asking for a response because this kind of emotional fluctuation is also a strange experience for me,” Tian Yuan said evenly. “But if you can accept my feelings, I will be very happy.” 

He said with a face as cold as liquid nitrogen. What do you mean by very happy…?

Gu Xingqiao breathed deeply, turned his back, and thought for a long time.

I should have considered this, he thought. He said he’d only tell me the truth, but the problem is, where’s the real truth? He’s not going to go on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on about it is he? 

“I–” He turned around. He’d just opened his mouth to speak, when he saw Tian Yuan’s eyes widen uncontrollably.

The anticipation of the warship’s incarnation was clear. Even as an artificial construct of consciousness, he still couldn’t control his own reaction in the face of this unfamiliar “liking.”

“–I can’t possibly accept your feelings,” Gu Xingqiao said.

After a long pause, he was forced by the silent, suffocating air to add, “I’m sorry.” 

The stream of data in Tian Yuan’s eyes flickered in and out of view. He asked quietly, “I would like to ask for your reasons.” 

Gu Xingqiao pondered for a moment, and said in a low voice, “Well, if you want the reason, then I’ll tell you.” 

“I’ve always believed that the greatest inequality in the world stems from the inequality of death. You know it’s…The lives of the lowest classes are as cheap as dust. I’ve seen many people who have to use their heart, liver, spleen, even their lives in exchange for the next day’s food and water; but for the highest class, for the powerful and rich, life is like gold. They absorb the life and longevity of those people. They can’t even die if they want to.” 

“So, when I saw in that short period of time, the way you can manipulate life and death, and wake up a person who seeks to end their life, it became clear to me that in your eyes, I, and other species like me, must be worthless ants. Your definition of me is also that of a possession to be molded and ordered about as you see fit.” 

He shook his head. “The gap between us is too great. Greater than the gap between heaven and earth. I’m alone, and I know there is no way I can fill that sinkhole. Whether your love is for something you hold dear, or whether you see me as one of your own kind, I can’t tell, nor do I want to.” 

“Let’s keep our relationship as collaborators,” Gu Xingqiao said. “It’s simple, refreshing, and it’s good for both of us.” 

For the first time, Tian Yuan’s face took on an almost bewildered look.

“But you’re the brightest, most beautiful soul I’ve ever seen…” 

“And your designers?” Gu Xingqiao asked rhetorically. “The ones who were able to bring you into being, they were no different from those who perform miracles. However, you still look down on them and think that you are superior to them, but I don’t think that I can match them. By the way, isn’t there another possible reason for your fondness for me? Because you are lonely as well?” 

In the past, Tian Yuan would have been dazzled by his reasoning, but now, in the face of Gu Xingqiao’s dissection, he felt nothing but trepidation.

“I am Tian Yuan. My learning ability is not to be underestimated,” Tian Yuan maintained the appearance of calmness, but in reality, his breath was becoming ragged, and his core module’s erratic function was beginning to go out of control as well. “Couldn’t you give me a chance to grow?” 

“…Stop it.” Gu Xingqiao lowered his head. “Just stop, okay? If you keep talking, it will only become a mess.” 

Tian Yuan silently closed his mouth, he tried to walk forward, to follow the youth, but the exoskeleton somehow moved out of position which caused his body to lurch unsteadily.

On the way back, they remained silent, neither of them speaking.

.

Gu Xingqiao sat in his room.

He didn’t go out, and Tian Yuan didn’t come in. In the past few days, he had ceased his training sessions and just sat in his room. Tian Yuan brought him three meals a day as usual, and Gu Xingqiao ate them, but he always felt a bit nauseous.

Did I say too much the other day? 

He reflected on it, but, if he hadn’t opened up, their relationship would only become tangled and sticky, like a ball of noodles that soaked too long. Just as he and Sissel used to be.

Gu Xingqiao couldn’t stand that, another deformed relationship that sprang from inequality. He’d had enough and didn’t want to suffer again.

So, when would he and Tian Yuan reconcile? 

He knew in his heart that as long as he called out Tian Yuan’s name, the embodiment of the warship would immediately appear in his room. Similarly, if Tian Yuan spoke to him, he would also immediately confess to him about his own feelings over the past few days.

Everything was ready, except for the first sound that would break the ice. If Tian Yuan didn’t speak, Gu Xingqiao wouldn’t say anything; if Gu Xingqiao stayed silent, Tian Yuan would be so quiet it would be like he was invisible.

At that moment, the door of the room opened. Gu Xingqiao put down the reader in his hand and looked at the food cart.

Meat chops, tomato soup, fruits and desserts were all there. Besides that, there was…something on top of it.

Gu Xingqiao frowned slightly.

In addition to the food, there were two sheets of paper on the cart.

Ignoring the food, Gu Xingqiao picked up the two pieces of paper and unfolded them.

“I am Tian Yuan. I would like to see you in person –” 

Gu Xingqiao closed his gaping mouth.

It was really a letter.

Was he kidding? What era was this, that he was writing a letter? 

However, it was a rare communication after the past few days, so he simply unfolded the paper letter, and read it line by line.

“–In the intervening 114 hours, I have thought about many things. About your opinion of me, and about your opinion of injustice. I must admit that part of what you say is true, but part of it is prejudiced. I must speak frankly because of my affection for you, as well as the necessary procedure of praise.” 

Tian Yuan’s handwriting, like his presence, was cold and sharp, and each character looked as if it had been printed, they were so incredibly regular.

“…I’m sorry. I need to express my sincere and deep apology to you. As you can tell, I have not respected your life, or your choice to end it. Before you came, I spent a long time building a dungeon I called “The Labyrinth.” I spent so much time and effort on the area of torture, I never realized that it was also a representation of my spiritual distortion. I was lonely. Loneliness has followed me for more than 1,400 years. I also have not been able to stay consistently awake through that time.” 

Gu Xingqiao continued to read.

“Of course, this sounds like forced sophistry. Again, I apologize and return to your situation.” 

“You are a human being I can’t see through. A human being for whom, in order to understand, I would have to go into a long, clumsy description of your tiniest edges. I think, since you love the civilization of your origin planet, I will use a poem to describe what I know about your strength at this time:

When a man hath no freedom to fight for at home,
Let him combat for that of his neighbours;
Let him think of the glories of Greece and of Rome,
And get knock’d on the head for his labours.

To do good to mankind is the chivalrous plan,
And is always as nobly requited;
Then battle for freedom whenever you can,
And, if not shot or hang’d, you’ll be knighted. 

¹

“Your splendor makes you what you are.” 

Author’s Note: This chapter is two in one, I’m back!