Chapter 2: Catching Worms
Translated by Addis of Exiled Rebels Scanlations
What was worse than waiting on Xie King was getting an overtime call from his sergeant. “Xie Guanze, come on, work overtime! It’s a big deal since pets have become people!”
Xie Guanze suddenly thought of the double yellow moon last night. If the pets had turned into humans because of the influence of the moon, it was obviously not just Snow King. “Sergeant, doesn’t your family…”
On the other side of the phone, his sergeant stomped his feet, “Yao Shou! My monkey, my wine cellar and my collection were ruined in one night!”
Suddenly a scream sounded, and Xie Guanze heard his sergeant’s grandson who just started junior high school, “Grandpa! Scholar stole your wine again!”
His sergeant was angry, “Scholar, you put it down! You can’t drink it. What did you do with your breakfast milk?!”
There was a commotion over the phone, accompanied by the sound of the glass bottle landing and breaking, the monkey’s excited sophistry and squeak, and his sergeant’s heart-wrenching scream.
Xie Guanze looked at Xie King, who was rummaging through the cupboards looking for snacks. Suddenly, he felt that his pet was more pleasant.
At least in terms of lethality, he was much lighter than the Alaskan malamute or the monkey.
His sergeant came back to the phone and gasped, “Agh, my monkey is drunk. I have to take care of her. You need to work overtime. The captain said you need to re-register your pet person. We need to make pet cards for our city and cooperate with other police stations during registration. If you don’t register in time, you can’t take your pet home… Scholar, you’re not allowed to smoke! Scholar, put down that lighter!”
The phone hung up as it smashed to the ground, and the neighbor Fu Wentu knocked on the door again.
“Xie Guanze, do you see that? The morning news said that today, pets have become human beings, and they are required to register for a pet household registration at the police station to get a pet certificate!”
“I see. I’m the one who will be doing them.” Xie Guanze cried many tears. This was his weekend, ah, clearly he should not be on duty! “I’m going to work overtime.”
Fu Wentu, “Just in time, I’ll go with you and get a new card for Sparta.”
“Okay, let’s go. We’ll have breakfast together on the way.”
Xie Guanze called Xie King. Xie King’s mouth was poisonous, but he had a high IQ. Hearing their conversation earlier, he still kept a cold and disdainful attitude. His bulging pocket was filled with nuts, he came out while eating, and he also carried a paper-based environmental garbage bag.
Xie Guanze looked at his pet bird on the left and his neighbor’s Alaska malamute on the right. For a moment, he felt a bit sad. It was probable that the original value of the species was high, and Sparta was also handsome after taking on the human form.
Xie King’s newly washed hair was soft and drooping, which reminded Xie Guanze of the special features of a big white cockatoo: his crown was usually lowered, and it would stand up when he was emotional.
After becoming a man, the crown became white hair. When it was down, he looked like a handsome hero of a Japanese school idol drama; when it was up, it was the kind of exaggerated and high-rise hair of a scene teenager.
Xie King, having the instinct of animals, keenly sensed Xie Guanze’s line of sight, squinting at him, “What are you looking at? Birds love to be clean, too.”
Xie Guanze smiled. He had raised Snow King for five years so he knew his temperament very well. Even if he became a human, they were still old friends OR they were not merely acquaintances but old friends OR he felt a connection with his old friend OR he knew him well, like an old friend..
“What would you like for breakfast? Can human food be eaten?”
“I want to try it!” Xie King said with an excited light in his eyes.
Sparta was excited, and the human ears beside his cheeks turned into furry dog ears, “Woof! Eat meat! Bone! Eat meat!”
Xie King chuckled, saying, “You can eat lotus root.”
“Woof?” Sparta blinked. “Why eat lotus root? Dogs don’t like lotus root.”
“Ah,” he said.
It was all about pets changing into people. How could his IQ be so poor.
They were in an old-fashioned apartment building with no elevators. It was the sixth floor and Xie Guanze lived on the top floor. As he went downstairs, Xie Guanze saw a disturbance at his neighbor’s home on the fifth floor. There were two families living on the fifth floor; one had come home to visit his family, the other had an open door, and there was a noise inside.
Xie Guanze looked and was seen by Mrs. Chen. She beckoned to both of them, “Thanks for coming here! Come and comment! In the early morning, there was a little girl in my house who was undressed. At this age, I know it’s not Chen’s daughter. After decades of being husband and wife, I know that there is no such person!”
Xie Guanze took a look at Fu Wentu and thought of a possibility.
Entering the room, Sparta was excited, “Bird! Bird! There is a bird!”
Following Sparta’s line of vision, they saw that on top of the wardrobe of the master bedroom, a little girl without clothes on was curled up and looked at the crowd pitifully. She was about eleven or twelve years old, and her soft blonde hair made Xie Guanze’s mouth curl.
He remembered that Mrs. Chen had a canary…
Mrs. Chen: “Say! Is she your illegitimate daughter?”
Mr. Chen grimaced, “I don’t know her!”
The little girl was very pitiful, “Mom, I am the canary raised by father.”
Mrs. Chen was angry, she grabbed Mr. Chen’s ear and scolded him, “He kept a canary, did you kill it?”
Chen Xing, who went to junior high school, pointed at the little girl’s nose politely, “I also call him Dad, aren’t you ashamed?”
With a cold look, Xie King guessed the truth and said coldly, “Stupid human, this girl is the female bird you raised.”
The little girl nodded, “Yes, I am Jingjing.”
“Jingjing? My daughter’s name is Star. She always says ‘tweet’. Is she really your illegitimate daughter?” Mrs. Chen almost fainted and forgot that her pet bird was also called Jingjing in anger.
Seeing that Chen’s family still didn’t remember, Xie King said directly, “Change back.”
“Okay…” The little girl thought with her head askew, jumped down from the wardrobe, scared the Chen family who thought she was going to commit suicide, and the moment she was going to land, they saw the little girl became a bird with golden feathers who flew in the air.
A real canary.
Jingjing? The Chen family became shocked.
The canary flew to engineer Mr. Chen’s head and fluttered her wings happily, “Chirp ~”
Little girl Chen Xing was shocked, “God, there are monsters!”
Mr. Chen shuddered, “Hurry, go to the Taoist temple and invite a Taoist!”
It was not easy to pacify the Chen family. Xie Guanze turned on the TV to show today’s news.
[Today’s hot news: On April 1st, 2022, God made a joke to the world, and the pets turned into humans overnight. In view of this special situation, our reporter will do passers-by interviews on the streets.]
The first one to enter the camera were two handsome young people. The dashing young man had white curly hair, a fresh face, and a pair of beach shorts on his white body, whining at the same time. “Nmmm, Chinese is hard to understand! I don’t know the language. I want to go back to Peru! Back home!”
The young person in the back was wearing cool fashion shorts, but the slippers on his feet went flying, as he started running barefoot. When the young man jumped up and hugged the white curly young man’s leg, the reporter timely handed over the microphone, “Is this your family?”
“I imported an alpaca!” The young man looked ferocious, turned to his pet and roared, “Calm down. Why would I learn a foreign language for you?”
“Come on!” The reporter sympathized.
Mr. Chen calmed down and whispered, “Is our canary a local?”
The canary suddenly changed back to her human shape, “Mm-hmm, I am! I am!”
Mr. Chen covered his eyes and said, “Wife, please dress Jingjing… After that, we will have another daughter…”
Mrs. Chen’s eyes drifted a little, “Okay, just wear Xing’s clothes. Xing, you will have another sister.”
Chen Xing’s curiosity was rampant, and she was still excited: “Okay! Jingjing, you can fly. Can you take me into heaven?”
Mrs. Chen slapped her daughter on the head, “Are you really a grown-up?. You want to go to heaven! Jingjing, don’t listen to your sister. Come here and get dressed.”
When the camera on the TV turned, a big boy with fluffy hair just had a quarrel with his female neighbor. He pushed four naked children to his female neighbor and rubbed his hair in frustration. “Shit, dammit, just runs off and leaves me a big mess!”
As soon as the reporter approached, he heard the other side muttering.
“Here you are?”
“My blue cat woke me up early in the morning and said he would run away from home to find his lover.” Seeing the camera, the boy finally had a place to vent. “He also caught some mice for me in return for my upbringing, but they were hamsters raised by my neighbors! There were four children in my house in the early morning. My mother thought I was on the road of human trafficking! Come on, help me broadcast it. Miguel, are you there? Miguel, do you see this? Miguel, if you don’t come back, I’ll use your cat to raise other cats.”
Xie Guanze looked around and hesitated, “King, I remember that the mating season of a big white cockatoo is from December to June next year. Are you going to run away from home to find a lover?”
Xie King was disgusted, “Even if I run away from home, it won’t be because I was abducted by a female bird.”
The Chen family was suddenly on alert, “This is your parrot?”
Xie Guanze, “Yes.”
Mr. Chen, “Is it a male bird?”
Xie Guanze, “Yes.”
Mr. Chen felt a kind of crisis like his Chinese cabbage was coveted by a wild boar, “My family’s Jingjing is still small! Do not marry, do not marry.”
Xie King exhaled from his nostrils, “Hmph! She doesn’t even enter my eyes.”
This made Mr. Chen angry, “My daughter is not good? You dare not see it!”
Chen Xing’s face fell as she thought: Dad, that’s ambiguous. I’m your daughter too!
Seeing Xie King starting to bicker again, Xie Guanze quickly interrupted, “By the way, Uncle Chen, I talked to my sergeant. A new pet person needs to register and settle down in the household register. If you have time, please remember to bring your pet card and household register to the police station and come to me.”
“Oh, yes, I’ll go today.” Mr. Chen touched his disheveled hair and smiled happily. “Ah, old woman, it’s a good thing! A good thing ha ha!”
Chen Xing was very happy, “Dad, we need to take a picture of our family later!”
After saying goodbye to the Chen family, Xie Guanze and Fu Wentu took a taxi to the police station. On the way, Sparta continued to circle Xie Guanze.
“I want to stretch my tongue out of the window when we’re driving. I want to lift my legs and pull my pants down when I pass the electric pole. I want to squat down and smell my butt when I see another dog like me…”
Fu Wentu was exhausted, “Sparta, please be quiet. Look at King.”
Xie Guanze had on a proud face, “Well, it’s the nature of the species. I taught him well…”
As soon as the voice fell, he was slapped. Xie King, who had just sat in the seat and looked at the scenery, suddenly turned back to a parrot flying out of the window, leaving only a pile of clothes on the seat.
“Don’t run, King!” Xie Guanze slapped the driver’s seat in a panic, “Sir, stop! Stop!”
“You can’t park here…” the driver was also confused. Seeing that Sparta always stuck his head out of the window, he was scared out of his wits. There was a ‘flying car’ here.
In a blink of an eye, the white parrot flew back to the seat through the window, with a white insect in his mouth.
Xie Guanze, “This insect is so fat… Is it a silkworm?”
“Maybe.” Xie King changed into a human shape, almost blinding the driver. He almost crashed in a sharp turn.
Xie Guanze: “Get dressed.”
“I’m a serious person. You need to get dressed quickly. There will be photos of you on my dash camera. What if somebody misunderstands me and thinks that I’m a pervert?” The driver was also on the verge of a breakdown.
While apologizing, Xie Guanze hurriedly dressed Xie King. What’s more, the white caterpillar fell from the beak of the bird to the ground after Xie King became a human. It moved to the back seat and turned into a human.
“Ah, don’t eat me!” It was another naked man, a little boy of seven or eight years old, with an older voice, “I’m a silkworm raised by my master!”
Xie Guanze: ……
Why were there silkworms on the trees by the road?
The driver wanted to cry without tears, “I am really not a perverted driver!”
The author has something to say:
JJWXC has banned a lot of euphemism words, so I have to go back and revise them one by one, sad.