ST Chapter 4

Main Story Part 4

After that, I really started living together with that XiaoZi. It wasn’t until later that I knew that he wasn’t a student. According to him, in order to be in disguise when escaping he dug up some bitter student’s uniform. He says he can’t back go home right now and so is now ‘logically’ living in my house……

He says that his mom has always been hitting him since he was young to prevent him from getting hurt. It was all for his good. His dad also has his best interests at heart, so that’s why he used all kinds of methods to train his skills…..

He says: These are the ways in which they they love him.

At that time I understood, to him, love just equals violence and hurt……

I can’t bring up the topics about why he doesn’t want to go back and what his family does. That’s his bottom line.

If you accidentally brought it up or asked him, he will just stand by anxiously and watch you for three hours without talking to you…..

Other than that, the rest of life has been pretty peaceful. At least the house isn’t as desolated as before. I, as an amateur psychologist, don’t bring much change to him. But I never let him become bored in my house. That XiaoZi learned how to put on a pitiful face, one looking very much like Sai PanAn[1], and faces me to say that he doesn’t like to eat instant noodles and he wants to watch television……

So I used the deposit book I thought I would never touch in my entire life, the one given to me by that man. The man that makes me so disgusted I want to throw up!

Thanks to him, I finally let that XiaoZi eat his long awaited meat…..

A few days ago when he just moved into my house, he refused to go out and buy food no matter what. So I prepared him instant noodles for all three meals of the day. Afterwards, he wore a pair of sunglasses and appears before me, saying he can now go and buy meat, and wants me to give him money. But the problem is I didn’t have money then…… so that XiaoZi just wears those extremely crazy sunglasses and follows me to the school I work at …..

Lazing around in my empty office, he waits for the bell at 11:30am and then sprints to the canteen at the speed of light to eat meat…..

His love and obsession for meat exceeds my imagination.

Because of the meat, he grew to love my office. The offices at private schools are just different compared to public schools, especially the mental health counsellor’s office. There’s plenty of facilities, even a bed…..

He often sits on the bed that’s not very big and looks at me without moving, making me feel scared that something bad was going to happen. I discover that he’s actually very busy. Sometimes he’ll spend a long time talking over the phone, and every time the phone rings he’ll go outside to pick it up. I was very curious about who it was, but he never lets me listen to the contents of the call, and really dislikes it when I ask him about it…..

I once faintly heard him get angry and mentioned things like the Eastern region and thugs…..

After that, it was like the sound of a phone smashing…..

And then when he comes back he tells me that he wants a new phone, but doesn’t let me go pick out a new one together with him…..

I say, “How lazy are you!! Don’t you know how to go out and buy a phone yourself?!”

“I can’t see the light.”

“Who are you planning to deceive?”

“………..”

Later that day I bought him the cheapest Nokia brick phone. Afterwards I see him walk out like a priggery, stand under the sun coming through the office’s window and with one swing of his arm, he breaks the new brick phone.

And then that damn XiaoZi skips over and says the phone’s broken….

“You’re the one who fucking broke it yourself!”

The XiaoZi then looks at the window with a face saying ‘so it is’ and says, “Ah, you found out.”

“You go buy a new one yourself this time.”

He sits on the bed and wraps himself with a blanket, “I can’t see the light.”

“Can’t you give me a different excuse?”

“……” He becomes silent for a while, “The light can’t see me.”

“……”

And so I bought him an iPhone that day. No, I can’t say I gave it to him, I should say I ‘smashed’ it to him.

“I’m recording all this money as your debt. Get your mom to pay your ransom for you when the time comes!!”

He has a lot of eccentricities, such as liking to hug something when he sleeps. From the beginning when I let him hug the pillow to later when he hugs me without letting go. It all causes me a big headache…..

“Who do you hug when you’re at home?”

“The dog.”

“I’m not a dog.”

“Yep, the dog’s more comfortable than you.”

“Are you going to get off yourself or do you want me to kick you off?”

“I’ll shut up.”

“………”

The thing I can’t tolerate the most is that he’s frightened of lightning. Aren’t normal people all afraid of thunder? Yet this thing’s extremely afraid of lightning.

As soon as there’s lightning outside, he’ll bury himself inside the couch or under blankets, and he won’t come out no matter what, like a stupid ostrich……

As a result on a night full of lightning and thunder, he just hugs the television and doesn’t dare go to sleep.

“There’s lightning outside! There’ll be a short circuit.”

“………..”

Afterwards I decisively unplug the power outlet and pull him to bed.

Consequently I was woken up by him shaking me.

A pair of beautiful black eyes brimming with radiating vigour look at me, “So do you think Pleasant Sheep[2] was eaten in the end?”

“…………” So you were watching Pleasant Goat and Big Big Wolf[3]?

“Don’t tell me you’ve never watched it before.”

“Never.”

“Don’t worry, he won’t be eaten.”

“Why not?”

“You want them to be eaten?”

“Sheep are born to be eaten.”

“Ye CanSheng, you can fight to live, at least you shouldn’t bow down to fate.”

“No one’s ever said that to me.”

“Well now I have!”

“Don’t you think the scene of the sheep being eaten would be prettier to watch? So red, so beautiful…..”

“Shut up!! You stinking brat. You wake me up in the middle of the night just for this?” I ignore the goosebumps that suddenly appear on my body and pull the blanket over his body in one go, “Quickly go to sleep. After you fall asleep and wake up, you’ll continue living. Because at night you have to sleep again, that’s life. Decide how you live it yourself, not every sheep will be eaten by a wolf. There are some things that you must pursue no matter what it takes!”

“Really?”

“But I have to add something, I don’t like Pleasant Sheep.”

“What about Lazy Sheep[4] ne?”

“Are you done? LaoZi likes people not sheep okay?!”

“Oh…….”

“Why are you smiling so gloomily?”

This time it was him who pulled the blanket over me, “Sleep.”

“You stinking brat……”

How do I put it? That XiaoZi is just like a big kid, sometimes he’s so childish and naive that I’m dumbfounded. Aometimes he’s fragile and laden with grief that I’m helpless, other times he’s perversely morbid that I’m frightened….

I don’t know whether or not it was an accident that day. Maybe because it felt like there weren’t any major issues getting along with him, that I overlooked it……

That day, the XiaoZi had his two hands propped up onto my office table, wearing my shirt, with the collar slightly open, clearly revealing his collarbone and a face that’s used to looking cold with hints of anger. His black eyes are deep and dark, with a dagger-like coldness….

He’s rarely this serious.

He says, “They say you seduced your step-father.”

At that time I immediately knew he must have heard the words of those female teachers who love gossiping.

I very patiently explain, “Firstly, he’s not my step-father yet. He and my mom haven’t married, but it’s probably going to happen sooner or later. Secondly, I didn’t seduce him. Lastly, you are not allowed to bring this topic up again.”

After I finish talking, he grabs onto my neck. His slightly cold fingers caress my artery. Morbid eyes intensely stare at my artery, the corners of his lips are slightly rising. His facial expression at that time really made me want to push him away. But I know that if I do that, he’ll definitely be very upset.

He’s extremely fragile.

When I pushed him away the last time he wanted to use me as a pillow, I woke up the next morning to see him hiding in the corner, hugging his knees and mumbling, “What did I do wrong? If I’m wrong then you can punish me…..punish me ah…… punish me ah…..”

Nighttime is when he’s the most fragile. After that night, I decided I want to change him!

He rarely doesn’t answer me back. If he doesn’t that means he really cares about the issue or he’s very angry.

I try my best not to avert my gaze and look at him, “Do you really care about this because you look down on me?”

“No. It’s just that no matter what it is, if it’s got something to do with you, then it can’t come out of someone else’s mouth!” At that time, those pair of eyes were full of wildness and the desire to kill…..

“You actually want to control other people’s mouths?”

“They can’t mention you! No one can touch you!”

“Hey, XiaoZi……” I grab onto the hand that’s still around my neck, pacifying him. I can feel his agitation.

I look at his bloodthirsty expression and can’t help but feel shocked on the inside. His words carry too much possessiveness and power, completely overthrowing his original image inside my mind…..

Right now, he makes people feel very frightened. He makes you feel like your everything is within his grasp….

“You’re mine.”

“I’m my mom’s……”

“YunSheng…….”

“What do you want, you stinking brat?”

“Have you been topped by someone before?”

“I’ve been bitten once by a dog.”

“So you’ve been topped by someone…..”

“Ye CanSheng, I dare you to repeat that…..”

“……..”

He lets go of my neck, then walks towards the bed and steps onto it without taking off his shoes before crouching down in one of the corners, “Are you angry?”

“No.”

“Why aren’t you angry?”

“Because I’m your psychologist. Before you make a full recovery I won’t abandon you nor get angry at you.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

At that time, that sentence just casually came out of my mouth. I didn’t take notice of it, but CanSheng etched it deeply into his heart.

Actually, at that time I had the desire to escape, the sentence he kept repeating felt like it was being muttered. It didn’t feel like it was being said to me. Rather, it felt like it was just being said for me to hear. But due to the fact that he always says weird things, like how he can’t see the light or how the light doesn’t want to see him, or how there’s mushrooms growing in the corner, I thought he was just joking. Due to his strange and warped personality, such as how he says hurting others is because of love, I thought that’s why he would generate such a morbid and obsessive desire for the stories of another person.

He’s sick……..

That’s the final conclusion of that day.

I didn’t know it was actually because of Ye CanSheng’s appearance that day that triggered the event which caused him to destroy me. In regards to that debit card that I shouldn’t have touched, and the person I thought I would never see again in my life — my young step-father.

Because of him, CanSheng tore my achilles tendon…..

He rubs away the tears that fall from my eyes due to the pain and says, “Your legs aren’t well-behaved. They actually ran away with someone else. But now, they’re much more obedient.”

 

T/N

[1] 赛潘安 Sai PanAn was a famous writer in the Western Jin Dynasty who is said to be very handsome.

[2] 喜洋洋 He is the typical main character in a very famous Chinese kids cartoon called Pleasant Goat and Big Big Wolf who is heroic and smart. Pleasant Sheep is the official translation.

[3] 喜洋洋与灰太狼 A very famous and popular Chinese kids cartoon, about a village of sheep and a wolf family who try to capture them and eat them. The official translation is Pleasant Goat and Big Big Wolf. The official translation in the title calls Pleasant Sheep, Pleasant Goat (not my translation), don’t be confused, they are the same characters.

[4] 懒羊羊 Another character from the cartoon, as you can tell from the name, he is lazy.