Translated by Yan of Exiled Rebels Scanlations
It’s said that sometimes, the more powerful a human or beast was, the more they would be able to sense danger – JinYu, as a veteran sixth sense worshipper who rolled out from the Earth’s apocalyptic days, had never once doubted the truth of that statement.
So, when a perfectly content Big Boss Jin came back with another perfectly content Head Young Master Long in tow and saw the docile fire phoenix standing next to XiaoXue, he was immediately delighted.
“Aiyou, what’s this? Didn’t a certain fellow hate cold things the most? How come I can’t see any of that hatred right now – instead it’s almost as if someone wants to push the other down right away? XiaoXue! You deserve to be called a beast that I, your boss, trained! I’ll give you a big banquet when we get back tonight!”
The fire phoenix and XiaoXue had the same exact response to JinYu’s words: they buried their heads under their wings almost simultaneously. The fire phoenix was depressed because it was really exactly like how JinYu had described. Before, it wanted to send that beast flying as far as it could go, but now it clung onto the other beast, not letting it leave… fuck! Look at the way the other beasts were looking at it!
They definitely thought it was some gangster beast who bullied its own kind!! But it didn’t really have that intention, okay? It only wanted to satisfy its old man’s wish!
Besides the powerful, destructive gazes of the other beasts containing disdain, contempt, disregard, and loathing, what made the fire phoenix the most depressed was the snow bird that it was using fire to corral right now. The fire phoenix, a beast king, had already deigned to lower itself to the point that it was asking XiaoXue to bring snow and hail, yet XiaoXue still dared to ignore the beast king! Never mind the ignoring part – while ignoring it, XiaoXue kept yelling about harassment, what was it trying to fucking do?! If it dares to keep shouting, maybe Laozi would actually harass it, hah?
I’m telling you to make it snow a little, not to die! Is it easy for Laozi, hah?!
As the fire phoenix thought that, it looked at its old man, who was still cheerfully waiting for XiaoXue to make it snow, nearly to the point that its old man had tears streaming down its face. As a S-rank mythical beast, how could it do nothing about an A-rank snow bird?! Was there another bird in the fire phoenix clan who had it worse off than it did right now?! Was there, was there?!
Compared to the fire phoenix’s resentment, which was about to become a sea of flames, XiaoXue was suffering the greatest injustice! Was there a snow bird more tragic than it was right now?! As a traditional cold beast who typically wanted to stay as far away from heat as it could, it was now trapped by a fire bird! Trapped!! Fucking hell, never mind trapping it and stripping it of its freedom; it was also expected to demonstrate snowfall?! Do you think Laozi is your pet or your slave beast?! This Laozi is a noble snow bird!! Not a performance beast!!
Chirp! 【I say, can you go a little bit faster? My father is still waiting!!】
Chiiiirp!! 【You fucking go faster! It’s too hot right now! Laozi is going into summer hibernation!! When I wake up, I’ll report you for illegal detainment!!】
Chirp chirp chirp!! 【What fucking detainment!! If you don’t move, don’t blame me for using force! Do you not know the meaning of ‘die early and be reincarnated early’?! The faster you get it over with the sooner I’ll let you go!】
Chirp pah! 【Dream on, dreaming in broad daylight!】
As a result, in the next half an hour, as Big Boss Jin told the other beasts what to do, he and the other humans and beasts also watched the fire phoenix and XiaoXue’s furious fight.
“… if only I had melon seeds right now.” JinYu looked at the two beasts across from him and couldn’t help but sigh. It had already been half an hour, but they didn’t look like they were going to stop anytime soon.
Ao? 【What’s a melon seed?】 ErHei asked from the side. WangWang tilted its head and howled.
Oooh? 【It seems like some… food? To eat while killing time and watching a show. Haven’t eaten it before.】
Da DaBai clapped its claws after it heard that. Aoooo. 【What do you guys think, if I create some ice particles for that black phoenix to see, will they stop, awoo?!】
Da DaBai hadn’t finished speaking before ErHei and WangWang bowled it over and covered its mouth extremely quickly. ErHei looked into Da DaBai’s shocked eyes and said, 【Do you not know that XiaoXue and the fire phoenix are the Big Boss’ ordained CP?】
Da DaBai was stunned, before it nodded. Alright, it knew now. But was that a contradiction to what he just said?
【You must know that CP is the law of the land. Whoever dares to tear down the boss’ ordained CP, they must bear the risk of being forever alone.】 WangWang spoke similarly gravely from the side, its Tibetan mastiff face stiff.
It was truly warning Da DaBai very seriously, not joking at all—it must be said that before, when they were all watching television, there was a CP in a drama that wasn’t what the boss had wanted. That night, ErHei and WangWang had been secretly dispatched to that light network’s television station to stealthily destroy the station’s most expensive light videotaping processor. After the show had been produced, the boss had specifically splashed the ‘dark honey water’ that the beasts all hated onto it. What happened after, they didn’t know. But they did know that a hilarious nickname had been given to a somewhat famous show producer after a period of time: can’t “stand” it.
(*there’s a pun here for “can’t stand it,” in which the “stand” character is the same as the character for “beast”)
So, even if they mooched off of the boss until they died, they still couldn’t tear down the boss’ CP while they were alive. Because if they did, they would definitely be better off dead.
Da DaBai looked at WangWang and ErHei’s extremely serious eyes, and it couldn’t help but swallow slightly. Alright, even though they hadn’t told it what kind of dangers faced tearing down or being suspecting of tearing down the boss’ CP, from their eyes, it could definitely see the kind of consequences that made beasts extremely cautious.
Even though the three beasts made quite some racket over on that side, luckily it didn’t catch the attention of a very dangerous boss. Right now, Big Boss Jin was looking delightedly at a fire phoenix who was about to collapse from the pressure; while it trapped XiaoXue, it comforted its impatient old man who wasn’t able to see the snow fall for a long time.
“Pfft, I say, enough with you two. Since the fire phoenix can’t do anything about XiaoXue, and XiaoXue can’t leave for the time being either but still can’t bear seeing the black phoenix be sad – XiaoXue, can’t you just throw a snowball at the fire phoenix or send some icicles at it or something? In any case, its begging you, so you doing this is quite shameless, isn’t it.”
Hearing that, XiaoXue’s eyes lit up. When the fire phoenix saw its piercing blue eyes, it had the impulse to blind it with one flap of its wings! Except instead of the bird standing before it, it more so wanted to blind a certain no-good boss who came up with such a rotten idea while standing by and watching the show!
Glaring over at the boss, the no-good boss smiled quite purely. “See, I treat my beasties very well.”
“Oh, well that, isn’t your old man’s consciousness still not fully well yet? Our agreement is that whenever it recognizes you, and no longer goes berserk, then you can enter the shop. Right now, your dad isn’t healed yet, so you aren’t considered part of my shop yet. So, you see, aren’t I being very fair and impartial?”
The fire phoenix rolled its eyes impressively in response to JinYu’s words. That’s being impartial? That was just looting a burning house, profiting from someone else’s misfortune, a good beast being taken advantage of by a human!!
But no matter how unhappy and displeased the fire phoenix was, XiaoXue had already started to loot the burning house and profit from its misfortune, as it threw icicles and half-formed snowballs.
What made the fire phoenix really think that it was better off dead was that its own old man, who should be on its side, was excitedly flapping its wings and encouraging XiaoXue as XiaoXue threw icicles and huge snowballs at the fire phoenix… there was nothing sadder than a withered heart! The fire phoenix lamented, having a father whose consciousness wasn’t clear was terrible… truly terrible!!
After XiaoXue happily slammed the fire phoenix for an hour, the black phoenix was satisfied. It waved its wings and patted XiaoXue’s head to show closeness and gratitude, before it laid down on the grass and went to sleep.
XiaoXue didn’t know whether to laugh or cry after being patted on the head by the black phoenix dad. This was the first time it was patted on the head by an elder, and it was an elder whose natural disposition was somewhat opposite to its own at that… but even though it was somewhat hot and uncomfortable when being patted on the head, it felt very warm and joyful in its heart.
But compared to XiaoXue’s warmth and joy, the fire phoenix was currently experiencing all sorts of disgust. It had already been completely roasted in its heart by that snow bird. It felt like there was some demonic fire leaping inside of it, and the easiest target for venting that fire was the piercingly white, hatefully cold bird in front of it!
XiaoXue scuttled behind its boss after it caught a glimpse of the fire phoenix. The boss wasn’t the final shield, the big BOSS by the boss was. So, with the BOSS and boss present, what can you do to me, hah?
Silently using its eyes to transmit a ‘if you have the skills, then come at me, come at me bro!’ message, a certain snow bird looked quite unkindly at a certain fire phoenix who was about to self-combust from anger.
–to the point that when JinYu said that it was in charge of being a courier to two places every day from now on, the fire phoenix instantly accepted it. In other words, things that made extreme joy turn to sorrow often happened without notice. Being careful and low-key was the only way to survive…!
Of course, XiaoXue and the eldest Young Master Long were both very delighted. After returning to the shop, Long Changxiao got ready to get in touch with his relatives and prepare for excavation and exploring. As for the issue of how to conceal the earth, after Big Boss Jin gritted his teeth and promised to do a full service for a certain BOSS, a cheerful BOSS cheerfully took care of the problem—
Qi Qinglin indicated that, on behalf of his mate, he could use his qilin clan’s satellite base as a hub for distraction. As long as JinYu laid down a transportation array on the satellite base, he could transport the people over to earth. As long as he sent them straight to the desert, the people he sent would think that they were still on the qilin clan’s satellite base.
It must be said that this was a very good plan, extremely good. But it was because this plan was very good that a certain whale felt that – fuck, compared to this, a full service would be over in a blink of an eye!!
So finally, when Long Changxiao left, Long Changxiao and Qi Qinglin both wore smiles on their faces. As for Big Boss Jin, it was a spot-on fake smile. He decided to eat sleeping pills and play dead for the entire night!
At that critical moment, a certain doomed fellow bounced over and said something that made the critical moment completely explode.
Squeak squeak squeak!
【Boss boss! Not good! I discovered that our next next next next door neighbor is lying in ambush for us and has set a trap! There are already a lot of battle beasts who’ve been tricked into going over there to take part!!】
Instantly, a certain prehistoric whale’s eyes flashed, and a sinister smile emerged.
Fuck, tricking Laozi’s beasts?! Digging into Laozi’s wall?! You must think that your life is too easy, right?