Under Clear Skies Chapter 86: Am I Worthy?

Chapter 86: Am I Worthy?

Translated by Fefe of Exiled Rebels Scanlations

 

The night before Tang Heng left Banxi Village, Li Yuechi’s home was extraordinarily busy. First, Director Xu came again and tried hard to persuade Tang Heng. “Please just come back with us… Ah, your students are still waiting to take your class. This is a huge teaching incident!”

Tang Heng still looked sickly. He had Li Yuechi’s jacket over his shoulders. “Find a substitute.”

“Everything is a mess now! How can I find one so easily?”

“Wang Shan can do it.”

“Don’t mention him!” Director Xu’s anger barometer shot up. “That old man is so pissed at getting tricked by you and you still want him to substitute for you?!”

Tang Heng didn’t really care. “Arrange it how you want. If you must, you can suspend me and cancel this class.”

“…”

Director Xu was silent for a moment and let out a long sigh. Before he left, he tried again to get some info out of Tang Heng. “Xiao Tang, what do you plan on doing in Wuhan?”

“What do you think?”

“I want to give you advice from my own experience: think before you act.”

Tang Heng gave him a chilling smile. “Don’t worry. I’ll only make the perpetrator pay.”

Director Xu shrunk back. He grabbed his bag and left.

Soon after, the mayor brought some village council members to Li Yuechi’s home. Instead of being worried like Director Xu, they were extremely happy. Tang Heng knew that they couldn’t wait for him to leave.

“Teacher Tang, you really worked hard these days!” The mayor clutched Tang Heng’s hand and said with emotion, “You really shouldn’t stay in a poor place like here! We couldn’t host you well and might not have more chances to see you in the future. Here, we prepared some local specialties. Please accept this!”

“Thanks,” Tang Heng said. “No need.”

“Teacher Tang, don’t be so polite. We really can’t let you just leave like this. Please take—”

“Who said we won’t get to meet again in the future?” Tang Heng stated. “I’ll be back.”

The mayor blanched. “Huh?”

“The air quality is quite nice here. I plan on coming here to work.”

“Haha,” the mayor laughed awkwardly. “You’re a comedian.”

Tang Heng looked up at him and smiled as well.

In the end, the mayor left the few bags of local specialties in Li Yuechi’s house. After they left, the surroundings returned to the silence that was unique to nights in rural villages. Li Yuechi’s mom and brother were both sleeping. Tang Heng rubbed his face in exhaustion. He turned and saw Li Yuechi standing by the door, shoulder leaning against the doorframe.

“You… Look at these specialties,” Tang Heng whispered. “See if they’re expensive.”

Li Yuechi nodded. He grabbed a pair of scissors and deftly opened the packaging. Rummaging through, he said, “Just some mushrooms and tea leaves. Not expensive.”

“That’s good. I can’t bring these things. You and your family can eat it.”

“Me?”

“You won’t eat it?”

Li Yuechi arched an eyebrow. He seemed to want to say something but didn’t and left instead. Tang Heng stared at his backside. He turned a corner and went out the door.    

The sound of a motorcycle engine revving came from outside. Tang Heng looked away. He stood up and slowly scooted toward the desk. His clothes were all dry now. Li Yuechi’s mom had folded them neatly and placed them in a corner of the desk. Tang Heng had to leave early morning tomorrow. He silently planned his itinerary—he’d come to Li Yuechi’s house without his phone, wallet, or anything. He didn’t even have clothes to change into. Tomorrow, the village council would bring him to the city hotel. He’d take his luggage and go to Tongren City.

Then take the high-speed train to return to Wuhan.

It had been six years. The three words return to Wuhan had become so unfamiliar. He remembered that short period where he’d been a singer in Beijing six years ago. At that time, he’d used the reason return to Wuhan so frequently to request for leave that his manager had joked they should just move their company to Wuhan.

Tang Heng was still lost in his thoughts when footsteps sounded outside the door. Li Yuechi walked in. He tossed a green plastic bag into Tang Heng’s lap.

“What’s this?”

“Shoes.”

Tang Heng opened the bag dumbly. There was indeed a pair of shoes. It was the most common cloth shoes seen in the village—black cotton cloth with a very thick and soft sole.

“Your foot is injured,” Li Yuechi said. “Wear this.”

“Where’s it from?”

“I had someone make it.”

“Oh…”

“Did you pack everything?” Li Yuechi walked forward and glanced at the clothes on the desk. He seemed to have gotten his answer. “Sit. I’ll do it.”

“I don’t have many things. I’m going to wear those clothes tomorrow.” Tang Heng paused and murmured, “Xuezhang, do you wanna do it?”

Li Yuechi looked at Tang Heng. He didn’t say anything and just lowered his eyes slightly. Tang Heng suddenly sensed that he was unhappy.

Could it be that Li Yuechi found his attitude too… too flippant? But with their relationship, there wasn’t a need to act prude, right? To be honest, Tang Heng indeed wanted to have sex with him. It seemed that his muscle memory was much more reliable than his brain. He couldn’t remember many things from the past, but when he touched Li Yuechi, skin to skin, that familiar and safe feeling made his body—long gone numb—gradually become sensitive and soft again.

But he had another unspeakable reason: he didn’t know when he would see Li Yuechi next. Since Li Yuechi wasn’t willing to tell him, he would go investigate himself. However, he didn’t know what would happen after he went to Wuhan.

He’d even wondered if he would still dare to see Li Yuechi after he learned the complete truth.

Would he still have the right to see him?

Would he still be worthy of seeing him?

“What are you thinking about now?” Li Yuechi suddenly sighed, as if not knowing what to do with him. He held Tang Heng’s chin and forced him to look at him.

“Are you mad?” Tang Heng asked cautiously.

“Mn.”

“…Sorry,” Tang Heng said. “We don’t have to do it.”

“I’m not mad about that.”

“Huh?”

“I’m talking about your luggage. You said you didn’t bring anything,” Li Yuechi said in a low voice. “Do you plan on going back to Wuhan alone?”

Tang Heng froze for a few seconds. He blinked. “You’ll come with me?”

“Of course. Would I dare let you go back alone?”

You made me be alone for six years, Tang Heng said. If not for this chance encounter, he might’ve had to be alone for the rest of his life.

Refocusing, Tang Heng asked, “Then what about your store? And your mom, your brother—”        

“Wang Di will watch the store. My mom can take care of my brother.”

“Actually, it’s fine for me to go back alone—”

“No.” Li Yuechi turned and said stiffly, “I’m worried.”

Then he started organizing the clothes. He folded them into neat squares with practiced ease. Tang Heng watched him for a while. “Who did you learn this from?” he couldn’t help but ask. He remembered that, back then, he and Li Yuechi’s clothes had been stuffed randomly into the moving container. He also remembered that Li Yuechi had mentioned Wang Di had a clothing store.

“Learned it in there,” Li Yuechi said.

Tang Heng’s mind went blank. A pregnant pause later, he asked, “You learn this stuff… in there?”

Li Yuechi shook his head but didn’t reply. It was boundless darkness outside the window with just a speck of a light. It was as if they were the only two left in the world. Li Yuechi’s words had been thorny when they’d fist reunited and he’d kept mentioning his prison life as if purposely wanting to provoke him. For some reason, at this point, Li Yuechi wasn’t willing to talk about it anymore.

Li Yuechi’s back was to Tang Heng. His back was too skinny that his shoulder blades moved when he raised his arms. Tang Heng couldn’t help but reach out, pressing a palm against his left shoulder blade.

Li Yuechi’s movements paused. He continued packing without saying anything. His bones moved up and down in Tang Heng’s palm like a little animal.

“I don’t know what will happen after I go back,” Tang Heng whispered.

Li Yuechi gave an mn in reply.

“And after I learn about… everything, I don’t know if I can still be like now.”        

“Why not?”

“Am I worthy?”

Li Yuechi turned around. His expression was dark and unclear. Tang Heng realized something with a start: he didn’t know anything, but Li Yuechi knew everything.

Had Li Yuechi already sentenced them to eternal separation in his heart?

“Stop thinking about it.” Li Yuechi suddenly ruffled his hair and then retracted his hand. “Sleep earlier tonight.”

“Oh.” Tang Heng stared up at him. “Okay.”

Author’s note: Li-ge is such a family man