Paranoid Alpha Chapter 61: The Past

Chapter 61: The Past

Translated by Addis of Exiled Rebels Scanlations

Editor: CaiCai

“Is the entire diary filled with these?” Lyss asked candidly and seriously. Lu Xingye instinctively stepped back and subconsciously placed his tail in front of him. “…Is it all written like this?”

There was a hint of disbelief in his tone. Suddenly, Lu Xingye chuckled. “Didn’t you read it already? I thought you knew what it contained.”

“The part I read…” Lyss paused, then skeptically added, “That wasn’t the only serious entry you wrote, was it?”

Curious, Lu Xingye asked, “Which part did you read?”

Lyss lowered his head to flip through the diary. Taking advantage of his distraction, Lu Xingye pulled him into an embrace. After giving him a glance, Lyss didn’t say anything and, leaning against Lu Xingye, started reading the diary.

Five years of separation seemed nonexistent. Lu Xingye gently rested his chin on Lyss’s shoulder, holding him by the waist, and softly said, “Why do I feel like big brother’s waist has softened? Is it just my imagination?”

“No.” Lyss didn’t lift his head. “Childbirth causes some changes in the body’s functions.”

Lu Xingye had casually asked, but unexpectedly, there was an unanticipated revelation. He paused for a moment, recalling certain details. “So, is crying when touched also because of—”

Lyss’s tail suddenly slapped Lu Xingye’s mouth. He raised his hand, placing the diary in Lu Xingye’s arms. “I read this part.”

Lu Xingye, with his mouth covered by the tail, blinked and then bit the tip of the tail. Lyss stiffened, swiftly pulling his tail away, and gave Lu Xingye a glare. Lu Xingye only smiled even more brightly in response to his glare. He held Lyss by the waist with one hand and, bowing his head, began reading the diary.

Instead of the content he had written, what caught his eye initially was a small dried-up water stain. Lu Xingye was taken aback. After a few seconds, he lifted his head abruptly. “This… are they tears?”

Lyss didn’t find it embarrassing. He nodded, “Yes.”

Lu Xingye’s hand around Lyss’s waist suddenly tightened. He didn’t know what to say for a moment. Lyss didn’t seem to think much about it. Instead, he nudged Lu Xingye’s shoulder, gesturing for him to continue reading.

Lu Xingye mechanically lowered his head to the diary page. After reading just the beginning, he remembered what this entry was about. So, as he continued reading, his attention was no longer on the words but on the tear stains beside them.

Some of the stains had completely dried and were invisible, yet the remaining marks were significant. Lu Xingye almost trembled as he touched those watermarks. In his mind, he involuntarily saw Lyss silently crying while holding the diary at the bedside, without anyone to comfort him.

Seeing Lu Xingye silent for a while, Lyss couldn’t help but lower his head. “You… mmm—”

Mid-sentence, Lyss was suddenly kissed. He couldn’t understand why Lu Xingye was acting this way. He raised his hand to push Lu Xingye away, but as soon as his hand touched Lu Xingye’s shoulder, he felt a slight trembling.

Lyss paused, then after a while, his attempt to push Lu Xingye turned into compliance. He gently climbed near Lu Xingye’s shoulder, opened his mouth slightly, and endured his fervor.

After the kiss, Lu Xingye wordlessly held Lyss, burying his head in the crook of Lyss’s neck, even wrapping his tail around Lyss’s waist.

Lyss gently rubbed the back of his neck, asking comfortingly, “What’s gotten into you suddenly?”

Muffled in Lyss’s neck, Lu Xingye murmured, “Nothing… I just realized I made big brother cry for me. I’m a useless jerk.”

Lyss was taken aback, then with a smile, pinched Lu Xingye’s ear. “Have I cried any less for you?”

Lu Xingye felt uncomfortable, his breath hitched, almost reacting to Lyss’s actions, his body heating up a few degrees. “…That’s different.”

“If you say it’s different, then it’s different.” Lyss’s mind was still on the diary. “Could the useless jerk please read on? The diary’s not finished yet.”

Unwillingly, Lu Xingye lowered his head to continue reading. “But he doesn’t intend to seek out anyone else at the moment…”

“Not this one.” Lyss pressed Lu Xingye’s hand, “Switch to another one.”

Saying that, Lyss took the diary from Lu Xingye, earnestly flipping through it. Lu Xingye’s back tensed nervously, but sometimes the more you worry about something happening, the more likely it is to happen.

Lyss suddenly paused while flipping through the pages, his expression turning serious. After a moment, he handed the diary back to Lu Xingye. “Read this one, and then we’re done.”

Lu Xingye didn’t feel pleased about this. He pursed his lips, took the diary, glanced at it, and then looked deeply at Lyss.

“Go on,” Lyss seemed to understand his thoughts. “I want to hear.”

“October 30th, Weather: Overcast.” Lu Xingye took a deep breath, lowered his gaze, and slowly read aloud, “It’s been a month since his estrus period passed. I still can’t sense my pheromones on him. His attitude towards me remains the same, unchanged. He mentioned arranging for me to join the military, and asked if I was willing. How could I not be willing? Even if he asked me to die now, I might not hesitate. I’ve heard that after the AO marking is complete, omegas become unconsciously dependent on their alphas. But he doesn’t display any of that. Instead, it’s as if I’m the one marked.”

“For some reason, when he asked if I wanted to join the military, I felt a sensation similar to what I experienced years ago. Maybe he never liked me from the beginning. Perhaps everything he said before was a lie, but I don’t seem to be able to turn back. Perhaps I’ll be able to see you soon, Mother.”

This entry was written only a month after the one Lu Xingye had just read. In just one month, most of the anticipation, fervor, and desire between the lines had faded away. While he couldn’t help but fall deeply in love with Lyss, he also realized he was plunging into it like a moth drawn to flame. He had long known he was being used by Lyss. Lyss felt like his heart was bleeding, but he pretended not to know and remained blissful.

Compared to the previous lengthy entries, this diary was much shorter. After Lu Xingye finished reading, he nervously looked at Lyss, who sat silently in his embrace, showing no signs of change in expression. Yet, Lu Xingye’s heart raced at the sight.

“These were just random words I jotted down…” Lu Xingye cupped Lyss’s face, gently lifting it and gazed at him affectionately. “Why are you upset again?”

Lyss pursed his lips, unwilling to meet his gaze. His voice was a mere whisper, “I love you… I do love you. I just didn’t know back then…”

Lu Xingye’s heart felt constricted, aching. He quickly lowered his head to kiss the person in his arms on the cheek. “I know, of course, I know you love me.”

Taking the initiative, Lyss turned his head, hooking his arms around Lu Xingye’s neck, and licked his lips repeatedly. “Fool…”

Lu Xingye chuckled, “How am I a fool?”

“Knowing there’s no future yet persisting…” Lyss leaned against his head and softly said, “You’re a foolish dog.”

“Who says there’s no future?” Lu Xingye disagreed, holding his waist, lightly patting the base of his tail. “My wife treats me well, and he’s given birth to a daughter for me. Don’t slander my wife like that.”

Caught off guard, Lyss was slapped so suddenly that he felt dazed, his eyes instinctively widened in shock. After a moment, he regained his senses and struggled, “You… agh—”

Lu Xingye purposely slapped the base of his tail again. Lyss’s eyes suddenly shimmered with tears, rare traces of anger flickering in them. His gaze became brighter, “Let go.”

“Nope.” Lu Xingye, taking advantage of Lyss’s favor, pushed the boundaries, “How about you stop reading the diary? I’ll show you something else.”

Lyss chuckled, “Do you have something I haven’t seen?”

Lu Xingye acted seriously, “Not necessarily. A reconstructed body is similar to a modified body; it can never be exactly the same as the original…”

As he was about to continue, he abruptly stopped himself, nearly biting his tongue. But it was too late.

Lyss’s gaze changed instantly. The romantic atmosphere dissipated, and he asked, “What modification?”

Lu Xingye avoided eye contact, trying to dismiss it, “Nothing, just—”

Before he could finish, Lyss pressed him against the bed, sitting astride him, staring him down. “What do you mean by modification?”

The romantic atmosphere vanished completely, and various wrongs surfaced in his mind. Why would he, who already had tendencies of self-abandonment, choose to live after all? Even if he forgot that Lin Lang was his child, why would he choose to seek him out immediately?

Without getting an answer, Lyss stared at Lu Xingye without blinking, “I’ve been thinking about something. Since you were prepared for me never to love you, even willing to self-destruct, and even found Mother’s letter… So, why did you still choose to rebuild your body?”

The question was cold and ruthless. Lu Xingye sighed and forcefully pinned Lyss down, “You think Qiu, someone who was imprisoned on the back of the Starfall Sea for over a decade, was just researching simple body reconstruction techniques?”

Hearing the expected response, Lyss’s pupils dilated, looking at him intently. He pressed Lu Xingye’s shoulders with an unprecedented force, almost crushing them.

“Did you agree?” Lyss questioned with a trembling voice, “Lu Xingye, did you agree to let her?”

“I know that in terms of status or ability, I can’t win against you,” Lu Xingye didn’t answer but laughed lightly at a moment like this. He used the back of his hand gently on Lyss’s cheek, seemingly oblivious to the pain, “So, I thought about agreeing to her more than once. Although the success rate is low, I survived five years of reconstruction. Maybe I could succeed? If I did, I could easily confine you. From that point on, you’d only be able to watch me… Just the thought of it drives me crazy.”

Lyss felt no fear, only an indescribable sense of aftermath. His voice was dry as he slowly said, “Have you thought about the cost of doing this?”

“The price is that you’d forever hate me. But that’s fine. Hate lasts longer than love, and it’d keep you remembering me forever,” Lu Xingye smiled faintly, not a hint of bitterness but rather a disregard, “Oh, and lifespan. After undergoing this modification, I probably won’t live beyond ten years. Even if I had to become a short-lived ghost, I still wanted to have you… Even if I could count all our moments on one hand, I’d still willingly embrace it.”

Author’s Note: 

Chief: How many punches do you think your words deserve?