It’s A Monster Chapter 18: Patrol

Chapter 18: Patrol

Translated by Addis of Exiled Rebels Scanlations

Editor: Karai

The two of them stayed at the Fortune Hotel for three days in total. Aside from the 300-square-meter suite and the fish-headed man, everything else was great—there was even a hint of romance, like a premature cohabitation vibe.

After checking out, the front desk had a member points redemption event going on. Lin Su turned to Shi Wenze and asked, “What do you want to redeem?”

It sounded like he was asking for Shi Wenze’s opinion, but Lin Su’s target was already locked in. No silk pajamas or insulated mugs for him—he only wanted the big discount coupons for room charges, the kind that could only be used on a second stay. That way, when the coupons were about to expire, they’d have a perfect excuse for another couples’ trip.

Just thinking about it made Lin Su’s heart beat a little faster. He leaned on the service counter, coldly waiting for the telepathic spark of romance.

Instead, Shi Wenze pointed at the membership booklet and asked, “Can this talisman be customized with anything?”

Lin Su’s expression instantly filled with confusion. He couldn’t understand this option at all. Every gift at the Fortune Hotel came with a big, clear price tag—just in case guests didn’t realize what a bargain they were getting. The room charge coupons had no threshold and were worth 888 yuan, while the customized talisman was only 288. Lin Su knew Shi Wenze wasn’t good at math, but he didn’t know it was this bad. And as a qilin, why did he want a lucky charm? This is not what I wanted!

The front desk clerk enthusiastically pointed the way. “That’s the self-service talisman customization machine. You can customize anything on it. It’s very effective!”

The college student’s eyes lit up. He turned to the sugar daddy and asked, “Can I get this one?”

Lin Su took a deep breath. Sure, you can—if it makes you happy.

Shi Wenze happily ran to the other side of the lobby and stood in front of the machine to redeem his talisman. His devotion was like a 1.87-meter-tall Greek maiden at a wishing well. Lin Su watched from afar and comforted himself that spending 288 yuan wasn’t a loss because Shi Wenze’s expression was like ripples—transparent and beautiful.

After redeeming the gift, Shi Wenze jumped on his big motorcycle and roared Lin Su back to Qinghu Garden.

Then the artist grew melancholic. Even the talisman he had just redeemed wasn’t for himself. He returned alone to the villa, sat quietly on the sofa, turned on the CD player, and sipped red wine while listening to Karen Mok sing Cloudy Day. In the dark room, the blind spots of love and hate were so obvious. This emotional storm took nearly a week to recover from.

Shi Wenze was still basking in the joy of their three-day cohabitation. Clearly, underachievers knew how to be happy. He rode all the way back to the tattoo parlor, just in time to catch Xu You finishing up fabricating a report titled Guidelines for Actively Promoting New Security Equipment to Accelerate Building a Civilized and Orderly Shanhai Society. The timing was so precise, not even the checkpoint was this exact.

Shi Wenze sighed, “Looks like this report and I really have no fate.”

Without a word, Xu You dragged his mouse and mercilessly deleted Shi Wenze’s name.

“Wait!” Shi Wenze quickly stopped him and tossed over a small box. “I brought you a gift.”

Xu You felt the lightness of the box in his hand and guessed it wasn’t anything valuable. He emphasized, “I never accept gifts under ten yuan. That’s a matter of principle.”

“Two hundred eighty-eight,” Shi Wenze said, patting his shoulder as he put away his newly bought helmet. Xu You poured out a gaudy lucky charm from the packaging. The shockingly rough texture stunned him. Maybe he should delete Shi Wenze after all.

“Don’t tell me this is the fake love talisman you secretly kept when we raided the illegal printing factory last month.”

Shi Wenze pointed to the Fortune Hotel’s logo. “Look, latest tech, wishing on-site, AI-drawn talisman.”

“On-site AI? What kind of talisman?”

“The ofo refund talisman.”

“…”

“To stop your heartache every time you mention it.”

Xu You couldn’t understand the logic. “But the ofo deposit was only 199 yuan. You spent 288 on a talisman to hurry the refund?”

Shi Wenze hesitated for a moment. To be honest, he hadn’t thought of that, but no worries—there are always more solutions than problems. “You could rent it out cheaply after using it, charge by the day. Don’t worry, at least thirty people are still in line in this alley.”

Xu You put the ofo refund talisman back in the box, planning to give it to Zhou Yuansong, who had been scammed too.

Shi Wenze lay back on the sofa and scrolled through his phone, sending Lin Su two messages.

Xu You tossed him a bag of chips. “Keep it down in broad daylight. Your expression is way too suggestive right now. I’m heading to the office to stamp some papers, wanna come?”

Shi Wenze glanced at WeChat again. Lin Su hadn’t replied, so he went with Xu You to Kunlun Tower.

“You two.” Just as they entered, a familiar voice came from behind. “Perfect timing, come here.”

Xu You spat two words through clenched teeth, “No way.”

Shi Wenze threw an arm over his shoulder and frowned—his leg injury immediately flared up. But they still couldn’t escape the sharp eyes of Minister Wang Gui from the Ministry of Transportation. “Cut the act. Come here!”

“Minister Wang,” Xu You muttered under his breath, “Shi and I are on leave today.” And hadn’t they agreed that the Ministry of Transportation wouldn’t borrow people from the Emergency Management Department anymore? Could a man keep his word? He really didn’t want to work overtime.

“Make up the leave later with Old Zhou,” Wang Gui said. “Recently, Chengdu’s had quite a few foreign monsters—each one drunk, speeding, and running wild. The Ministry is short-staffed. You two are helping out, from now until six tomorrow morning, covering the Nanyan residential area. Alright, get going.”

Xu You tried to decline politely. “Foreign monsters… with our English, Shi and I probably can’t communicate well.”

Wang Gui was unmoved. “If you can’t communicate, then just smile and enforce the law politely. Especially you,” he pointed at Shi Wenze, “If anyone ends up in the hospital again, I’m coming to your department for medical expenses—just like with those three yasha last time.”

Shi Wenze said nothing. Polite and civilized enforcement, huh? Fine, no problem. The two each took a reflective traffic assistant vest and wandered through the corners of Nanyan residential area. This foggy district was lively. After eight p.m., a monster night market would open.

“There really are quite a few international friends,” Xu You said, eyeing a muscular golden ram not far off. “Should we brush up on some English surrender phrases? What if a fight breaks out and the other side begs for mercy, but we don’t understand and accidentally start a diplomatic incident? The greatest distance in the world must be you speaking complicated sentences while I’m just waiting for ‘sorry, sorry.’”

Shi Wenze skirted around a barbecue stand, pulled out his phone, and snapped a photo to send to Lin Su. He asked if Lin Su wanted to join next time. After all, being in love… or about to be in love, meant sharing every little thing, no matter how boring or silly. They couldn’t help but stick together 24/7. But Lin Su didn’t reply. It was normal—he was still melancholic and couldn’t focus on his phone.

Lin Lu held her brother’s shoulders. “Bro, pull yourself together. If you really want that AI smart talisman, I’ll figure out how to get one for you right now.”

“What stupid talisman? I don’t want it.” Lin Su sat cross-legged on the sofa, clutching a pillow, staring sadly at the chandelier on the ceiling.

Then why aren’t you eating? Lin Lu grabbed her phone and tried to send Shi Wenze a WeChat message to ask what was going on, but Lin Su shot her a look sharp as a dagger—like a betrayed lover’s eye glare—so she gave up. Instead, she transformed into the cheerful, supportive sister, silently cheering him on: “No hurdle you can’t overcome. You’ll be fine. Keep it up, brother!” Lin Su only grew more gloomy. What kind of sister is this? 

Meanwhile, Shi Wenze asked Xu You, “If someone doesn’t reply to your WeChat for five hours, what does that mean?”

“It means they didn’t see it, are busy with something else, or just don’t want to bother with you.” Xu You was cramming English on his phone. Shi Wenze refused to accept the possibility that Lin Su was just ignoring him. Maybe he was busy with gallery stuff? The opening was coming soon, plus a private dinner next week. Thinking that, he pulled Xu You closer. “What do you think we should wear to an art world dinner?”

“Bro, you’ve got way too many questions tonight.” Xu You was already a weak spot for vocabulary. He had barely learned forgiven when Shi Wenze interrupted and he promptly forgot half of it. “Why are you suddenly talking about the art world?”

“A friend’s having an event next week.” Shi Wenze cleared his throat. “I need to protect him.”

Xu You’s eyes widened. “A public official taking private gigs? Watch out for complaints from the public.”

Shi Wenze found it hard to explain the joys of love to a singleton. “Forget it, you wouldn’t understand.”

“Thanks. Then I beg you, please don’t say another word.” Xu You cupped his hands, backed up two steps—and didn’t notice he stepped on something soft. Lifting his foot, he saw a long tail. Following the tail, it belonged to a huge Wang Ran dressed like a European monster. Xu You thought, Crap, English test incoming!

The Wang Ran raised sharp ears and spread a pair of wings. Its upper body stood straight as it glared at the two. A muffled, angry growl came from its throat. Since they’d stepped on it first, Xu You quickly said, “Sorry.”

But the Wang Ran didn’t seem to accept that. It slowly opened its mouth full of fangs and growled, “How dare you?”

Every word sounded mashed together in a weird way. Xu You, already nervous about the English test, was now struggling to catch the meaning. The creature looked furious but was still saying something like How are you? Maybe it was polite before fighting? Gotta respect manners. I can’t let the face of our proud and polite nation be lost. So Xu You answered with the few phrases he had down cold: “Fine, thank you.”

 

 

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