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Chapter 38

Having no time to consider much, Nan Ge Er could only hug on Mo Shu’s hands with all his might, “Stop, don’t kill anymore.”

There were neither any signs nor any murderous intent. In a mere few minutes’ time, Mo Shu murdered more than ten defenceless people without even a blink of his eyes! That is totally…Nan Ge Er had no idea how to describe the present shock he felt.

Nan Ge Er didn’t allow Mo Shu to kill, so Mo Shu didn’t persist in continuing his actions too. With a shake, blood stains fell cleanly off the bendable sword. After that, Mo Shu sheathed the sword, returning it his waist. He reached his hand out to stroke on Nan Ge Er’s head, “What’s wrong? Feeling cold?” While asking, he wrapped Nan Ge Er with his white coat.

The people in the streets were still in a panicked state. Every one of them was flurrying around and screaming meaninglessly. Nan Ge Er opened his mouth, unable to let any sound out. He only felt himself trembling all over.

Mo Shu didn’t hear what Nan Ge Er said. Thus, he unsheathed his sword again, striking it down; bloodshed appeared yet again. “Shut up. “He snarled softly with just the voice he used normally.

However, once the sword struck down, three perfectly fine head rolled down simultaneously. This scene silenced the whole street again. A dead silence.

Seemingly even forgotten to breathe, every one of them looked frightfully at that male, who was as ethereal and graceful as a white blossom. Although he had killed more than twenty people, his mount was not even marred by a single stain. How terrifying. Nan Ge Er cowered in Mo Shu’s embrace. He only felt a lack of strength all over; even breathing became difficult for him.

He did kill people before too but had never once cut down a life personally. Furthermore, every kill he made was compelled by circumstances. However, in Mo Shu’s case, every kill was made in such a natural, matter-of-course way–as naturally as having a meal, or a drink. In fact, he didn’t even have any bit of murderous aura on him. Him slicing off others’ heads was the same as slicing off meat when cooking daily. Nan Ge Er couldn’t stop his body from quivering. Now, he finally understood the reason why the doctor discussed that issue with him in such a serious tone, and why Zhu Xi and Xiao Xia looked so worried.

It was because Mo Shu just didn’t possess the regular code of conduct that a typical person should have. He would kill in such an unrestrained manner, simply due to passersby blocking his way. Such an insignificant reason; such a cold, cruel reason. Or perhaps, it wasn’t caused by such a dull reason like someone blocking his path. Maybe it was merely because he wanted to kill, so he killed them. Hence, the doctor would call him bloodthirsty. Is such a scene being too horrifying the reason why the doctor said he will concoct a medicine for me?

That time, he really thought what the doctor said was just unnecessary, but now, he felt that it really was reasonable. It wasn’t just a simple thirst for blood. Instead, it was the belittling, or even disregard, of human lives that made him able to wield his sword so easily. It was as natural and scornful as humans crushing an ant.

The trembling all over Nan Ge Er’s body made Mo Shu exceedingly anxious. He touched Nan Ge Er’s forehead, worried, “What’s wrong?”

The biting of lips was the sole thing that could stop Nan Ge Er’s urge to scream when looking at Mo Shu’s face—Mo Shu didn’t even think there was anything strange with him.

He buried his head, replying hoarsely, “I don’t like the scent here.” The stench of blood had already dispersed out, scattering around in the air. It almost made him puke.

Hearing that, Mo Shu carried Nan Ge Er carefully, placing his head on his chest, “We will leave immediately.”

He clearly killed people just now, but why is there not a single whiff of blood on him? It is still the scent of pine wood that I’m familiar with; that clean, pure scent. He clearly killed so many people.

Nan Ge Er could only feel his heart almost popping out from his chest, causing him to be nauseous and afraid. The quivers in his body grew stronger as if he had contracted malaria. Yet, as if possessed, he stuck himself desperately onto the male who made him chilled to the bone.

Scary-scary-scary-scary. I want to cry-I want to cry-I want to cry-I want to cry. Mo Shu Mo Shu Mo Shu Mo Shu… Nan Ge Er only realized he had shouted Mo Shu’s name out from his throat when Mo Shu gave him a gentle short answer.

“Mo Shu.” He gripped tightly on Mo Shu’s waist. He could even feel his voice shaking when he shouted Mo Shu’s name out. Will you kill me? Just like before, striking your sword at me without even blinking your eyes?

“I’ll get you to the doctor right now.” Mo Shu though Nan Ge Er wasn’t feeling well, so he reached his hand and touched his forehead, trying to comfort him.

Mo Shu’s touch made Nan Ge Er shrink involuntarily for a bit, yet his grip on him got even harder. I’m not afraid of death, I’m really not. I never fear death, but what frightens me the most is if the person who treats me sincerely ended up pointing a sword at me. I’m alright with anyone killing me, except for you.

“I’m scared.” Nan Ge Er finally couldn’t control himself any longer. His body was almost going to break apart from the trembling. He lifted his head up and looked at Mo Shu, his vision blurring gradually. “I’m scared; don’t beat me. At least don’t let the person beating me be someone you sent over. Don’t kill me. I’m scared. It hurts. It hurts-it hurts…” He got a bit uncontrollable. The previous anguish etched in his soul deeply was mixed with the present scene, making him slip into extreme trepidation. Mo Shu froze.

“Cold-it’s so cold-my heart is going to burst from the pain.” Nan Ge Er squeaked, his gaze falling apart, “Don’t kill me, don’t kill me. I’m scared, I’m scared…” The obscure words blurted out were incomprehensible. After repeating his words over and over, his voice became intense gradually, “I’m afraid of pain. What did I do wrong? It hurts- Why did you bring me here? I want to go back- I want to go back. I hate you- I hate you.” He clutched onto Mo Shu’s neck like a maniac, “I dislike fire; I dislike the color black. Hurts-hurts. I don’t want to live any longer. I don’t want to live anymore. It hurts-it hurts!” The blood-curdling screams were exceptionally mournful, as though shrieks from someone in extreme pain.

Blood flowed out from the cuts he scratched on Mo Shu’s neck. Then, he turned his hands towards his neck, choking on it. The lunatic-like strength was exerted as though to choke himself to death. “I don’t want to live anymore. Please-let me die, let me die.” He spouted out again and again while gripping onto his neck psychotically. I’ve already died twice. Please don’t make me revive again; I don’t want to suffer like that anymore.

Mo Shu turned pale. He grabbed Nan Ge Er’s hands at once, discontinuing him from self-harming. Nan Ge Er struggled with all of his might as if planning to murder his own enemy. With no choice left, Mo Shu gave him a knife-hand strike, knocking Nan Ge Er out. Mo Shu only realized he was drenched in sweat from the shock when Nan Ge Er finally lost consciousness. He knew Nan Ge Er suffered quite a bit, but never had he even think that his killing today would provoke him that strongly. As Mo Shu looked at the glaring reddish-green marks on Nan Ge Er’s thin neck, he could only feel excruciating pain in his heart. Exactly how agonizing the pain is to make him do such actions?

Although he never found any value in the lives of outsiders, Nan Ge Er’s reaction just then deterred him from killing anyone in front of Nan Ge Er from now on.

During the next five days, Nan Ge Er had been in a constant semi-unconscious state. No matter the amount of food fed to him, all were puked out. Even water had to be fed in tiny mouthfuls by Mo Shu; it would be thrown out if any more was given. Nan Ge Er seemed to be possessed by his nightmares. He spent every day lethargically while kicking up a fuss continually, his life weakening by the minute.

In just five days, all of Mo Shu painstaking efforts of cooking during the last six months gone to waste. Nan Ge Er got so thin, he practically became an emaciated shell of his former self, almost similar to how he was when he first arrived Guang Tian. Several physicians were consulted. They concluded that he had too much stress, and his chances of survival were slim. In excruciating anxiety, Mo Shu almost killed those useless physicians out of rage to appease his anger. Fortunately, the people from Guang Tian who lived there kept dissuading him. In the end, someone was appointed to fetch the doctor over; Nan Ge Er’s life was finally rescued after taking a series of medicine.

When Nan Ge Er regained his consciousness again, it was already noon. A person lay on the side of the bed with a white coat draped over his shoulders. As soon as Nan Ge Er woke up, Mo Shu, detecting a change in Nan Ge Er’s breathing pattern, awakened as well. His gaze swiveled towards Nan Ge Er. After pulling through the illness, Nan Ge Er’s state of mind had calmed down quite a bit. He wasn’t as fearful as before. Moreover, since he consumed nothing, he had no means to be agitated.

Even though Mo Shu noticed Nan Ge Er had woke up, he did not utter a word. He only reached his hand out, brushing away disheveled hair away from Nan Ge Er’s forehead. A long while later, he finally whispered, “I will never kill anyone in front of you again.” Nan Ge Er blinked as an acknowledgement.

“You almost scared me to death.” Mo Shu continued. As Mo Shu was keeping watch every day and had no mood to eat, he became much thinner as well. Due to that, he looked even slimmer and more attractive, as though he would ascend to the heavens at any moment.

As Nan Ge Er blinked, his tears started streaming down. “Mo Shu.” He called out in a soft, hoarse voice. Mo Shu stroked his head. “Living… is just too tough.” Tears trickled down his cheeks as he expressed weakly, “It is so difficult.”

Mo Shu wiped his tears away while focusing his gaze on him.

“Don’t kill me; don’t hurt me. Or else, my life has no meaning to it. I can only live on if you dote on me.”

After a long silence, Mo Shu muttered, “Alright.”

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Rikko (Translator)

Loves BL and bunny rabbits.


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January 15, 2020 12:46 pm

I wonder how Nan Ge must have felt. He spent 3 years being tortured because of the brother he loved unconditionally… He discovers that the man he’s in love has a very dark side that he didn’t know about. Nan Ge must have remembered how he had previously suffered at the hands of someone he trusted and was afraid of being betrayed again by the person he loved most.
This chapter was very sad 😭😭😭😭

Angel Mizuhara
Angel Mizuhara
February 19, 2020 4:52 pm

Wow the emotions…… 💔

April 26, 2020 12:25 pm

Les aseguro que al leer todo esto, no pude contener mis emociones, entender que confías en alguien, pero tener miedo de la traición.
Me dolió mucho que me puse triste y a llorar.

May 6, 2020 10:28 pm

I cry again. Our MC really broke 😭 he isnt afraid of death but he is afraid of batray.

January 12, 2021 6:47 pm

Betrayal by someone you deeply trust and loved truly cut the deepest. Xiao Nan was betrayed to the point that they wished him dead. So long he is living, that betrayal will haunt him, creeping like a shadow with every step of being alive he take. Now that Xiao Nan started trusting and loving another one, he was shaken by the Mo Shu other side and the shadow flared again. I am glad Mo Shu realised this and Xiao Nan now acknowledge that he needed this journey.

January 15, 2021 2:08 am

it hurts ah QAQ

June 19, 2021 3:48 pm

This is heart breaking.
Thank you for translating.

October 11, 2021 6:40 pm

His heart won’t take it if the second one he cared about in this life betrays him too QAQ my poor bb

February 22, 2022 1:09 am

that breakdown is so painful. maybe at first we hadn’t seen the effects of him being betrayed by someone he trusted the most, but that actually left the deepest wound in his heart. and now, seeing mo shu’s cruelty, even if it wasn’t towards him, it still tore his wounds open

Banana Latte
Banana Latte
July 16, 2022 8:20 am

i cried so much after reading this( ・ั﹏・ั)….
the pain NGE felt of betrayal.
even if i were him, i would be scared too bcs in MS’s eyes, seems like humans life doesnt matter.
NGE spent 5 YEARS w MS only knowing his foolish yet gentle side
he never knew MS would be this merciless when it comes to outsiders.
i understands how NGE feels…
tbh the development, its too sudden bcs this novel is soo calm that i forgot what kind of novel was this abt hsjhskshsk.

August 16, 2022 12:20 am

If i were Nan Ge i wouldn’t dare trust someone who could kill me so easily. Gosh no wonder they were so anxious.

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