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Translated by Addis of Exiled Rebels Scanlations

Editor: Sulo 

 

Augusta had a strange dream. What’s more strange is that he knew that he was dreaming, because this kind of absurd situation could never appear in reality. 

He dreamed that he was standing on a cliff with a huge full moon hanging in the sky, as if within reach. Kyfayar squatted naked on the edge of the cliff, gazing at the moon in a trance as if feeling a mysterious experience of unity between man and nature.

“Kyfayar!” cried Augusta.

The young werewolf jumped up in surprise, “Lord Augusta!” He was facing the magician, and the thing between his legs was dangling with his movements. Augusta looked away in embarrassment.

“Would you like to feel the magic of the moon with me?” Kyfayar asked enthusiastically.

“Moon? What the hell?”

Augusta looked down and found that he had nothing on!

Calm down. Calm down. It’s a dream. He told himself. Everything in the dream is not true, there is nothing to be afraid of. I will wake up after a while.

Kyfayar ran over and hugged Augusta.

“What are you doing?! Let go! Let go of me!” The magician struggled, but he was no match for the powerful werewolf. He wanted to use a spell to stop Kyfayar’s wanton behavior, but at this moment, he couldn’t even remember the pronunciation of the spell.

“Please close your eyes, forget yourself, bathe in the moonlight, and feel the attraction of celestial bodies, so that you can reach the realm of our people!”

Who wants to reach the realm of your people?!

Kyfayar craned his neck and let out a long howl to the moon.

Ding — ding——

Augusta jumped out of bed.

Outside the window, it was already daylight. The doorbell kept ringing, waking him from his strange dream. Augusta felt his body. Fortunately, his clothes were still on. He was in a cold sweat and his pajamas were soaked. He had to thank the person who rang the doorbell. If it wasn’t for them, the strange dream would have lasted for a long time.

He jumped out of bed, grabbed a coat and put it on. He ran downstairs, taking three steps at a time while shouting, “Wait a minute, I’m coming.”

Is Kyfayar back? Damn, why did he choose to come back early in the morning? If he was seen, there’s bound to be a strange rumor! That thought makes Augusta speechless!

He didn’t even have time to see who was outside from the peep hole. He opened the door and said, “Why are you…” His voice turned into a sharp “EEE ~” and disappeared in his throat.

Outside the door stood a policeman in uniform. Not far away, there was a police car in the garden of the mansion. The red and blue lights dazzled Augusta.

What’s going on? He thought in a panic. What I’ve been studying recently are mild and harmless spells, so they won’t attract the police, right? But even when I studied ancient black magic, the police didn’t come inquiring! What kind of wind is blowing today?

“Excuse me, are you Mr. Augusta Hollich, the great mage?” When the word ‘great mage’ was said, the policeman was obviously trying to control his laugh. Augusta did not know whether the other party had any opinion on the profession of a mage, or that the him in pajamas did not fit the image of the legendary great mage.

“…That’s right.”

“Do you know a young man, about six feet tall,” the policeman said, “with dyed grey hair, in his twenties, and not in a normal state of mind?”

Augusta was impressed. He recognized the ‘young man about six feet tall, in his twenties, with dyed gray hair’ part, but what was with the ‘abnormal mental state’?

“Er… Your description sounds a bit like my Kyfayar. What’s the matter with him?”

“He was running naked through the streets of the town this morning, and we’ve taken him to the police station to control him.”

Running naked?! Kyfayar, weren’t you going to get close to nature and feel the magic of the moon? Why were you running naked in town?!

Seeing Augusta’s face of disbelief, the policeman continued, “When he was arrested, he was so troubled that he couldn’t tell his name and address. Later, some enthusiastic residents provided clues that they had seen him appear in the town with ‘the great mage who lives on the hillside’. So I decided to come here and take a chance.”

“I think that’s Kyfayar. He’s my family. A distant relative who is mentally ill and came to the countryside to recuperate.”

The policeman nodded, and on his face seemed to be written, ‘I knew it, it must be true.’

“It’s very careless of you to let a mental patient go out alone.” He glared at Augusta in reproach.

I don’t want to go with him! Augusta scratched his ears and scratched his cheek. He didn’t know how to explain the difficult problem to the police. “Because he… He’s intermittent, and usually looks normal! He said he was going out for a walk, and I didn’t think much about it. I was negligent.” He made a look of bitterness and remorse.

“Mister, you should pay attention to him in the future! You are his guardian, and you are responsible for him.”

“I see! I promise it won’t happen again!”

“Running naked in public is illegal in this county, but for the sake of his mental illness, he will not be prosecuted. You can come with me and get him out of the station.”

“All right, all right.” Augusta said, “Please wait a moment. I’ll change.”

“Mn, I’ll wait for you in the car.”

The policeman returned to the police car. Augusta closed the door and roared in frustration.

“What’s the matter, Augusta?” The unicorn came from the kitchen. He must have come in again through the window. “I saw the police. Have they finally decided to carry out witch-hunting in the new century? “

“Kyfayar’s at the police station. I’m going to get him back!”

“Ha, I knew it! Werewolves are not good things. They will harm innocent people sooner or later. I didn’t expect that my prediction would come true so soon…”

Augusta ran back to his bedroom, took off his pajamas in a hurry, and put on a set of serious clothes. He combed his hair without even washing up. Then he went to Kyfayar’s room to find a set of clothes. He didn’t expect the police to be nice enough to provide a full outfit for streakers.

He went downstairs and went out. The policeman was sitting in the car and playing with his mobile phone. Augusta knocked on the window and the policeman opened the door for him.

“Modern communication is really developed,” said the policeman as he got into the passenger’s seat. “You see, after a while, the news of the ‘naked man’ has already appeared on Facebook.”

Augusta wanted to die.

It was about a fifteen minute drive from Augusta’s house to the Radier Police Station. Along the way, the policeman began teaching Augusta how to be a qualified guardian and how to treat mental patients correctly. For the first time in his life, Augusta realized what the theory of relativity was! When he finally arrived at the destination, the preaching of the policeman came to an end, and Augusta felt a sense of ‘being a man again’.

The law and order of Radier town was good, and there were rarely any major cases. At most, the arrested people were drunkards wandering on the street, burglars, and townspeople who fought over trivial matters. In this cozy town, the police had never arrested a ‘mentally ill streaking man’ in their lifetime. Of course, the criminals in the detention room had never met one either. 

So when Augusta walked into the small police station, what he saw was a group of ‘gangsters’ gathered in the detention room, pointing and whispering. Kyfayar was wrapped in a blanket, holding his head low in a corner of the detention room, surrounded by a gloomy atmosphere of despair, which made people dare not to approach.

A policewoman opened the door to the cell. Augusta stood at the door and called, “Kyfayar!”

Kyfayar’s body shook and he turned his head slowly. His face was dirty, stained with dust or dirt or both, and two streaks of tears hung under his eyes, “Lord Augusta?”

“Come out!” The policewoman said, “You can go home!”

With a whimper, Kyfayar pounced on Augusta and hugged him tightly. “You have come to save me, lord!” His blanket slipped because of the sudden movement. The people in the detention room uttered a disgusting sound of ‘vomiting’. The policewoman looked sympathetically at Augusta.

The magician hardened his head and patted Kyfayar on the head, “Will you put on your clothes first?”

“Okay…” Kyfayar sobbed.

Augusta picked up the blanket, draped it over Kyfayar, shoved the clothes he brought to the werewolf, and told him to go to the bathroom and get dressed. Kyfayar’s movements were quick, and he was dressed in less than three minutes. But the three minute wait for him was like hell on earth for Augusta. He was bathed in the attention of everyone in the police station, and his face was hot enough to fry eggs. The policewoman kindly asked him if he had had breakfast. After getting the negative answer, she generously offered him her own coffee and sandwich. Augusta said thanks, declined the sandwich, and drank only a little coffee. He wanted to dig a hole into hell and never come out.

Kyfayar got dressed and walked out of the bathroom. He looked as if his soul was no longer in his body. Of course, in other people’s eyes, this kind of silly performance was the ‘mental patient’ identity.

The policeman who brought Augusta to the station suggested, “I’ll take you back.” 

“No, no, we can go back by ourselves.”

“Don’t mention it. It’s not much time.”

Augusta couldn’t change the man’s mind so he got into the police car with Kyfayar. The policeman was very considerate and took a sparsely populated road, otherwise, they would be surrounded by people.

On the way back, the policeman did not carry out a long sermon, perhaps for fear of stimulating the ‘mental patient’. The three people in the car were silent, and the atmosphere was extremely embarrassing.

Finally back to the house on the hillside, Augusta and Kyfayar got out of the car, said goodbye to the policeman and waved him away. After the police car disappeared down the winding road in the forest, they entered the house. As soon as the door closed, Augusta turned to the werewolf, and unleashed his anger.

“What’s the matter with you?” He pointed to Kyfayar’s nose and growled, “Didn’t you say you were going to spend the full moon in the forest? Why run naked into town?”

Kyfayar hung his head and flattened his mouth, “I don’t know. I… When I changed, I was not conscious. When I woke up, I found that I was already in town. I wanted to find a place to hide, but the police immediately appeared…” He cried. “I didn’t mean it, Lord Augusta. It’s never happened before…”

“You have made me lose my face! Ah, ah, ah, I should have expected it! I shouldn’t have let you do the forest adventure!”

“I’m sorry, sir! My fault! You can punish me as much as you want!”

“Punish you! If I punish you, can you make it right? I can’t brainwash the whole town and make them forget what happened!”

“I’m really sorry!”

“No thanks to you, I have always been a law-abiding person. For the first time in my life, I took a police car and entered a police station! What a shame! I wish I could die!”

“No! My Lord!” Kyfayar knelt down and hugged Augusta’s leg. “Don’t worry! I was wrong! It’s my fault! You can beat me and scold me, or you can drive me away, but don’t be too hard on yourself!”

“Let me go!” Augusta kicked out at the werewolf. “Get in the basement and think about it! Don’t come out without my permission!”

“Yes, sir!” Kyfayar crawled off toward the basement.

From the kitchen came the lazy voice of the unicorn, “Are you back, Augusta? I’m hungry.”

“Damn it! Eat your own grass!” Augusta was furious.

After a while, he remembered that he had not had breakfast.

“Kyfayar! Get out of the basement and cook for me!”

===================

Excerpts from County Daily News

Wolf howls heard in the forest as experts rush to the scene; wild animal appears and police remind to be on guard. 

Recently, many residents reported to the police that bursts of wolf howling have been coming from the nearby forest. Police and wildlife experts rushed to the scene and found feces of a suspected wolf and suspicious footprints in the forest. Experts said that in recent years, local environmental protection measures have been effective, attracting a large number of wild animals, such as migratory birds, but they have never seen wolves. Police remind residents: pay attention to dangerous wildlife.

Naked Psychopath Seen Running on the Streets.

Yesterday, a man in the town of Radier streaked naked on the streets and was soon under police control. The man was very emotional and his mental state was extremely abnormal. After the enthusiastic residents provided clues, the police found the man’s family. It turns out that the man, unfortunately, suffers from intermittent schizophrenia.

Crop Circles Found in Radier? 

 

A local resident was surprised to find a strange pattern in the shape of male genitalia on an open grassland outside Radier when browsing Google live map. Is this a bad joke of nature or another masterpiece of a ‘crop circle artist’?

 

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8 Comments
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Aleckincaid
December 28, 2020 7:59 pm

😂😂😂omg the news crop 🙈🙈🙈

Karai
December 28, 2020 10:14 pm

Yup, now Augusta will have to do something about Kyfayar’s “monthly problem” next month or this might happen again. And yeah, the crop pattern creation was Augusta’s idea, but I don’t know about the shape of it. The unicorn sure is either creative or just mean.

Thank you for the chapter!!!

Anna
January 20, 2021 6:50 am

Ahhahha those news are totally capable of screwing up Augusta’s life 😂

KMJ
KMJ
January 24, 2021 5:32 pm

Crop circles….LMAO!!!!

WangXian31
March 31, 2021 1:21 pm

Oh that artistic eating Unicorn 😆 Brilliant! Augusta’s life just became exceedingly, problematically, interesting 😁
Thank you for translating, this is SO entertaining.

WangXian31
March 31, 2021 1:23 pm

Maybe the crop pattern is what our haughty Unicorn really thinks of humans 🤔🙄🤭

Hymki
April 2, 2021 5:07 am

The news articles though pfft.

Jaymee
Jaymee
April 5, 2021 6:25 am

LOL. The news made me laugh so hard. Hahahahahahaha.

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