Pets Chapter 1: A Bird Turned Into a Man

 

I Became Rich After My Pet Became a Refined Human

宠物成精后我成了富一代 by 西羚墨

Chǒngwù chéng jīng hòu wǒ chéngle fù yīdài by Xī líng mò

Genre: pets, BL

Novel Status in Country of Origin: Finished, 35 chapters

Translator: Addis, Yu, Crystal, Heather

Editor: Kuneho, Kate, Addis, UA

~~~~Brought to you by ExR~~~~

SUMMARY:

Xie Guanze woke up to find that the world had changed and that pets had become elite people! His neighbor’s Alaskan Malamute is taking the test to become a civil servant; the cockroach is helping the bear child with his math homework; his sergeant’s monkey is helping teach his grandson how to fight to become a school bully. 

By contrast, his parrot is a good pet. He not only became the head of the food department with his cooking skills but also led the osprey and seagull to start a business, hunted and cooked live and successfully launched a chain network ‘Red Restaurant’. After his rise, the parrot did not forget his original intention. He still went with him to eat and live together and took good care of his master with delicious food. 

At night, Xie Guanze was content to lie in bed, “Life is only three meals a day, enough… Eh?” 

In the quilt, the parrot’s voice was deep, “After three meals, we should do the rest.”

CP: humble and gentle vs. irascible, poisonous, arrogant and charming

1. Many of the domestic pets in this article are forbidden at present in China, and are specially set in the future and in a virtual city; although pets retain part of their animal nature after they become human beings, they already belong in the scope of humans, and have their habits as well as minds.

Chapter 1: A Bird Turned Into a Man

Translated by Addis of Exiled Rebels Scanlations

Editor: Kuneho/Kate/UA

On Friday April 1st 2022, Xie Guanze, who was about to enjoy the weekend, stayed up late again to play ‘Immortal Zero’. When his alarm clock rang, he rubbed his eyes and looked out the window. Unexpectedly, he saw two overlapping moons hanging side by side in the sky.

Xie Guanze thought he was seeing things as he blinked hard and looked again. There were still two moons that overlapped slightly. The moonlight was hazy and covered the two together. It was like a double egg yolk just breaking its shell. He snapped a picture.

“Sleep! Midnight snack! Sleep! Midnight snack!”

Beside the bookshelf, his pet parrot, Snow King, was tossing about in his cage. Xie Guanze stood up and stretched, gave the parrot water, then took out a bag of melon seeds under Snow King’s expectant eyes and gave him a few.

The crown feathers on Snow King’s head stood up, and he jumped up and down on the crossbar and shouted, “Stingy! Drink cold water! Penny pincher! Drink cold water!”

“Snow, it’s time for you to lose weight.” Xie Guanze smilingly poked Snow King’s puffy chest with his finger. It was fluffy, smooth and soft.

“Bah! Cheapskate!” Snow King was a big, white cockatoo. His language ability was average, but his voice was the loudest of all parrots, and comparable to a loudspeaker when he was shouting and swearing.

Xie Guanze got a headache, and then gave him a melon seed to send him away. He took a bath, and left the angry parrot that was scolding him. 

Xie Guanze lived alone. The Xie parents were like a dragon and a phoenix. They would surely attract attention everywhere they went. In order to not compete with their son, they left the stage ahead of time and went to another country to enjoy their own world.

However, being the only one person in the big empty house was inevitably lonely. Xie Guanze had a pet parrot who was constantly shouting and scolding. His house was a legacy left by his parents. When he had it renovated, he had added sound insulation since he did not want to quarrel with his neighbors.

Xie Guanze turned on his mobile phone and sent out the photos just taken in his [Love Money and Hard Work] group.

[Love Money and Hard Work] group was his college roommate group. He graduated less than a year ago and still kept in touch with his roommates.

Shuai Guancang: [Look, double egg yolks {jpg}]

Jun Shao: [Chang’e Moon Palace opened a branch store, and the new store opens with a 10% discount! 10% off!]

Cute Sword: [It’s clearly the renewal of urban spiritual energy. It’s a well-formed renewal of spiritual energy. I’m going to start cultivating to be an immortal!]

Countdown to Becoming a Monk: [Bah, fat man Chun YY, it’s clearly the Jade Hare and the Golden Toad that make up this division. Animals all have the hobby of occupying territory, so we can get both if they are in public.]

Xie Guanze watched his roommate’s imagination, drew the curtains, went to take a bath and came back. Seeing the message indicator for the group quickly flashing, he pulled it to the top to see the history.

Cute Sword: [Bah, baldy is saying nonsense. Jade Hare is definitely a little sister, she is a rabbit girl. {Rabbit girl picture.jpg}.]

Countdown to Becoming a Monk: [I’m not bald, I’ve just lost my hair. Losing my hair doesn’t mean I’m bald!]

Jun Shao: [Hey, I’m going to collect rent tomorrow. I’m so tired after collecting from more than ten suites. I’m going to sleep.]

Cute Sword: […This evil capitalism!]

Countdown to Becoming a Monk: [… This heinous capitalism is so damn tempting!]

Shuai Guancang: [Early to bed, early to rise, good skin, good night {jpg}.]

Cute Sword: [This evil little white face!]

Countdown to Becoming a Monk: [This evil little white face is so damn tempting!]

Cute Sword: [Baldheaded and honest, what do you want to do now?]

Countdown to Becoming a Monk: [Want to do something like that to you, hehe…]

Cute sword: [… It’s so ambiguous when we drink together. I admire you. I admire you…]

…

Xie Guanze laughed at his roommate’s tricks and waved to Snow King, “Good night, Snow White.”

“Cheapskate!” Snow King scolded angrily, jumped around in the cage, turned around, and turned his back to Xie Guanze to show that he was angry.

Xie Guanze turned off the light and fell asleep to the sound of Snow King flapping his wings…

In his sleep, Xie Guanze seemed to hear Snow King chanting and swearing again. The voice seemed to be close. He didn’t care much. Snow King would open the door of his birdcage by himself, as he was highly trained and intelligent and he would sleep in the cage at night.

This night, Xie Guanze didn’t sleep very well. He kept seeing his parents’ smiling faces or hearing Snow King’s shouting and scolding, then there was a weird metal noise, as if a construction team had come into his home.

When he woke up bleary eyed, he found that there was another person in the room.

Next to the bookcase, a man with his back to him was stepping on something, making a lot of unpleasant noises. This naked man had striking white hair, which was washed, cut and set with hairspray in the exaggerated hair style of the 18th tier city. The height of his hairstyle made his height increase a lot.

The most important thing was that the scene man was not dressed yet! 

¹

“Who are you?!” Seeing a strange, naked man in his bedroom, Xie Guanze’s first reaction was to call the police.

Wait, wasn’t he a policeman himself?

Xie Guanze calmed down and was horrified to see the cage under the scene man’s feet, “Where’s my bird?!”

“Isn’t your bird between your legs?”

The naked scene guy, turned around and walked to Xie Guanze with his ‘bird’ swinging. Xie Guanze covered his eyes and felt that he was going to be blinded. However, the other party had no sense of shame. He still had a bag of melon seeds in his hand and he intentionally spat out the shells of the melon seeds while eating them. His attitude was arrogant as if he was in his own home. 

For some reason, Xie Guanze felt that scene man’s actions and temperament were inexplicably familiar. Xie Guanze rubbed his head, fumbled to find slippers by the bed, and bluffed, “Brother, do you know whose house you are in?”

“Oh.” The scene guy ‘pft pft pft’ as he spat melon seed shells on the ground before sneering, “A small police officer’s.”

What happened to the image of the police?

“What’s your name?” Xie Guanze snapped angrily. “Come on, I don’t care about nobody!”

The scene guy continued sneering, wearing his exaggerated hair style as he spat out a bandit-like name, “Xie King.”

Xie Guanze, “Xie King?”

Scene guy, “No thanks.”

Xie Guanze: …….

“Tell me your real name.” Xie Guanze looked at the scene guy’s naked hot eyes and threw his robe to him. “Put it on! Besides, don’t try to cheat me. I can remember your face and check your ID number.”

“Snow King.” The scene guy squeezed out a sentence from clenched teeth, “A rubbish name!”

Xie Guanze, “Are you kidding me?”

Wasn’t that the name of his bird?!

“Xie Guanze! Xie Guanze!” The neighbor at the opposite door rang his doorbell. Xie Guanze looked at the scene guy, told him to put on his clothes and opened the door himself.

As soon as he opened the door, Fu Wentu, his neighbor, rushed up and said, “My dog has become a human!”

Xie Guanze, “Calm down and speak clearly.”

Fu Wentu didn’t speak again. A naked man walked out of the open door, stood by it and grinned at them. Then he raised his leg and peed on the door.

Fu Wentu: “Sparta, don’t do that! How many times have I said no peeing on the door!”

Naked man, “Woof! Master, I couldn’t hold it!”

Xie Guanze: “!!!”

“What did you call him? Sparta? Your Alaskan Malamute?”

²

“Yes, I really want to know what happened last night. A good dog… How did he become a man?!” Fu Wentu looked at the sky through the vicissitudes of life. “When he was a dog, he could go anywhere in my house. When he became a man, he wouldn’t move from the refrigerator. When I got up in the morning, I found that my refrigerator had been unloaded. How can I live now…”

Xie Guanze: ……

Xie Guanze couldn’t imagine that. If his parrot was the big tempered scene guy, his future would be very loud.

Fu Wentu took off his shirt and wrapped up Sparta’s lower body, “Sparta is not allowed to pee. If you dare to pee, I will send you to the vet to castrate you!”

“Woof woof, no woof…”

Under the threat of becoming a eunuch, Sparta held back. Then he looked at Xie Guanze’s pet wrongly and said, “Woof, you have become a man too, Snow.”

Xie Guanze turned his head with difficulty, saw the white-haired scene guy who had tied his clothes around his waist. He looked at Xie Guanze incredulously, and raised his chin proudly, “Hmm.”

Xie Guanze, “King?”

It was his fault. When he saw Snow King for the first time, he was named Bai Xue (Snow White) because his feathers were white and his little lump was soft and cute. Later, when he grew up to be a bigger bird, his bad temper came up. The fierce bird called Xie Guanze ‘Uncle’ every day.

Later, when gang dramas became popular, Bai Xue learned to talk from the TV dramas, and the mantra became “I know” and “I’m tired”. Xie Guanze thought that he was too vocal, so he changed his name to Snow King.

Now that Snow King had become a human being, he still had the fierce temper of a killer. It was better for him to be named ‘Xie King’ than ‘Xie Bai Xue.’

“Hmph! I’m hungry, feed me,” Xie King looked down on the opposite silly dog with his nostrils proudly flared and said it in the manner of an emperor in a palace drama.

Xie Guanze: ……

If he knew that today was going to pass, he would have looked at animals more, at least there would have been a normal bird to pick…

On a beautiful weekend morning, Xie Guanze was distracted by the unexpected situation of his parrot evolving into a human being.

Fu Wentu took Sparta back to the toilet to dress him. Xie Guanze also looked at Xie King, who wrapped his clothes around his waist like an apron. “Why don’t you dress?”

Xie King said, “No!”

Xie Guanze: ……

He took a deep breath. He could only serve the big parrot. Xie Guanze: “Reach out.”

Xie King stretched out his arm and asked Xie Guanze to put on his coat. He didn’t forget to state his dislike. “The human body is really ugly. It’s naked and hairless. My feathers were more beautiful.”

Xie Guanze bent down and buttoned his shirt, “Then change back.”

“No.”

Xie Guanze was buttoning down, and Xie King was curiously unbuttoning it. When Xie Guanze had buttoned the last button, he found that all the buttons had been unbuttoned.

Xie Guanze: ……

Take a deep breath. He’s just a kid. He can’t fight. How old was a five-year-old parrot in human years? The average lifespan of the big white cockatoo was about fifty years, almost the same as that of human beings. Was a five-year-old parrot a five-year-old child?

Xie Guanze: Okay, Snow King is only five years old. Bear it!