The Dragon and the Wizard (Oneshot)

The Dragon and the Wizard (Oneshot)

By Jie Yu

龙与巫师

作者：孑予

Originally published: 2022

 

A long time ago (stories always start like this), in a distant kingdom (stories usually happen here), there was an evil wizard with obsessive-compulsive disorder. The wizard didn’t kill or start fires, nor did he desire to rule the world. He simply liked using magic to fix things that violated his aesthetic standards due to his OCD.

For instance, he would neatly cut the crops in the fields (causing huge losses for the farmers) or symmetrically cut the trendy clothes made by hardworking seamstresses (which successfully ruined the clothes and left her unable to eat for three days). Of course, the most widely spread story was when he blew up and removed the king’s statue (because he thought its placement was too abrupt). Although some outcomes didn’t match his intentions, who cared? He was an evil wizard, after all!

One day, the wizard passed by a simple hut in the forest. The hut seemed ordinary enough, but the wizard noticed a piece of brick inside that didn’t fit in with the rest.

How could this be? With a strong sense of duty, he cast a small spell to make it match the surroundings. Satisfied, he looked at it for a while and felt much better.

Unexpectedly, the hut’s owner, a young boy, witnessed this scene and exploded in anger. He rushed up, jumping and demanding the wizard apologize and, more importantly, restore the brick to its original state.

With his limited vocabulary, the boy insulted and tried to inflict psychological shock on the wizard. The wizard felt a bit guilty at first but got annoyed by the insults and used a silencing spell. Seeing the wizard about to leave but unable to speak, the boy transformed into a huge dragon and wrapped the wizard with his tail.

As it turned out, the boy was a dragon, and the hut was his residence, with the brick serving as the entrance to his treasure trove. You see, dragons are rough and might forget the entrance to their treasure troves. That’s why the dragon marked the brick uniquely. Now, he couldn’t find his treasure and was getting anxious.

If the wizard knew the truth, he would just think of knocking the dragon’s head: The house wasn’t big. Why not try a few times? At worst, flip the entire ground; the treasure was underground and couldn’t run away! But the evil wizard didn’t care about that!

The wizard genuinely didn’t know. He thought he was kindly helping the dragon fix the brick; unlike before, he didn’t cause any trouble. Why was he being blamed? Unfortunately, the wizard had another secret — he was particularly prone to crying. Feeling wronged and angry, the wizard couldn’t help but cry.

The dragon panicked, clumsily returned to human form, and pinned the wizard down to cover his mouth (as his height didn’t allow direct action). The dragon intended to stop the wizard from crying, but who consoles people like this? 

The wizard became even angrier and slapped the dragon’s hand away, choking out accusations, “You… dragon… can’t possibly… find the princess!”

Having a princess of his own was the ultimate dream for all dragons. How could this dragon endure it? He directly sat on the wizard, tightly covering his mouth, silently threatening, “No more nonsense.” 

The wizard had never experienced such treatment and cried even harder.

The dragon’s hands were full of the wizard’s tears, snot, and saliva, but dragons generally didn’t care. He looked around and wiped his hands on the wizard’s clothes.

The wizard couldn’t believe it and slowly revealed an utterly shocked expression. How could he dare! He had completely lost face today and was treated like a rag, even exposing a secret he had hidden for so long. As an evil wizard, he swore he and this evil dragon were at odds!

Originally, the dragon planned to wait a few days until he grew up and assumed human form before finding the princess. The wizard’s words made him nervous. This was the dragon’s first encounter with a wizard-like this, and he couldn’t tell if the wizard’s words were a curse or just anger.

Therefore, he decided to set off immediately to the nearest castle the next day. The wizard read the dragon’s thoughts, but as it was his first attempt to read it, the wizard had almost used up all his magical power.

Ha, foolish dragon! The wizard laughed in anger. It’s fine; he would make the dragon pay. So, he angrily rushed to the castle, ready to replace the princess and guard the castle for the dragon!

 

The small silencing spell had a time limit, and the next day, the dragon found that his voice had returned. He muttered a few sentences happily and flew confidently to the nearest castle.

Rumors had it that the princess there had silky, pitch-black locks and a delicate, petal-like face renowned for her beauty. A discerning, beautiful princess would undoubtedly choose an outstanding and powerful young dragon like him!

He was left speechless when he barged into the princess’s bedroom.

Silky, pitch-black locks, check. (The wizard also cared about appearances; he usually tied his well-maintained long hair behind him, and his hair quality wasn’t worse than the princess’s!) Delicate, petal-like face matched. (It’s well known that antagonists are always handsome, some even androgynous. It’s also widely known that in stories, cross-dressing is never uncovered, vice versa.)

The ‘princess’ glanced at him with a knowing and coquettish smile, her eyes beguiling. She must have fallen for me at first sight! The dragon thought so.

He completely forgot to consider why the guards hadn’t shown up. Carrying ‘the princess’ on his back, he leaped from the balcony without realizing the beautiful and fragile princess had revealed a mischievous smile.

Unfortunately, the wizard, now powerless, had almost negligible attacking capabilities; otherwise, he wouldn’t have chosen to impersonate the princess and get close. Hammering and twisting on the dragon’s back, the wizard only felt a pleasant massaging sensation.

The dragon was deeply moved, realizing that princesses cared so much for dragons. No wonder kidnapping princesses was a noble tradition among dragons! He displayed his bravery to make the princess even more infatuated with him.

With a powerful flap of his wings, the dragon executed some fancy flying moves. The wizard trembled, screamed repeatedly, lost color, and tears streamed down his face. It was his first time flying; he never knew he feared heights!

Perplexed, the dragon, faced with exceptional flying skills, expected the princess to cuddle up to him and praise him. And this crying scene seemed so familiar… Ah, whatever, soothing the delicate princess was most important.

The dragon, not the brightest, thought the princess must be homesick. He decided to give her a more spectacular performance, hoping it would immerse her and alleviate her troubles.

More aerial stunts ensued, and the wizard cried even more uncontrollably. That stupid dragon! Weren’t all dragons supposed to protect the princess and prevent her from crying? He was a disgrace to dragonkind!

After the long journey, the dragon was exhausted from flying, and the wizard was exhausted from crying. Finally, home, the wizard eagerly jumped off, stumbled a bit due to weak legs, and pushed away the dragon trying to help, walking straight into the house.

He decided playing with the evil dragon wasn’t enough. He wanted to continue pretending to be the princess, commanding the evil dragon, enslaving the evil dragon, tormenting the evil dragon!

A warm feeling surged in the dragon’s heart; the princess must have fallen for him; otherwise, why would she walk so naturally into the house?

Lying on the dragon’s sofa, the wizard contemplated various mischievous ideas, although they were childish pranks. Cursing the dragon fiercely in his heart, he couldn’t help but hiccup again.

“Hey, come here, I’m hungry.” Ordering the evil dragon around right from mealtime, the wizard arrogantly instructed, “I want an apple pie made from the most beautiful apples on the tallest apple tree in the Western Forest and plum wine renowned from the kingdom’s east. The tableware must be the most exquisite porcelain plates from the palace and pure gold cutlery with gem inlays.”

The dragon listened, slightly puzzled by these requests’ significance, but without hesitation, he flew out of the house and rushed back only by the afternoon, bringing plum wine, tableware, and a bag of apples.

Seeing the dragon dusty and worn out, a trace of guilt tugged at the wizard’s heart, but he still maintained a stubborn air, “Hey, where’s my apple pie? Why did you try to trick me with apples? And look at the time; I’ve been hungry for a while now!”

The dragon transformed back into a young boy, gently placing the carefully protected apples on the sofa, arranging the tableware, pouring the plum wine, then smiling with squinted eyes, explaining to the wizard, “I had the town’s chef make the apple pie; it’ll arrive cold. I’m sorry; I didn’t fly fast enough, making you wait. But my apple pie is also delicious; just wait a little longer, and it’ll be ready!”

The wizard huffed and turned away, feeling guilty again. Forget it; two days of deceiving him would suffice.

When a hot, fragrant apple pie was finally served, instead of a princess moving to tears, the dragon was met with the wizard’s contorted face.

“What is this?!” The wizard stared in disbelief at the irregularly shaped apple pie, the burnt edges making matters worse. Most intolerable was the vivid handprint on the porcelain plate. 

Puzzled, the dragon asked, “Huh? What’s wrong? It’s an apple pie.”

The wizard couldn’t bear it; rolling up the sleeves of his grand palace dress, he went into the kitchen and met with another shock. Was this a kitchen for processing pig feed?

He blocked the dragon at the door, spent the whole afternoon tidying up, fixed the dragon’s apple pie, and made another perfectly refined one. Finally, as the moon rose in the east, the wizard, relieved, walked out of the kitchen with breakfast a whole day late.

While enjoying this dinner, the wizard sighed several times with heartache – who was ordering whom around?

After a tiring afternoon, the wizard wanted a good soak and rest early. The dragon volunteered to prepare the bath supplies. Despite living in a cottage, a concealed hot spring pool lay in a nearby cave.

The wizard nodded approvingly, thinking, ‘The dragon isn’t entirely useless.’

After so many setbacks today, has the dragon started suspecting me? The wizard grew anxious; if the dragon discovered he wasn’t a princess, he couldn’t currently match his strength.

Perhaps the dragon wanted to trick him into bathing to see if he was male or female. Swiftly, he declined the dragon’s offer, and disappointed, the dragon left.

Not taking a bath was unbearable. After much hesitation, the wizard sneakily returned to the hot spring. Seeing clean robes and towels on the bank, the wizard felt a warmth in his heart and muttered softly, “The dragon is quite considerate…”

Before he finished speaking, the wizard saw the dragon emerge from the water, exclaiming, “I knew you’d like it!” 

The wizard couldn’t help but scream, angrily fixing his dress and driving the dragon out with scolds and shoves.

The dragon fled with his head in his hands, desperately explaining outside the cave, “Princess, I didn’t see anything! I-I-I prepared the clothes just in case, but I thought you weren’t coming, so I stayed a little longer. I had to hide underwater! It’s alright; anyway, I’m your dragon; I’ll take responsibility for you!”

Blushing at the dragon’s nonsensical ramblings outside, the wizard buried himself in the water.

After the bath, the wizard had calmed down. He just wanted to lie in bed and figure out how to deal with the foolish dragon tomorrow. Proudly, the dragon led him into the bedroom, with coins scattered around, heaps of gold and silver jewelry on the bed, and even coral adorned with algae.

What a splendid nest! The dragon puffed his chest proudly, but the wizard felt another shock. Wouldn’t the dragon feel suffocated sleeping like this? And isn’t this dirty?? He couldn’t take it anymore but couldn’t muster the energy either. So, he took the clean bedsheet and slept on the sofa.

The next morning, the wizard woke up in the soft bed, surprised to see the bedroom completely different. Stepping out, he found the dragon sleeping soundly on the sofa, looking exhausted.

Although the movement was subtle, the dragon woke up.

The wizard hesitated, but the dragon sensed his unspoken question and shyly smiled, “I thought you might like this, so I tidied up the room last night…”

He nervously asked, “By the way, when we sleep together in the future, can I leave a gold coin under the pillow? Just one will do.”

The wizard was speechless for a while before finally saying, “Don’t you think I’m causing too much trouble? Being so particular and bossy, I’m making a mess of your life.”

The dragon widened his eyes in surprise, “Why would you say that? Even though I’m messy, having someone clean and organized like you is also good. I also want to decorate our home the way you like. Besides, a princess should be pampered.”

The wizard was stunned; it was the first time someone had approved his changes. He knew he caused trouble for others and wanted to get rid of his compulsions, but he couldn’t do it. Despite often saying that an evil wizard doesn’t care about slander, he wished someone would understand him deep down. Being scolded was always unpleasant.

Even though they had only been together for a day, the wizard had become dependent on the dragon. But the latter half of the sentence was like a bucket of cold water, reminding him that the dragon’s indulgence and tenderness were meant for a princess, and he was just an imposter.

Seeing the wizard’s changing expression, the dragon, feeling proud of his performance, quickly added, “Tomorrow morning, I’ll officially come of age. Princess, will you be with me?”

The wizard panicked and stepped back, evasively muttering a few sentences.

The wizard was absent-minded all day and didn’t feel like picking faults. Finally, late at night, he decided to leave the cottage and let the dragon find a real princess. When the dragon was deep in sleep, he quietly left a letter, briefly explaining the situation and expressing apologies and thanks. With a heavy heart, he glanced back before quickly leaving.

The wizard’s magic hadn’t recovered, so he traveled on foot like an ordinary person. But what he didn’t expect was that he was caught up by the dragon the next morning. The dragon didn’t say anything but grabbed him and flew back. Returning to the cottage, the dragon transformed into a delicate youth. Carrying the wizard like a princess, he walked in and threw him onto the sofa.

The wizard sat there at a loss, watching as the dragon closed and locked all the doors and windows, then returned, grumpily announcing, “You’re not a princess, and no knight will come to save you. Evil wizard, you will forever belong to this evil dragon!”

 

Since the dragon and the wizard were together, they rarely appeared in the kingdom. Rumors gradually changed, suggesting a great wizard sacrificed himself to kill the evil dragon, ending their lives. Consequently, the minor troubles caused by the wizard were soon forgotten.

The wizard enjoyed nestling in bed, watching the dragon count his treasures, and then helping him neatly store them in boxes. The passage to the underground treasure trove was found and rebuilt in the center of the house. Although it was more conspicuous, the wizard cast multiple protective spells.

Not being kidnapped by the evil dragon, the princess never attracted any prince or knight to rescue her, and she happily married her beloved.

The dragon would occasionally pout, asking the wizard to wear a dress and then getting dizzy from fascination. The wizard would intentionally find faults, asking if the dragon still couldn’t let go of the princess. Although the wizard’s compulsions were not resolved, he and the dragon managed to strike a balance.

The wizard thought that being forever with the evil dragon was an extremely happy thing.