Chapter 47: “Don’t be afraid baby, I’m Xiao Ke.”
Translated by Addis of Exiled Rebels Scanlations
Professor Xiao was omnipotent. Professor Xiao could save everything.
That night, Xiao Ke laid next to Zhou Zui and grabbed his hand as he told him, “Tonight, you will sleep here, and I will watch you sleep.”
“Yeah,” Zhou Zui’s fingers caressed the back of Xiao Ke’s hand and whispered, “Okay.”
Xiao Ke smiled at him with a very gentle smile, and his eyes were full of tolerance. He placed a soft kiss on Zhou Zui’s forehead and said, “Go to sleep, I’ll watch over you.”
Xiao Ke had said that he was watching over Zhou Zui, and he really did so all night. He left the lights on all night and turned the foyer light on as low as it could go so that the bedroom would always be lit up but not too brightly for it to disturb sleep. After Zhou Zui closed his eyes, Xiao Ke could feel his muscles slowly hardening and his palms getting cold.
Xiao Ke whispered in his ear, “Baby, it’s me.”
Zhou Zui immediately opened his eyes to look at him, and Xiao Ke still smiled mildly. “Sleep.”
That night, Xiao Ke was next to Zhou Zui while leaning on his arm and quietly watching him. Zhou Zui did not fall asleep for a long time as it was not so easy. However, Xiao Ke never panicked and did not have physical contact with him, but only softly soothed him with words to continue to steadily convey his presence with his voice so that he felt very comfortable and very grounded.
Later on, Zhou Zui really fell asleep, but did not sleep well. Xiao Ke’s eyes did not close as they were always staring at him. As long as he had the slightest bit of unrest, Xiao Ke would immediately say in a soft tone next to him, “It’s me, don’t be afraid, it’s Xiao Ke.”
That’s how it went all night long.
This night was not long, and Xiao Ke’s heart was satisfied with every second of gazing at the lover in front of him. He did not feel it to be difficult or burdensome, but felt a different kind of happiness on such a night.
Xiao Ke also laughed to himself as he was really lovestruck.
Zhou Zui heard Xiao Ke whispering before he opened his eyes in the morning, “Go back to sleep, I’ll stay with you.”
He opened his eyes and saw Xiao Ke’s face that had a slight smile, and the pair of eyes that had been up all night which were covered with red veins.
Zhou Zui’s consciousness returned, and he was lost in Xiao Ke’s gaze for two seconds before he reached out and put his arm around Xiao Ke. He buried his face into his shoulder, and his voice was low and husky, “…You haven’t slept?”
Xiao Ke smiled and used the back of his hand to squeeze the hard bone at the back of Zhou Zui’s head which his fingers gently grasped. With a raised tone of pride, he asked him, “Forget about whether I slept or not. Let me ask, did you sleep all night?”
Zhou Zui responded in a muffled voice, “Yes.”
“Professor Xiao is true to his word.” Xiao Ke laughed two times more before he yawned and said lazily, “I was going to go back to my mom’s for dinner today, but I’ll just forget about it and go to the store to catch up on my sleep.”
Zhou Zui could not say anything for a long time, but only kissed Xiao Ke silently on the ear and neck. His heart rose uncomfortably as he never experienced such feelings. His old heart was held in his hands, and he wondered what he was worth.
Xiao Ke subjectively did not feel tired and tormented, but after all, he was older and not a teenager in his early twenties. He became more and more unable to stay up at night for the last two years. The after-effects of such a sleepless night were very strong which even Lu Xiaobei could see when he arrived at the store, and he was staring at Xiao Ke’s face while asking very directly, “Holy shit…What did you two do last night?”
Xiao Ke yawned and said, “Turn off your bad thoughts, we’re pure.”
“Sure,” Lu Xiaobei nodded. “Innocent enough to do impure things all night, right?”
“Fuck off,” Xiao Ke laughed and scolded him.
That day, Zhou Zui continued on with the previous day of the half-body, and the big brother was still naked on the bed while Zhou Zui was wearing a mask with an indifferent face as he did the outline.
Only his face was indifferent, but his heart was very soft as he was thinking about the handsome teacher in the room next to him.
The handsome teacher knew nothing, and was covered in a blanket while sleeping soundly like dirt.
Although Xiao Ke said with certainty that everything could be left to him, in fact, this kind of thing was something that no one had a spectrum for in their hearts and Zhou Zui’s problem could not really be cured without knowing how. However, Xiao Ke just didn’t believe it. If one month wasn’t enough, then he would take two months; if two months wasn’t enough, then he would take one year; if one year wasn’t enough, then he would take three years and then five years; if there was enough time, then he would get a result.
This was a joke. If Professor Xiao was alive, then how could he not fight? I’m going to stay right next to you, watching over you, until the only thing in your heart when you close your eyes is me.
Xiao Ke still had this much confidence.
This had to be done slowly, not in a matter of haste. Thus, Xiao Ke remained the same as before and did not go to Zhou Zui on the weekdays as he had to go to work, and Zhou Zui also had things to do. It wasn’t urgent to talk about love or to cure the disease. They had a long future ahead of them so what was the rush?
Fang Qimiao was waiting in front of Xiao Ke’s school one day after work to pick him up, and as soon as Xiao Ke got into the car, Fang Qimiao sneered, “Should I thank Master Xiao for accompanying me to dinner? It’s not easy to meet you.”
Xiao Ke laughed and glanced at him with a sidelong glance. “Talk nicely. Don’t be sour.”
Fang Qimiao then said, “If I want to meet you now, then I have to make an appointment in advance. You are the standard type that forgets your friends, you will have no ‘friends’ in the future. Hey, were you not exaggerating when you were with you-know-who?”
Xiao Ke was still smiling as he was in a good mood. “Stop it, okay? Did you try to ask me out? I at least could have not answered your phone call or I could have refused to receive your Weibo message.”
“That’s considerate of me, I know you’re busy with someone so I’m sorry to take up your time.” Fang Qimiao hummed and laughed two times. “Anyway, you have to go with me to a gathering today, I’m too embarrassed to go by myself. There is someone who’s begging me to do a favor, but I do not want to give him the opportunity to talk to me.”
Xiao Ke leaned back in his chair and gestured. “Master Xiao will solve it for you.”
Fang Qimiao asked him after a while, “Is it okay with your Teacher Zhou? There is no conflict?”
Master Xiao closed his eyes and leaned back with a relaxed face. “Everything is fine.”
“This time, keep an eye on it,” Fang Qimiao’s words did stop there without saying anything else, “You are still young so you can not get the better of those old men. Do not let people play with you, and do not suffer.”
Xiao Ke just smiled at that time as he nodded along with Fang Qimiao’s words and made a hmm sound. However, he was thinking in his heart, My old man is a big baby, who would he play with? He can’t even lie, and he feels like he deserves to die for not confessing a single thing that’s in his heart. He feels sorry for Professor Xiao, sorry for the love that he has for him, and sorry for the sincerity of others. Ah, he is really too cute, and a few days without seeing him made me want him a little.
Xiao Ke did not drink a drop of wine at the dinner table. In fact, he did not have stomach pain every time he drank, but he still did not want to drink to not let Mr. Zhou worry.
Xiao Ke sent a message to Zhou Zui when he finished eating and went to Karaoke before he asked him, [Are you busy?]
Zhou Zui replied to him, [No, I’m home.]
Thus, Xiao Ke dialed Zhou Zui’s number before singing to tell him, “Professor Xiao will sing for you.”
The phone was on speakerphone, and Xiao Ke clutched it in his hand as he sang a love song with deep emotion. The other people didn’t know that Xiao Ke was on the phone and asked him to continue singing, but Xiao Ke looked at the time to see that it was almost eleven o’clock so he waved his hand and opened the door.
The phone was put on speakerphone so he put it next to his ear and asked with a smile, “Do you like it?”
Zhou Zui said, “Yes, it sounds good.”
Xiao Ke lowered the tone so his voice was like a whisper directly in the ear as he spoke in a hazy and ambiguous manner, “Then next time, I will sing for you alone…”
The words were normal, but Xiao Ke said them in that tone of voice which always added a bit of reverie, and Zhou Zui’s Adam’s apple twitched. After a few seconds, he whispered, “…I miss you, Professor Xiao.”
Xiao Ke was impulsively tempted to tell him that he would visit later, but then he thought that Fang Qimiao was not finished yet so he was afraid that he would really have no friends after that. Thus, he said, “I’ll come tomorrow night. Wait for me for one more day.”
The next day was Friday, and Zhou Zui was already waiting for him at the door after work. For two days in a row, he was picked up by a luxury car at the door, and Professor Xiao felt that he was not very low-key. However, there was nothing to be done as one was a dear friend and the other was his heart and soul so if it wasn’t low-key, then it wasn’t low-key.
Xiao Ke didn’t even put on his seat belt as he went up to kiss Zhou Zui’s face and squinted as he smiled. “My Liwu is quite handsome today.”
Most of Mr. Zhou’s usual clothes were dark, basically black, but today he wore a white polo shirt which made him look very serious.
Xiao Ke usually wore semi-formal attire at work since he was a teacher, after all, he basically wore a shirt when he was not wearing a white coat. The shirts were also very picky, but Professor Xiao was able to work with the clothes since he could deal with picky clothing. He was not called “Handsome Xiao” for nothing.
Zhou Zui lowly laughed two times, and Xiao Ke knew that this person was embarrassed again.
In fact, Zhou Zui deliberately dressed in this way. A few days ago, he specifically asked Lu Xiaobei to buy him some clothes which clearly indicated that he wanted to look young. The pressure to fall in love with a young and handsome Professor Xiao was really high, and the pressure grew exponentially especially after meeting Professor Xiao’s predecessor. The person was around his age, but looked younger than him with an elegant temperament. As Zhou Zui washed his face in the mirror to measure himself, he felt dissatisfied the more he looked. He thought that he was living in such a rough manner, and his face was not good-looking. His level of education was not that high while an unkempt appearance everyday made him look older than Xiao Ke by more than 10 years. There was no difference between a few years, but he wanted to look more like a student instead of an uncle.
Lu Xiaobei laughed for two hours, and even while working, he was still laughing. On that day, the only tattoo that he had was a small letter, and Lu Xiaobei left after he finished as he had arranged to go shopping for someone and would only return at dark. After shopping for a day, he had swiped his card for a small amount of a hundred-thousand.
“Wear it, and go out openly in front of my Brother Xiao.” Lu Xiaobei felt tired that day, but seeing his big brother with that cold and indifferent face still made him want to laugh. “I’ll buy you another season. Anyway, our only advantage is the money that’s left. If we need more money, we can do several more arm-designs next month.”
Zhou Zui shook his head and said, “It’s not that kind of comparison.”
Lu Xiaobei said, “Who said I was comparing you to anyone? I am comforting you, to ease your heart a little.”
Xiao Ke did not know all of this and only thought that Zhou Zui had temporarily changed his style. He looked quite fresh, and his Teacher Zhou was very handsome and young. It was only when Xiao Ke went home at night to get his underwear from the closet that he saw the pile of paper bags that made him feel a little confused as he turned them over with his hands before he then squatted on the floor and laughed for a few minutes.
When Zhou Zui came out of the shower, Xiao Ke was back to normal while taking his underwear to the shower. As he brushed against him, he pinched his waist and bit his ear before he said, “Teacher Zhou, wait for me in bed.”
In fact, Zhou Zui thought too much about everything. What does it matter what he wears? Would Xiao Ke not like him for his clothes? For example, their lust was deep in the ocean of desire whenever they made love and being with him together during that soulful moment was Xiao Ke’s favorite. Xiao Ke could not control himself from just looking during that time when Zhou Zui frowned and restrained his expression. He even liked him just being naked, so why did it matter what he wore?
When the sex was over, Xiao Ke fell on the bed comfortably and said to Zhou Zui, who was picking up condoms off the floor, “…. Teacher Zhou has a good waist.”
Zhou Zui gave him a look and smiled as he said, “Go to sleep if you’re tired.”
Xiao Ke did not even bother to wear underwear as he just laid there naked while looking at Zhou Zui before he smiled and opened his arms, “I won’t sleep, you hurry up with cleaning up and come over, Professor Xiao’s embrace is still waiting to accommodate you.”
Zhou Zui shook his head and threw the condom over before he kissed him and said, “You sleep in your own room, I’ll sleep in another room.”
“Separate rooms, huh?” Xiao Ke raised his eyebrows, “Professor Xiao has no charm?”
“Not at all,” Zhou Zui touched the tip of his nose with his own while his eyes obviously looked sad. “You have a good rest.”
Xiao Ke opened his mouth to bite his nose and grunted, “No, I can’t sleep alone.”
He had saved up his spirit for a week to sleep with Zhou Zui for the next two days, and it would be a joke for them to sleep in separate rooms so it was impossible to agree to this. Zhou Zui finished cleaning up, and Xiao Ke directly hugged him as he warmly asked,
“I’ll sleep with you today…Okay?”
Zhou Zui didn’t even think about it and replied, ” Okay.”
Xiao Ke’s embrace was very comfortable, and their breath and heartbeat mingled together as they gave each other a sense of belonging and a sense of solidity.
Later, when Zhou Zui was fast asleep, Xiao Ke let go of him to give him some distance and no longer had physical contact with him.
Zhou Zui took a few deep breaths and Xiao Ke said softly, “Relax, Professor Xiao will sing you a song.”
Xiao Ke’s voice was good which Zhou Zui had heard long ago, but every time he listened to it, it was in the noisy environment of a KTV where his voice was infinitely amplified through the microphone. Xiao Ke quietly sang next to him through the night, and this feeling was amazing as it gradually soothed people’s hearts.
Xiao Ke sang a song called, “I don’t want to change you”, which was an English song with a soothing rhythm. Zhou Zui followed his rhythm and slowly adjusted his breathing. The song was not finished, but Zhou Zui had already fallen asleep.
Xiao Ke smiled silently, So it’s actually not that difficult, right? There wasn’t anyone that Professor Xiao couldn’t chase, and there weren’t any exes that Professor Xiao couldn’t squeeze out.
That night he still stayed up almost the entire night while brushing up his presence here and there, keeping his voice clear so that Zhou Zui could distinguish his voice even in his sleep. It would be a bit hard, but Xiao Ke did not feel tired.
This type of lifestyle continued for a long time. At first, Xiao Ke came here every night and did not sleep, but despite his constant vigilance, Zhou Zui sometimes still woke up, and would resist the presence of a surrounding person. When this happened, Xiao Ke would sing since whatever he said wasn’t useful against the nightmare, but singing helped.
This would help distinguish Xiao Ke from that person at first since his song and his voice were warm. This voice belonged only to Xiao Ke, and he sang with emotion only for Zhou Zui alone.
Later on, the intervals between Zhou Zui’s fluctuating sleep became longer, and Xiao Ke could take advantage of interval time length to take a nap, However, he would only fall asleep to a light degree and would wake up as soon as Zhou Zui woke up in order to coax this person with a few words or a few slow songs.
After Lu Xiaobei knew of this, his mouth would not close as he was very shocked. He froze for half a day with red eyes and his hands in a gesture where he wanted to say something but could not find the right words so nothing came out. Finally, he only came up with the sentence, “…. Thank you for your hard work, Brother.”
Xiao Ke smiled and waved his hand in a very elegant and unconcerned manner, “Not hard, it doesn’t matter. You think that your big brother doesn’t work hard? He is even more tired than me.”
The world was not that easy. He pursued Zhou Zui, but he ignored all of Zhou Zui’s past experiences for them to be together which weren’t easy. Even though he accompanied the other and coaxed him, Zhou Zui still felt tired despite falling asleep as his spirit was tense, and he would be dreaming all night which indicated that sleep was not easier than waking up.
However, since they had followed their own hearts to take this road, it was necessary for everything to go well. The first major point was to pull out the weeds which would lead to the future being a straight road where it was more open and comfortable to walk in.
Even Lu Xiaobei heard this with red eyes as he was touched by this. Every night, Xiao Ke’s heart had clearer feelings for Zhou Zui. It was hard for Zhou Zui to let go, and every morning when he woke up, he felt that he could not live up to Xiao Ke’s deep emotions. However, he could only relax himself by not thinking too much and try to force himself to sleep more comfortably every night.
However, he still felt very guilty sometimes, especially when his sleep had become inexplicably worse, and one day he even reached out to push Xiao Ke when he opened his eyes and saw someone next to him.
Without control of his strength, Xiao Ke’s neck was pushed by him with a loud bang.
Xiao Ke was shocked when he was suddenly pushed awake just after he had fallen asleep, but his first reaction when he opened his eyes was to say, “Don’t be afraid, baby, it’s Xiao Ke.”
This incident made Zhou Zui sulk for a day as he hugged Xiao Ke from behind and buried his face into his shoulder without saying a word. He felt very frustrated and anxious.
In the end, it was too painful as Xiao Ke had lost a lot of weight and his chin looked sharp.
That night, Zhou Zui showered and quietly went to another room without saying a word.
Xiao Ke stood at the door of his room while leaning against the door and smiling as he hooked his finger, “Let’s go, go back to bed.”
Zhou Zui shook his head and said in a deep voice, “I’ll sleep here tonight.”
Xiao Ke hugged his arms and smiled evilly, “Are you sure that you can afford to sleep in separate rooms? If Master Xiao wakes up in the middle of the night with an erotic dream, will there be no one around?”
“Dream?” Zhou Zui said mildly with his head down. “You can’t even close your eyes, how can you dream?”
Xiao Ke did not talk to him as he tapped on the door and called him, “Come here, don’t wait for me to pull you.”
Zhou Zui’s spirit had started to rise, and he didn’t want Xiao Ke to suffer too much every night so he didn’t move and just shook his head.
Xiao Ke confronted him at the doorway for half a day before he ran out of patience and his face sank. With his voice lowered, he asked him, “Teacher Zhou, you won’t sleep with me anymore, right?”
Zhou Zui nodded his head in a flash.
Xiao Ke couldn’t believe it, and he was so angry that he laughed. Finally, he nodded and said, “Okay, Teacher Zhou, I got it.”
Xiao Ke went back to the bedroom before he directly locked the door with his hand, and the lock made a “thump” sound while both hearts also felt a tremor.
I wish they knew about the latest approved treatment for PTSD, EMDR Therapy. It seems to be very effective for people who experienced trauma, and is being used for military PTSD and victims of sexual abuse etc.
How sad that ZZ doesn’t seem to have professional help.
He has lived with this for a long time, so it won’t be alleviated quickly if ever.
I get that XK wants to sleep together with the one he loves, but it’s not like ZZ is doing this because he wants to, or because he doesn’t care about him. Getting angry won’t change anything and he should realise ZZ feels crap enough himself already.
Thanks for translating and editing.
I do understand XK’s frustration. He has lost countless nights of sleep, and had committed to seeing his ‘treatment’ through to the end. Without ever complaining. But ZZ gave up because he was worried for XK. Without ZZ’s cooperation, nothing is possible.