Chapter 175: Zhang Liangshan’s Wedding
Translated by Yan of Exiled Rebels Scanlations
The time: Year XXOO, November, the night of the eleventh. (Truly an inauspicious date.)
The location: The Bai clan’s mansion in the southern part of the capital star, about 1,111 square kilometers. (This is truly an inauspicious area.)
The characters: the groom-to-be – Zhang Liangshan, the groom’s family – JinYu’s entire household, as well as all the other second generation members and elders of the ten great clans. In addition, there were all the soldiers under Lieutenant General Zhang, the beasts who came to join the fun, and the Bai clan. Probably about 1,111 people total. (This was also an inauspicious amount of people.)
The mission: Before midnight of November 12th, duel or mob all of the tigresses and tigers of the Bai clan, as well as the in-laws, the Black Tortoise clan. Steal away the bride-to-be Bai Sha, and get promoted to become the Bai clan’s new relatives by November 12th.
The time remaining: six hours.
The difficulty level: Rank Epic (usually, a difficulty level like this means one thing: my condolences).
Current progress: 10% (… fuck, if a miracle doesn’t happen for you, truly, my condolences).
Zhang Liangshan paced back and forth in front of the Bai clan’s gates, face dark. Early that morning, he had led the majority of his troops over to pay a visit, but extremely frustratingly, he had been here for the entire day and nobody had opened the door for him!
He dispatched a spy of his own to flip over the wall to investigate what was going on, but in less than ten minutes, the spy was thrown out. Just what was going on! All he wanted to do was get married, it’s not like he was doing an SSS-rank mission!!
“Lil bro, you’ve watched for the entire day now, are you really planning on just watching me suffer?!”
Zhang Liangshan looked at his remaining feeble soldiers and he wiped his face viciously. When he looked at JinYu, he looked like he was going to eat him alive.
A certain fish who was about to doze off instantly trembled and adjusted the round ball that was about to fall off his head. He coughed and finally spoke. “Big bro, there are only six hours left, we must take abnormally violent measures now. Or else we won’t even be able to get in through the main gates, ShaSha can’t even elope with you even if she wants to.”
Three veins started throbbing on Zhang Liangshan’s face. “If you know, why aren’t you moving!!”
A certain boss said calmly, “You’re the one trying to get married, not me.”
“Fine, at least you have to be the one to kick open the doors. Big bro, the Bai clan is a tiger’s den, if you don’t go in how will you get your tiger-wife!”
Zhang Liangshan looked a little conflicted. “Really kick open the door? The amount of money Laozi has to get a wife probably isn’t even as much as this door is worth.”
JinYu patted Zhang Liangshan’s shoulders. “A true warrior is brave enough to face cruel reality and the blood of wild beasts.” (Something strange seems to have snuck its way in.)
As a result, three minutes later—
With an enormous boom, the Bai clan’s front gates were destroyed by a certain husband carrying a laser gun, desperate to retrieve his wife. Not even specks were left.
At the same time, inside the Bai residence, the Bai conference room. Inside were all the members of the Bai clan, as well as the Black Tortoise clan relatives.
“I’ll be damned, this brat is really something! He dares to blast away our gates?! It’s been centuries since someone has dared to do this, right?! Is he really planning on dueling all of us?!” The one who spoke was Bai Sha’s male cousin, Level Nine superpower rank.
His expression was very incredulous, and the same expression was on most of the other Bai clan members’ faces.
“Hmph, just because he has the guts to blast open the door, that doesn’t mean he has the ability to take someone away!!” A middle-aged uncle said extremely unhappily, and his wife, who was from the Bai clan’s branch family, narrowed her eyes.
“At least he has the courage to do that. Back then, when you came to marry me, you knocked out everyone using sleeping pills and then stole me away! When my marriage story was leaked, all the other Bai women laughed at me!!”
Bai Sha’s female cousin smashed a hole in the table with her fist, her expression very malevolent.
“Don’t get stirred up, wife! The other people didn’t do it any better! If it wasn’t mixing in laxatives, then it was sneaking in secretly or bribing or other things! Everyone else is the same!”
The uncle quickly comforted his wife, seeing her about to explode. But that comfort made all the other people in the room also explode. Ah, at least Bai Ling and her Xuan Hai were still both very calm.
“It seems like in our family, only brother-in-law took big sis away even while everyone else was attacking him…” Bai Sha glanced at her sister and brother-in-law, who were looking very sweet together, before she looked at the security camera, which showed her husband-to-be already fighting. Her mouth twitched. Even if Zhang Liangshan was able to get through tonight, it would be very difficult for him to get through the entire wedding ceremony tomorrow.
“The brother-in-law is from the Black Tortoise clan, alright!” Fuck, they were as resistant to damage as those legendary fighter-Nokia-phones from before the great calamity, okay!
Bang! Bai Ling slammed her foot down on the table.
“Enough! Vent all your resentment on the guy who came to steal away our sister!! He’s already fought his way past the courtyard, he’s about to get to the front door! Brothers and sisters, charge—!!”
… the collective roar made the entire Bai residence shake.
It also shook Zhang Liangshan and the rest in the courtyard.
“Reporting to Lieutenant General, I feel killing intent all around us, I recommend retreat.” The little soldier’s ability was premonition.
Zhang Liangshan’s face darkened. “Retreat, my ass!! As if Laozi would fucking retreat when getting himself a wife!!”
“If any of you dare to retreat today, Laozi will beat each of you up after my honeymoon! And! Most importantly, if Laozi can’t get his wife, then unless you all become gay, you can all be bachelors like Laozi for the rest of your lives!!”
As a result, all the listless and dispirited soldiers instantly revived at full blood. There was astonishing killing intent in each of their eyes. Getting beat up was nothing, but they couldn’t never get a wife ahhh!!
As a result, when the Bai clan’s eldest sister brought all her friends and family charging down, eyes red with fury, they met Zhang Liangshan and his soldiers, who were equally fuming with anger.
As a result, the current progress of the mission: 50%. (Wow, you’re progressing really fast. Sure enough, the power needed to get a wife is incomparably great.)
JinYu looked at the several hundred people fighting, and he carried his bun, not letting that explosive fellow also charge over.
He wasn’t afraid of his son running up and getting hurt. Really, he was afraid of his son accidentally injuring everyone else if he ran up. Never mind the others, but if he harmed JinYu’s big bro or Bai clan’s big sis or something, he could still run away from the former, but the latter… it was truly very hard to run from her.
“Son, be calm, do you know what that means? You will also get married one day, so relax. You definitely won’t have to go through so much to get married. So, stay calm, once your uncle gets settled with your aunt, you’ll have cake to eat. Really, I’m not tricking you, you can eat as much cake as you want, we’re not afraid of cavities or anything.”
By using every method possible, JinYu finally comforted his son, whose eyes were gleaming. Just when he was about to keep watching the fun, on the other side a certain second young master of the Long clan – the former heir – entered the scene with his remaining two little brothers, not knowing the bun’s relationship to JinYu and Qi Qinglin because this was his first time seeing him.
“Che, who is this? Big Boss Jin, have you changed to selling zebras lately after not selling beasts anymore? Don’t do that, your pet shop is number one on the capital star. Aren’t zebras too cheap?” Long Changli sneered. Because of his mistakes when dealing with incidents, and because he had lost the battle for the Long clan’s successor position, his ability to become the next Long heir had already been taken away by Long Changxiao. He had also been given an extremely harsh punishment, to the point that besides some of his own personal assets and his status as a Long clan member, he had essentially nothing left.
This was agonizing pain for Long Changli, but what’s done couldn’t be undone. He didn’t have any way of coming back, so after ten months of depression, he finally understood something. Moreover, he got a new goal in life—to use everything he had to cause trouble for Long Changxiao and disgust JinYu and the rest!!
So, he came here. And then, he immediately saw the bun on top of JinYu’s head.
Directly mocked that.
And then he directly poked the hornet’s nest.
At that moment, the battle had been going on for about an hour. Taking away the hour from before when they had to blow open the door and fight the Bai clan’s guards, there were still four hours remaining. The mission was 50% complete, and there were four parts left: entering the Bai mansion, finding Bai Sha, defeating his future father-in-law, and taking away Bai Sha.
However, it seemed… like the process had deviated.
After Long Changli said the word “zebra,” JinYu’s expression twitched extremely quickly. Jin Qian, Ye Huang, and the rest who were watching the show nearby also retreated rapidly a few steps; thinking that it still wasn’t enough, they decided to directly cover their ears, ignoring their image. The incoming demonic music could kill someone if it entered the brain, you know!
The second that they covered their ears.
An incomparably loud spiritual-attack wail resonated through the entire Bai residence for a few seconds. That kind of sound wave attack, which made people have nightmares just from hearing it, knocked over Long Changli and the brothers standing in front of JinYu. Then it knocked over the fighting Bai clan members and special corps.
At this point, it must be mentioned that Hero Zhang’s luck is quite good. The moment he heard the demon song, he threw himself down without another word and covered his ears. He had heard his nephew howl many times already, and nearly every time he twitched while passing out and twitched when he woke up. Let’s keep the suffering in between those two incidents to ourselves. Before, he thought that this nephew of his was truly a demon king, even worse than his fathers, and he had to stay as far away from him as possible in the future!
The moment he saw his big sis and brother in law faint, face twitching, he decided that no matter how awful his nephew was in the future, he still had to unconditionally adore him for the rest of this life!!
He jumped up, ears still covered, and charged into the Bai residence. Current progress: 90%. (This is definitely a miracle.)
He found Bai Sha in about fifteen minutes. Zhang Liangshan saw his father-in-law swaying in front of him, face dark, and his mouth twitched. As expected, the old man was something else. Not even his nephew’s demon howl had K.O.-ed this one.
“Hmph, hmpppppphhhh! Do – do you think! Laozi – Laozi would’ve fainted?!” Father Bai bared his teeth. “You’re dreaming, I’d never give my daughter to you!! Ah—!!”
Zhang Liangshan unhesitatingly slammed a fist onto Father Bai’s back. After knocking him out, he scooped up his wife and shook his head. “Wife, doesn’t father-in-law not have any abilities or techniques.” Implying: why was this fool blocking the door?
Bai Sha hugged the bristling black ball and said helplessly, “If Father doesn’t do that, Mother will make him sleep on the floor. Oh, your luck is so good, this-this is the bun’s voice?” She couldn’t help but block her ears, her expression somewhat perturbed. “We definitely can’t provoke the little demon king in the future, so scary.”
“En, wife, you can relax. Our house is very close to theirs, you’ll get used to it.”
“…” That’s the opposite of what I was saying, hey?!
“And then our baby in the future will be unexpectedly resilient!”
“…” I’ll be damned, why do I feel like our future life is going to be an abyss of suffering ah? Can I not marry you anymore?! (The answer is no, the mission progress: 100%. Congratulations for miraculously finishing the Epic-Rank mission, your reward is a wife!)
As Zhang Liangshan carried the Bai clan’s daughter out of the Bai residence for the first time, in the courtyard, JinYu finally lost his cool as he looked at the Bai clan’s teetering walls and cracking ceiling. He covered his son’s mouth and grabbed Qi Qinglin’s hand, shaking it wildly.
“Quickly stop him! Stop him!”
A cold wind blew past. When Grandfather Bai saw his residence and all the people spilled over the floor, his entire body twitched. He howled at Grandfather Qi, who came to watch the show: “Qi – Hao – Sheng!! Look at what your grandson and great-grandson did—!!”