Pets Chapter 31: live broadcast accident;

the bird host’s live broadcast roasted the bird
Translated by Crystal of Exiled Rebels Scanlations
Editor: UA

During China’s economic reform, there was a wave of ‘start-ups’ or people capitalizing on the privatization of used to be state-owned industries. Many civil servants and teachers who had safe jobs (iron bowl) left their jobs to start their own companies. The term used was Xia Hai or going underseas, and at that time, the word had a pure meaning.
(It’s called going underseas because the reform made the biggest impact on the coastal cities, so many people went to ShangHai, directly translated as Up/Above Sea. Due to everything being state-owned, gov. Position were considered safe jobs that had a guaranteed future, no way of getting cut or disappearing)

However, with the influence of their neighbouring country, Xia Hai took on another meaning.
( ie used to describe women who sold themselves)

As an adult male, Xie GuanZe, like anyone else, had watched those films in secrecy with his roommates before. Thus, his mind went elsewhere the moment he heard the term Xia Hai.

Good thing, after a bit of explantation he realized that this Xia Hai was very pure.

The rich-man moves made by the Golden Eagle (Jin Diao)’s owner left a deep impression on Xie DaWang. For the first time, this parrot, who had not known the feeling of luxury, understood what it was like to have money, and set out a new goal for himself.

“I! Plan on utilizing my talents and shine like the sun!”

“Right,” Xie GuanZe slowly added, “so, you plan on working at a hotel as a chef?”

To be completely honest, Xie GuanZe felt that it was difficult for him to get into a 5 star hotel with his level of skill…

He came out of a culinary school’s crash course program, wasn’t super talented, didn’t have time to hone his skills, so even though it’s enough to teach at a pet human school and as a home cook, it wasn’t enough for a hotel. The head chef of major hotel chains all have years of experience and a few specialities. Xie DaWang was still lacking in those aspects.

Just as Xie GuanZe was wondering how he should suggest DaWang to learn a bit more, he saw DaWang look at him quizzically.

“Why would I work under someone else? Of course I’m going to do it myself!”

Xie GuanZe: …

Alright, he was even more ambitious than he thought, but isn’t this a bit too ambitious?

Even if he combined their savings, it wasn’t even to open a hotel!

Xie DaWang let out a cough, seemingly noticing the bitter-poor expression on Xie GuanZe’s face and said, “Of course, I’m not saying we should start with a hotel. We can built up to one, right? Starting from a small restaurant.”

“Not only that, our school just launched a program to support startups. Some of my students are graduating soon, and they’re planning opening a restaurant after graduation. They already asked me to partner with them and I think it’s doable.”

Xie GuanZe had a ‘ah, I see’ moment. So, he already had a direction.

Speaking of graduation, Xie GuanZe felt that time really flew by and it was already September.

There was only one term for the beginner level class at Pet University, so they’re graduating at the end of the year. If they wanted to continue their studies into the master class, that’s fine too, but it would’t be covered anymore.

According to Xie DaWang’s insider intel, the teachers for the master classes are all humans specializing in their fields. That’s where the teaching truly gets in depth. Right now, only the teachers had the privilege of getting taught by them for free every week.

Xie GuanZe felt at ease knowing it wasn’t a spur of the moment decision.

“How about, you do some market research and try out the foods at big hotels?”

Xie DaWang nodded in agreement, “Good idea!”

It was good on paper, but after trying it out for a few days, Xie DaWang came back with a bitter expression, “The restaurant outside are super expensive, I almost ate all my pay.”

Xie GuanZe glance over from the report he was writing and said, ‘You didn’t go eat at five star hotels right?”

“No, I plan on making a middle class restaurant so all the hotels I ate at are middle tier too, but even so, it was super expensive! Teachers get paid so little!”

Xie DaWang laid dejectedly on the table as his birds crest drooped down.

That’s true, social services tends to be low paying. Xie GuanZe thought of his pay and that made him want to join DaWang in the crying.
(Government jobs?)

Suddenly, Xie DaWang straightened up and said with sparkling eyes, “What do you say I sneak a bite in my bird form?”

“How about you check out the pet law.” Xie GuanZe said as he pushed his UV protection glasses, “Also, don’t forget your owner’s occupation. Don’t make me lose face, k?”
(Non-prescription glasses that supposedly lessens the strain from staring at screens all day long)

“Hm” Xie DaWang argued, “Then I won’t eat, just watch.”

“To steal their techniques? Be careful of getting reported. After all, you’re picture’s registered in the system.”

“I can get some spray paint and paint myself black so I look like a crow.” Xie DaWang said seriously. The more he thought about it, the more workable it seemed.

Once he became a ‘crow’, no one would know who he was even if they took a photograph~

“Aren’t you afraid of being turned into a dish?” Xie GuanZe said, giving him the final blow, “Bird meat’s pretty popular, I don’t want the next time I see you to be feathers in a trash can.”

Xie DaWang: ……

Xie DaWang finally let go of this tasty dream.

Xie GuanZe turned his attention back to his report. Just then, a popup appeared on his computer screen, it was an ad for a streaming platform. Xie GuanZe offhandedly closed the ad with the pretty lady as a suddenly flash of genius hit him.

“That’s right! Streaming!”

“DaWang, you can make a food stream first to get recognition!”

Once he got popular, he could make money off of ads, also, he could get sponsorships to eat free food, and once he opened his hotel, all his fans would turn into customers.

Xie DaWang, who was in low spirits before, immediately got fired up and shouted, “My god, why haven’t I thought of that?!”

“I was just watching gaming streams the other day, how could I have forgotten about food streams!”

Xie DaWang got right into it and opened his go to streaming app for research.

Food streams were spilt into two major categories, mukbangs and cooking streams. Once you get down to it though, there was a lot of smaller categories, like skill based ones, wilderness cooking ones, comedies, etc.
(Mukbangs started from Korea, the streamer usually eats a large portion of food)

Xie DaWang’s indulgent eyes were unblinking as it gazed into the phone screen, as he mumbled, ‘I knew it, foods are the safe haven. Humans are cheaters who create games with pay-to-win mechanics.”

Even now Xie DaWang was unhappy with the behind-the-scenes-manipulation done by the Golden Eagle’s owner and pet combo.

Xie GuanZe could only shake his head at his persistence. The owner made the competition for his pet, at the end of the day, it was just for fun, so even if he called them cheaters, they still wouldn’t care.

Now he thought about it, all the coincidences were actually inevitable. The teams were probably determined beforehand and the Golden Eagle’s team was going to win from the start.

Xie GuanZe yawned, not wanting to think about it any further as he said, “I’m going to sleep now, so don’t stay up too late and go to bed early.”

Xie DaWang made a muffled yes sound as he eyes stayed glued to the screen.

Tomorrow was a weekend and Xie DaWang didn’t need to go to class, so Xie GuanZe didn’t bother him and went to his room to sleep.

Without much surprise, when he took up the next morning, Xie DaWang’s eyes were bloodshot from an all-nighter.

Not only was he watching the streams, he also researched and took notes.

“Look, I made a note of all the popular streamers selling point.”

Xie DaWang handed him a notebook, it was filled with his scratchy notes. Xie GuanZe was impressed, it looked like Xie DaWang even looked through their old videos for ideas. No wonder his eyes were so puffy.

“Go get a hot water pack to put on your eyes.”

“Too hot, I’ll just get an ice bag.” Xie DaWang opened the fridge and took out an ice pack. He took turns putting it on each eye.

“Some made it look pretty, some made it look wild, I can’t do either, so I decided to make my own flavour!”

Xie GuanZe: “Oh? What’s going to be your speciality?”

“I made an account and I’ll be streaming tonight at nine, so you better come watch!” Xie DaWang chuckled, as he poked Xie GuanZe on the shoulder, “Hey, you better help me promote it. It’s the first day, I’m bound to get low views.”

“Ok, I’ll post it in the group chat.” Xie GuanZe, with his good temperament, helped DaWang promote his streams. Very quickly, he got messages asking about it.

“My roommates will all come and watch. Chu JiangQing even promised to promote you on his socials account if you do well. Xie DaWang, you better make this count.”

“Alright!” The more he listened, the more excited he got. Suddenly, he pushed Xie GuanZe out of the kitchen and said, “I’m going to work on the dish I’ll stream tonight, you better not peek.”

“That secretive?”

“Yep, and you’re not allowed in tonight either. You have to help me regulate chat! If someone yells at me, you’re going to help me retort back!”

……

Once it got to 9pm, Xie GuanZe opened the app on the clock and found Xie DaWang’s stream. The moment he saw the content, he was dumbfounded.

To be honest, a beginner like Xie DaWang wouldn’t have that many viewers on the first day, but Xie DaWang had an ace up his sleeve—he was using his animal form to cook.

Yes, his cooking as a parrot.

Seeing the parrot working hard using two claws to chop vegetables, Xie GuanZe felt the black lines going down his face. (￣□￣｜｜)

Holy moly, you’re really going for it.

The view count was steadily increasing and the on-screen comments were full of laughter.
(For those who don’t know, video/streams in china/Japan will have comments flowing across the screen during specific intervals so you know exactly what the comment’s about and it feel interactive. People watch anime with this on sometimes for a different experience)

[Look, a bird’s cooking!]

[His knife skills! It’s even better than mine!]

[I can’t believe a time has come that I’ll be learning cooking from a parrot…]

[I can’t be the only who feels ashamed. I’m going to get my kitchen-destroyer of a roommate to watch with me…]

[Same, my girl friend isn’t just a kitchen-destroyer, she’s a god! Have you tried black coffee with HuoXiangZhengQiShui?]
(A type of Chinese medicine liquid that’s used for colds but contains 40-50% alcohol content. Chinese medicine is usually very herbal and bitter)

[You’re girl friend sounds super scary!]

[scary +1]

……

Xie GuanZe felt a cold shiver as he read the unbelievable ‘black coffee brewed with HuoXiangZhengQiShui’.

What kind of creepy flavour is that? Just thinking about is nauseating!

The on slaughter of on-screen commits was even covering the white parrot’s body by a little. At this point in time, DaWang had already finished cutting up the pepper. He was making a beginner level dish, pan-fried pepper with shredded meat, it was also his favourite dish.

Like the fans were saying, Xie DaWang had amazing knife skills. The pepper and meat were cut up very evenly, it was just that the pepper got his eyes teary.

Xie GuanZe couldn’t help but laugh and made the first donation. He purposefully sent a comment with it:
[The little beauty’s tears are so inviting, cute, want to…] (f***)

Now the mood took a 180 turn as the donations and comments came flooding in.

[Hehehe, you don’t say, the pretty tears, me likey!]

[Here, a few dollars, you’re mine tonight!]

[Hey beautiful, you belong to me now!]

……

In a few moments, cute girls became old mans, each more perverted than the last.

Just as Xie DaWang was about to start cooking, he glanced up to where his phone was and accidentally saw a screen full of ‘beautiful’, ‘little beauty’. In anger he yelled, “I’m a man!!!”

Just as he was talking, the oil dripped into the wok and in a spilt second, the flames got big. It exploded with a ‘pong’ and engulfed Xie DaWang!

Xie GuanZe rushed out his bedroom into the kitchen.

On screen was a comment flowing by:
[OMG, bird streamer on live cooking bird! Is this an act of self harm or perversion???]
(Little bird also means male genital in Chinese)