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Chapter 26

“Four months?” Kichirou repeated, almost in a trance.

“There was a complication with the surgery. The bullet hit one of your valves and it had to be repaired. But during the surgery you lost too much blood and had to be put into a medically induced coma to keep you alive.” Jun whispered the explanation as the nurses checked Kichirou over. Kichirou stared at his hands, and at the thread that moved slightly along his finger as if it was being calmly pushed by the wind. Kichirou looked up at the young man with purple eyes and searched his face. He really didn’t recognize him.

“How come you know so much about this? Who are you?” Kichirou looked at the young man’s hands and noticed, bizarrely, that the red thread on his finger was also frayed and tattered, as if it had been burned.

Was everyone’s like that? He thought. He slyly glanced at the two nurses and noticed that their red threads were actually connected. One pinky connected to the other, tightly wrapped around each other. Ah. These two were meant for each other. Beside Kichirou, Jun’s hands tightened into fists, wondering how he was supposed to answer. He knew that when someone had amnesia, you were not suppose to bring up the past unless they remembered it themselves. So how was he to answer? With the truth? With a lie?

“I’m…” Jun whispered, looking up, ready to tell the truth. The door opened and another person stepped through into the room.

“He’s the one who saved you.”

“Ren!” Kichirou exclaimed happily. He remembered him.

“Hey, Kichi.” Ren whispered, glancing at Jun whose head was hanging and his fists clenched tightly.

“He saved me?” Kichirou asked with a head tilt.

“He held pressure onto your heart until the paramedics could arrive.” Kichirou’s eyes widened and he looked over at Jun. A small smile played on his lips until it reached his eyes, brightening his entire face.

“Oh, thank you for that.”

Jun was stunned by the bright smile. It had been four months since he had seen anything from Kichirou, all he was able to do during that time was watch him breathe.

“You’re…welcome…” Jun whispered.

Ren watched this exchange with a heavy heart. He noticed the tears in Jun’s eyes and sighed.

“Jun, can I talk to you?”

“Yeah.” The two walked out into the hallway just as the doctor walked in. He went over immediately to Kichirou and started to check him out. His face excited. Jun and Ren watched this exchange for a while before they turned toward each other.

“It might be best if you left Kichirou get used to you slowly.” Ren whispered, stating the truth.

“I knew the doctor said something like this may happen,” Jun whispered, “but I didn’t believe him.”

“Well, it did happen.” Ren sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Let him find his way. It was a traumatic experience for both of you.” Jun’s eyes began to sparkle with unshed tears.

“All I could think of,” Jun whispered, staring at his hands, remembering the blood that had coated them. “was that I’d rather be the one to die than him. I wanted his blood to stay where it was. If only he was alive, I didn’t care if that meant trading my life.” Jun looked up, away from the past and into Ren’s eyes. “I never thought that for him to live, I’d have to trade all of my existence for it.”

Ren reached out a hand and patted Jun on the shoulder. “He will remember, Jun. Stay positive.”

“I’ll try.” He smiled sadly, then looked back into the room at Kichirou sitting on the bed with the doctor checking him over. When Kichirou gave a small smile to the doctor, telling him he was fine, it shattered Jun’s heart even more. “What are we going to do about my stuff at our place?”

“I’ll take him home with me. Hopefully it won’t be too long before he regains his memory.”

“I’m…going to go home.” Jun looked at his feet, his fist tightening and releasing spasmodically. His eyes looked up, and they were dull, without that spark that was once there. “Take care of him, Ren.”

Ren didn’t notice, but this statement was more than it seemed. He still answered with a smile, saying he would. And as he watched Jun walk away, he didn’t know that Jun planned to disappear entirely. Maybe this would keep Kichirou safe.

~~~

Two days later, Jun still hadn’t returned to visit Kichirou again. Ren was sitting in the chair that Jun had vacated. Kichirou was staring off to his right, a book in his hands and a confused expression on his face.

“Hey Ren?”

“Hmm?”

“Did someone often stand to my right?” Kichirou asked Ren looking off into the distance. It felt bare and lonely to his left. “I catch myself looking.” Kichirou whispered, reaching out his hand and touching the frayed red string attached to his pinky. “I’m always looking to my right unconsciously, but no one is ever there.” When Kichirou looked up at Ren, tears were misting his eyelashes. “It’s like there’s a phantom standing there.”

Ren had no idea how to respond. He glanced away, his heart stuttering.

Later that night, as Kichirou watched the sunset, the sky lit with a purple haze. This purple haze glittered and sparkled. This color hit Kichirou’s heart and he grabbed his chest as if in pain. Watching the sunset, Kichirou’s mind turned.

Slowly, through the entire night, Kichirou stared out the window, watching the sky with blank eyes. He remembered. Laughter. Smiles. Hatred. Jealousy. Heats. Slowly, he remembered all of it. And at last, he remembered Jun. He thought of the feelings, the love.

“Jun.” He whispered. Where was he? He needed him. Kichirou felt his heart beat fast, and he knew, that his heat was coursing through his veins just thinking about Jun. He needed him.

The monitors beside him went off. All of them blaring loudly. A nurse ran in but Kichirou was oblivious. There, off into the distance, Kichirou felt that Jun was far away. Too far away to ever reach. Why hadn’t he visited? Where was he?

The next day Kichirou got his answer from Ren, who was ecstatic Kichirou had regained his memories. But, Kichirou was heartbroken upon hearing the news about Jun. It seemed he had disappeared. He had cleared out their apartment. He had even left school. Where was he?

By the time Kichirou realised it was Jun who was always beside him, he was stuck searching.

Always searching for something that was no longer there.

“Will you ever be beside me again?”