Pets Chapter 30: the ditch is inhumane

you can’t imagine the happiness of the rich

Translated by Heather of Exiled Rebels Scanlations

Editor: UA

 

“You green mossback turtle, just try your best, we’ll beat you hard!”

“Little turtle, look at the sea turtle flying in the sky~”

“How are you going to play games with hand speeds as slow as yours, I can’t wait anymore!”

The parrots’ insulting speed was faster than their hand speed and polluted people’s minds to the brink of collapse. 

However, no matter how much the parrots cursed, the turtles’ attitude remained calm. They slowly responded: “ I — don’t — understand — back — at — you ——”

“ Bubble — gum — tastes — so — good —”

“So — dry — need — water —”

“Want — to — eat — fish —”

The owners below all started to laugh. It was like watching children fight and they didn’t take it seriously. No matter how they looked at it, it just seemed cute.

Xie Guanze saw that Xie King’s angry cursing grew louder and helplessly facepalmed. 

This combination was brilliant. Besides the names of the teams, their personalities opposed each other. 

The parrots were irritable while the turtles were slow. They had another advantage: their shells were thick and they weren’t afraid to take a scolding. 

Fortunately, the parrots won using their speed and eventually won the competition. 

After the match, the parrots were extremely happy but one sentence from the turtle team almost angered them again. 

“It’s alright, they have a short life. We lost this time, but after they’re dead, we will be the winners.”

The parrot team: “$%#@$*^^#%…..”

The turtle team slowly replied: “Back at you.”

Xie Guanze: “Ahem, King, are you tired from the match? Do you want to get something to eat?”

He was afraid that if he didn’t separate the two sides, Xie King was going to be driven mad. 

“ A Fu, let’s go. I’ll take some tea!” Nearby, an old grandpa stood up smiling and waved at his turtle. Obviously not caring about the outcome of the match. 

Xie Guanze saw that A Fu walked slowly, hands behind his back, one step split into three steps as he slowly waddled over. From the back, he looked like a strong and healthy old verteran. 

“Relax a bit, you guys still have another round to go.” Xie Guanze looked at the time, “What time is the next round? Do you guys have time to eat?”

“It’s in the afternoon. We still have to wait for the other teams to compete and determine the finalists.”

Xie Guanze asked: “Okay, invite your team, we can go eat together?”

“Okay, I was thinking the same thing.” Xie King turned his head and said to his team: “Let’s go, today we won the match, your team leader will treat you guys to a meal. Let’s go eat some turtles!”

Xie Guanze: . . . . .

You’re really going to hold a grudge . . . . .

They were really unlucky today. When they went to eat, the two teams ended up at the same restaurant. 

Then, in front of A Fu and the other turtles, Xie King ordered braised soft-shell turtle, soft-shell turtle stew, and shiitake soft-shell turtle eggs. According to him, soft-shell turtles and turtles were closely related and they wanted to use the dishes as a warning. 

“Another stir-fried angel crab! They’re all flat shelled water creatures, flatten you guys to death!”

“Another stir-fry chicken. Flat feathered chickens deserve a beating. They need to be stir-fried to be taught a lesson.”

“Another …..”

“Another …..”

…..

Xie Guanze and the old grandpa helplessly looked at each other and were both speechless.

Why are they still angry at each other? Look at the owners, who are smiling like a blooming floor. There’s obviously only one winner!

When the bill arrived, the two leaders who decided to foot the bill became distressed. These dishes were all really expensive …….

Sure enough, when it was time to pay the bill, Xie King’s face turned a little pale. Like this, his one month salary was gone and the food wasn’t even finished. 

“Let’s pack the food, bring a few extra takeout containers.”

Xie Guanze motioned to Xie King. While he was packing the leftovers, he went to pay the bill. 

When Xie King came back, Xie Guanze had already paid. 

“I told you it would be my treat.” Xie King was not happy.

“I wasn’t helping you pay. When you win this competition, your bonus will belong to me.” Seeing that Xie King didn’t retort, Xie Guanze deliberately provoked him, “What, you don’t have the confidence to win?”

Xie King: “How is that possible?! The winners will definitely be us!”

“That’s settled then, I’ll wait for your bonus to treat me.” Xie Guanze patted King’s shoulders while smiling, “We are best friends, why split everything so clearly.”

Upon hearing this, Xie King grinned.

“Okay! Wait for me to win, I’ll treat you to a big meal!”

……

The idea was plentiful but reality was scrawny.

The afternoon match, Team Curse You To Death won every round and made it to the top 5 where they met a formidable opponent. 

This opponent also had a weird team name, called Team Squash You To Death. 

When the two team names appeared on the screen, Xie Guanze imagined that their bodies were large and fat. By the time Team Squash You To Death, he saw that Xie King and his team were acting strangely as they were all shaking. 

“What’s happening? It couldn’t be that Team Squash You To Death is their natural predator?”

Xie Guanze mumbled quietly. A handsome man sitting in front of him turned around and explained happily: “That’s about right, since Teach Squash You To Death are all fierce beasts and birds of prey.”

Are all, fierce beasts, birds of prey.

Xie Guanze seriously mulled over these words and felt that Xie King was going to have a hard time. 

Seeing their state, he felt that they had no way to perform their best. 

Animals were like this. Even if they turned into people, they could still recognize whether they were human or pet by their aura and of which species. As long as it was a type that they had seen before, they were able to guess. 

Even if they haven’t seen a species before, the natural predators that have been carved into their bones would cause their fur to stand on end and start shaking. 

Overall, Team Curse You To Death was in this state. 

As Xie Guanze expected, this was the first time that Team Curse You To Death was quiet. They couldn’t utter one insult and obediently participated in the match. Their speed was also greatly reduced that the naked eye could see the difference. 

Xie Guanze didn’t care about the result. He was only worried about Xie King’s mental state. He was worried that the fear caused by his natural predators was going to have a lasting impact on King even after the competition. 

At the end of the competition, the winner was announced. 

Team Squash You To Death had won. 

After all, not only was there the king of beasts, the tiger. The bird of prey with the largest body mass, the golden eagle was also on that team.

An adult golden eagle’s wingspan was about 2 metres long. His body alone was enough to crush all Team Curse You To Death who were parrots. 

Besides the tiger and golden eagle, the other three people on the team were a snow leopard, a caucasian shepherd dog, and a bear. Everyone one of them could crush the judges and commentator group using just their body weight.

Upon hearing the MC passionately introducing the golden eagle, Xie Guanze was shocked. 

“Why would anyone keep a golden eagle as a pet? Is there even space to raise one?”

“There is. There’s a lot of space around my mountain villa. They could fly around a whole forest.”  The handsome man sitting in front of him turned to explain again.

Xie Guanze: “How do you know?”

“My family’s.” The handsome man laughed and patted his chest proudly, “I made this competition for him. Jing Zi complained that he didn’t like the atmosphere in the mountains but there’s little space here so I simply created this competition for him.”

A money flaunter. 

At that moment, Xie Guanze only had these words in his head. 

The poor couldn’t imagine that sort of happiness. 

The space of a whole mountain, the happiness of the whole sports meet. It’s all because of money!

After the competition, Xie King wasn’t happy. Xie Guanze was extremely worried about his mental state. To save Xie King some face, he could comfort him in front of the taxi driver and decided to console him. 

He never thought that as they entered the door, Xie King tightly clenched his fists: “I understand now!”

“I will become rich! I’m going to the sea!”

Xie Guanze: “Huh? What sea?!”

{‘Going to the sea’ — could mean to leave a stable job in pursuit of a better but more risky job. During the Chinese economic reform, people would leave stable government jobs and venture into business which was referred to as ‘business sea’. However, this term is also used for people who engage in prositution.}