Chapter 52: Demons of the Heart
Translated by Shiya of Exiled Rebels Scanlations
Li Sui didn’t know what to do. Ever since he left home, his heart was like a fish that was pulled out of the water, he was anxious. All the cells in his body were screaming and hurrying him to go back. It had a feeling, if he didn’t go back immediately, he would miss something, he would regret it for his entire life.
Li Sui had always been a rational person, but this time, he had no idea where the impulse came from, he decided to go against Lu Shang’s wishes.
That night he bought a ticket and flew back home. It was already late at night when he landed and left the airport. He didn’t know what he was so worried about, but he couldn’t even wait to go through the paper works of getting his car back, he directly called for a taxi and went straight home.
On the way, the taxi driver saw Li Sui being all anxious and fidgety, he became curious, “Dude, why are you going to the Lu family’s house? I heard something happened there this morning.”
Li Sui heard and immediately felt his heart stop, “What happened there?”
“I’m not sure of the details. I think someone was sick and two ambulances went to the house.”
Li Sui hesitated for a moment, his fingers reached his mobile phone while trembling, because of the intense trembling, his phone slipped away from him twice. He finally picked up the phone and got through, but no one answered. Then he switched to calling the landline at home, yet again, no one answered.
“No… How could this…”
Li Sui’s breathing was stagnant, cold sweat dripped from his back. He was so nervous that even his speech was hindered, “Dri…driver, can you go faster, go faster please.”
The driver was frightened by his reaction, he dared not say more and stepped hard on the pedal.
Li Sui got out of the Taxi, he threw out money in a hurry and ran onto the yard. It was in a complete mess, the soil at the door had two rows of wheel prints. The marks were obviously not made by their car. His brain was buzzing and he ran upstairs like he went crazy. The insides of the house were the same as usual, but there was no one inside the dark place. The wheelchair used by Lu Shang was lying down crooked on the living room floor, no one was sitting on the wheelchair.
“Lu Shang…” Li Sui shivered, he threw away the luggage he was carrying and ran to the backyard to get the car, he drove straight to RuiGe hospital.
On the way, he stared blankly at the road with his eyes wide open. He did not remember how many red lights he drove past or whether he was on the wrong lane. All the signals to his brain were blocked by the news of Lu Shang getting into an accident.
The corridor in the hospital was silent, silent enough for people to hear even the ticking of the clock.
There were many people standing outside of the operating room. Uncle Yuen, Aunt Lu, some familiar nurses…… Even Zuo Chao and Xe WeiLan were there, wearing serious expressions.
When the elevator door opened, all the people present turned to see Li Sui. Subconsciously, they all held their breaths. Aunt Lu avoided the sight of Li Sui entirely, she couldn’t bear seeing what was about to happen.
“How’s Lu Shang?” He asked, scanning everyone there.
“They are doing their best to save him.” After a while, someone broke the silence.
“He…” Li Sui choked and his voice trembled, “What’s wrong with him…”
“His heart suddenly stopped and they are trying to save him now. The situation is worse than expected. He might…”
That person did not go on any further.
Li Sui looked at him, he digested the sentence for a long time. Then, he turned his head all the people in the corridor, unexpectedly he burst into laughter, his eye whites were reddened as he laughed, “So… All of you know…”
“I’m the only one who didn’t…” He laughed and laughed, standing alone in the middle of the corridor, tears slid down his face.
Xe WeiLan couldn’t just watch anymore, he went over to comfort him, “Calm down, he just doesn’t want you to worry.”
“Why did he drive me away at such a time? I was a fool…” Li Sui shook his head and Xe WeiLan’s words didn’t get through to him at all. He had been suppressing his emotions on the way here, all those feelings were boiling over right now, his eyes were bloodshot, and the veins on his forehead were bulging out.
“Xiao Li Zi, don’t be like that.” Zuo Chao also tried comforting him.
“Why did I not notice…” Li Sui was submerged in self-hatred, he squatted down and hit his own temple. “How come I didn’t notice?”
He recalled the unusual look Lu Shang had last night, the grief and nostalgia in his eyes. There were obvious signs even right before he left home, Lu Shang lost control and called out to him, he should have paid more attention to it. The thing that was in Lu Shang’s eyes were not grief or nostalgia, but the look of saying farewell.
The door to the operating room was suddenly opened and Leung ZiRui came out wearing a frosty face, his hands were still bloody. When Li Sui saw him, he regained some of his senses and hurried up to stand in front of him, “How is he…”
Leung ZiRui was surprised to see Li Sui there, he was just as surprised as he was annoyed. He remembered Lu Shang saying that he had got Li Sui away, so why did the brat came back again?
“His heart is no longer functioning properly, and we’re thinking of ways to deal with it.” Leung ZiRui was also anxious.
Li Sui listened attentively to Leung ZiRui, then he fixed his gaze on his own body and pointed to his chest, “Here.”
Seeing that Leung ZiRui was ignoring him, Li Sui pulled his arm and placed it firmly on his own chest. He was basically begging, “Use my heart, use my heart for transplantation…”
“You’re too late.” Leung ZiRui pulled his hand back and showed compassion on his face.
Li Sui wasn’t able to comprehend. He stared at Leung ZiRui for a long time with sharp, questioning eyes.
“He has signed and consented to Leon’s proposed operation,” said Leung ZiRui, “he also made a statement in his will, if I used your heart, all the research funds provided to RuiGe hospital will be withdrawn.”
“A will?” Li Sui heard the key words, his lips trembled. Li Sui repeated the words, word by word he said while staring at Leung ZiRui, “A… will? A… will…”
Leung ZiRui’s eyebrows furrowed and his headache worsened. He cursed himself for saying too much.
“When did he write a will…” Li Sui was hit hard.
“Li Sui……” Leung ZiRui was also upset, he called his name twice. However, Li Sui’s eyes were dull, as if he was totally immersed in his own world and had lost his touch with the outside world.
“I……” Li Sui pulled his own hair and leaned forward, he was clutching his own hair roughly, and his teeth were grinding, as if he was suffering from a great deal of pain. It was a frightening reaction. Uncle Yuen was about to come forward to comfort him when Li Sui walked a few steps forward. He supported himself by placing his hand on the wall as he vomited violently at a corner.
“Oh my……” Aunt Lu went to fetch some water.
Leung ZiRui looked grim.
After Li Sui finished vomiting, he had just stood up and a gust of strong wind flashed by him. He felt only pain at the back of his neck, then he fainted, falling into darkness as his eyes closed.
Li Sui fell to the floor after a muffled gasp. Everyone looked at Leung ZiRui in astonishment, the person in question pulled his own hand back, he shook it in pain. Then he murmured to the nurse beside him, “Give him tranquilizers.”
Uncle Yuen was not assured, he stopped him, “Doctor Leung.”
Leung ZiRui frowned and explained patiently, “He is over-stimulated, and it has caused severe physiological reactions. So, he must be injected with tranquilizers.”
There were a lot of noises around, people were coming in and out all the time, he also vaguely heard people arguing. Li Sui felt like he had just climbed up from under the deep sea, he had a terrible headache, even his eyelids were heavy.
Over the past years, he had been repeatedly dreaming about Lu Shang leaving or the death of Lu Shang on the operating table. It was often said that dreams were reflections of a person’s most feared things. He had been repeatedly tormented by nightmares, in Li Sui’s heart, Lu Shang’s disease had already become his overshadow, something that was constantly clouding his heart and mind, like a demon that was controlling him.
He hid that demon carefully, but every day he was afraid to relax even in his sleep. He concealed it with perfect smiles, he hid it so much that he forgot to prepare himself for it. When the nightmares become reality, he just could not bear the shock it delivered, and his spirit was almost completely shattered.
Li Sui opened his eyes from his chaotic thoughts. There was a dazzling light outside, he squinted and thought he was just having another nightmare. He closed his eyes as usual and turned over on his sides.
One after another, memories flooded in, constantly breaking through the cage he had locked himself in, the water poured violently into his head. Li Sui gradually felt a throbbing pain in his heart, his hands trembled as he held his head in an attempt to get back to sleep. Just like the countless nightmares he had before, if he fell asleep and wake up again, all the bad things will disappear.
“Nothing can be accomplished from running away.” Suddenly there was a voice in his ears.
Li Sui was shocked, his eyes flung open and looked at the person beside him without focus.
Leung ZiRui leaned over to look at him and said, “Listen, Lu Shang is in a critical stage, his heart is very weak now. We’re using all the resources we have to rescue him. I can’t take care of two people at the same time. If you want me to put all my energy on saving Lu Shang, then you should control yourself.”
Li Sui listened and blinked, he sat up and shook his head around a few times.
He was trying to adjust his mood. Leung ZiRui was actually a little sympathetic towards him, Li Sui was essentially a child in Leung ZiRui’s eyes. After accompanying Lu Shang for all these years, even as a trained doctor, he too found it somewhat depressing. Leung ZiRui couldn’t even begin to imagine what it would be like to sleep right next to Lu Shang every night and staying together day in and day out. Now that so many things had happened all at once, it was naturally difficult for him to accept them.
He softened his tone, “The good news is that Lu Shang has a strong sense to live. My uncle and I are trying to stabilize him. Leon is also on the way to China as we speak. He isn’t fighting this alone, we will all help him.”
Li Sui listened and his eyes began to overflow with emotions, “What can I do?”
“Take care of yourself and the Lu household.”
Li Sui pushed the discomfort down and nodded his head. He asked, “Did Lu Shang know that the success rate of the operation was only 10%?”
Leung ZiRui said, “He knows.”
Seeing Li Sui staring at him, he added, “Lu Shang signed the consent form to the operation after fully understanding the risks. The reason why he sent you away was because he didn’t want you to hurt yourself for him. Can you understand his reasoning?”
Li Sui listened as his eyes were bloodshot again, this time, he was forcing back his tears, he nodded.
Leung ZiRui was relieved and gave him a hug, “Good kid. Lu Shang wants to live and spend the rest of his life with you, that’s why he gambled on the 10%. Even he is trying this hard to fight for a future where both of you could be happy together. For his sake, you should stop thinking about heart transplantation, OK?”
Li Sui sobbed and nodded, “…… Hmn.”
A nurse knocked on the door, “Doctor Leung, the hospital head (i) is asking for you to alternate with him.”
T/N: (i) Basically Leung ZiRui’s uncle, in raws the nurse called him hospital head Leung.
Before leaving, Li Sui stopped Leung ZiRui and asked, “You will do your best, right?”
Leung ZiRui laughed and straightened out his lab coat, “Of course, that is our duty.”
Although it was easy to say, in the face of Lu Shang’s serious illness, Leung ZiRui still found it to be very difficult to deal with.
He gathered several experts and after some discussion, they decided to use an artificial lung to maintain Lu Shang’s life for now. However, extracorporeal membrane oxygenation (ECMO) could only buy them a few days, if the surgery is not performed in time, his life will end.
The plan was finalized, the doctors took turns operating on the patient. It took a whole day of hard work to finally stabilize Lu Shang’s condition. After the operation, Lu Shang had to be placed in the CCU (ii) for 24/7 observation. As Lu Shang was in a deep coma, he could not communicate with people.
T/N: (ii) Cardiac Care Unit, a kind of Intensive Care Unit specifically for coronary illnesses patients.
“Is Leon here yet?”
“He’s already on a plane. He’ll arrive here tomorrow.”
Leung ZiRui was relieved. Turning his head around, he saw Li Sui standing outside the CCU, looking through the glass window blankly, his heart was filled with a mix of different not-so-pleasant emotions.
Different objects were blocking Li Sui’s view, from the window, he could only see the monitor screens and the machines, but not the person. Li Sui asked the nurses, they told him that all the ICUs only allow for family members to enter, and even medical staffs had to swipe their identity card to gain access.
Li Sui dared not bother Leung ZiRui again, so he stayed outside the door. When he got tired, he would lean on the door for a while and rest. He was probably severely frightened this time, Li Sui could not bring himself to leave, he feared what would happen if he left again.
After nightfall, the corridor was even quieter, the sounds of the heart monitor in the room were magnified. In Li Sui’s ear, the sound was at the same time frightening but also reassuring.
In the middle of the night, Leung ZiRui came by. He found Li Sui waiting outside the CCU faithfully, he sat on the ground and fell asleep leaning on the CCU’s outer door (iii). Leung ZiRui’s heart softened, he froze in thoughts, then went to get a thick coat and a sterile gown. After that, he woke Li Sui up.
T/N: (iii) To keep the CCU as pathogen-free as possible, there’s one more room before the actual CCU, the room is for visitors to disinfect themselves and wear clean sterile gown, gloves, and face masks. Hence, outer door.
“Shh.” Leung ZiRui interrupted him, he looked back at the nurse on duty. After confirming that she had gone on her rounds to inspect the rooms, he handed the sterile gown to Li Sui and said, “Wear them. You have an hour, I can’t give you more. Don’t make any noises, and don’t let my uncle know about this.”
After that, he secretly opened the door to the CCU using his identification card for Li Sui.
Li Sui thanked him gratefully, he wrapped himself tightly in the clothes Leung ZiRui gave him and slipped in. Even in layers of clothing and a face mask, when Li Sui entered the room, he was still able to smell a familiar scent. He slowed down his steps, as if he was afraid of waking up the sleeping person.
Lu Shang laid on a special hospital bed, he was covered with various medical instruments, his face was covered with an oxygen mask. Lu Shang’s eyes were closed, his face was white, he seemed lifeless. If it wasn’t for the flickering light at the head of the bed, Li Sui wouldn’t be able to tell if he was looking at a living person or a corpse,.
Li Sui did not dare to hold Lu Shang’s hand, he only touched Lu Shang’s fingertips through the nitrile gloves he was wearing. A delicate sensation transmitted from neurone end to neurone end, finally reaching his brain. His brain gave him the conclusion that what he touched was not some illusion, but real. At that moment, Li Sui did not know why, but he wanted to cry. He curled himself up while sitting on the floor, he calmed himself down while listening to the sound of the instruments. It took him a long time before he could suppress the bitterness and sourness in his throat.
He sat beside the bed, as he looked at Lu Shang’s pale cheeks, all kinds of emotions rolled through his heart. He only had one mouth but there seemed to be a million things he wished to say. Despite that, all the words were stuck at his throat, the only words that came out as audible sound were simple, but it represented what Li Sui most desired, “Please don’t leave me behind……”