My Hemophobic Vampire Chapter 53: Lactose Intolerance Can Cause Diarrhea

Translated by Addis of Exiled Rebels Scanlations

Editor: KarateChopMonkey

 

“…So you’ve thought this far ahead?” The vampire, who had never thought about these issues, blinked his eyes and suddenly fell into deep thought. “He knew my identity from the beginning, as for other things, I have never thought about it, our life so far is very harmonious—”

“Sooner or later there will be disharmony… For example, sometimes I can’t help myself, so I sneak in some rodents. How do you think I can explain to him if he sees me?” Jii DuoBao shook his head worriedly, sighed painfully, and habitually raised his hand to scratch his head a few times, “I often worry about this, and have lost a lot of hair. Every day, I am afraid that it will block the bathroom drain…”

“So this is what you’re afraid of?” Forced to give up the idea of asking JiaLun, the pure-blood king who owned a villa blinked and still thoughtfully didn’t say much, but just patted his shoulder sympathetically. “I really don’t have any valid advice for you – but I think, if it really comes down to it, at least it’s better to come clean than to hide, don’t you think so?”

“You make a good point. You are both good people, and you are much more likeable than others of your kind.” The hybrid Tibetan fox nodded seriously, sincerely placed a good guy card on the vampire, and made an inviting gesture with one hand, “Please get in the car, we’re leaving now, Hai DiLao is too anxious to wait.”

It was just getting dark, and it was evening rush hour. As soon as the car turned onto the main road, they were blocked, three monsters with their own thoughts who couldn’t take the initiative to reveal themselves, and it was hard to accompany the only human on the blocked road for more than an hour. They finally managed to reach two streets away from the Phoenix Hot Pot City.

“Come on, come on, the journey was hard. Let’s all go to the room to sit, I’ll pour you drinks too!”

It was rare to have a human who knew their identities and didn’t act surprised, so the little phoenix was simply too excited. The little phoenix was so excited that he pulled him along and chatted all the way, and even poured a drink and dragged Shang HaoJia out the door without being told.

Hai DiLao had been known for his attentive service, and this one was certainly no exception. The waiters in different shapes and sizes wearing uniforms, were deftly shuttling between the tables, dutifully busy with their duties. Hai DiLao proudly whistled, took out two cups and handed them to the human doctor, “How is it? Are all my sales clerks exceptionally well-trained?”

“Yes, they are very good, and all have a lot of personality…” He took the cool towel from the only waiter who looked normal. Doctor Shang, who had an air conditioner with him, said thank you, wiped the non-existent sweat from his face, and put the towel aside.

“That certainly has a personality – the one who just gave you a towel is a swallow, the one with half white and half black hair is a magpie, and the one with pink hair is a flamingo. The one over there wearing a hat is the chicken. A few of them are brothers, and the chicken really can’t hide its crown, and can only wear a top hat to cover it…”

“…It seems that you have really used the hundred birds to the phoenix very thoroughly.” Looking at the room of service birds, Shang HaoJia nodded with respect and went over to receive two cups of lime juice, “So – they don’t need to be paid?”

“Of course, they all come to work voluntarily! Anyway, if I’ll just go outside for a couple of rounds, I’m sure I can recruit anyone.” The little phoenix nodded without hesitation, and peered at the ice machine, and waved his arm, and a gush of cold air with ice crystals poured in. “This store is basically a zero-cost operation, except for the rent. It’s all top quality fresh ingredients, all the eagles go out every day before dawn and shoot them back, the magpies are in charge of transport, the roosters are in charge of accounting, I’m in charge of adding cold air to the ice machine and fire to the hot pot – we use proper Nirvana true fire in this store, everything cooked is as good as Nirvana!”

“That’s really a very special kind of delicious…”

Almost impressed by this sincere advertising slogan, Doctor Shang heartily sighed and was about to return with his drink when his pocket suddenly moved a few times.

Only when he lowered his head, a small head poked out. Looking around excitedly, his eyes suddenly lit up: “Brother, look, there is a lot of good food!”

“Oh my God, a dragon! By the sudden appearance of the little guy, the little phoenix jumped backwards, a splendid feather exploded on his head, as he seemed thoroughly scared, “He-he-he called you brother! You are not a human being either!”

“No, it’s not me he’s calling…”

Shang HaoJia smiled helplessly and gently touched Xian Bei’s dragon horns before he was about to explain, when Xian Bao, who had heard his brother’s greeting, emerged from his other pocket, “Where? Where is the good food?!”

“OMG two dragons ah ah!!!” The little phoenix sounded another octave higher and dropped a feather in fear. Fluttered his arms twice, shivering and jumped to the counter, hiding behind an iron rooster, “You-you-you tell them not to eat me! Al-al-although I feel as if they can not eat me for the time being…”

“Don’t worry, they are both very well behaved and will not eat anything indiscriminately.”

Surprised at the fallen-haired phoenix that was less than a chicken, Shang HaoJia waved towards him, patted the two little dragons soothingly, and couldn’t help but look up curiously, “Do dragons still eat phoenixes? I always thought it was the dragon and the phoenix…”

“The dragon will not eat the Chinese phoenix, but will eat foreign – my father was eaten by a dragon once. It was a pain in the ass to escape later and had to wait to get out of his belly in some form before he could regain his nirvana…”

Hai DiLao poked his head in and looked around, confirming that Shang HaoJia didn’t have any features belonging to a dragon on his body before he carefully moved back, “You’re really not a dragon, are you? I… I tell you, I’m not afraid of you at all, my Nirvana true fire can be powerful!”

“I know, it can also be used to cook hot pot, especially practical.”

Rubbing the little phoenix’s head soothingly, the human doctor’s eyes held patient laughter, and coughed lightly in a serious manner. “I’m a breeder for both of them – I actually have a little Taotie at home, and if I had known you would be treating me today, I would have brought him out.”

“No, no, no – forget about the Taotie. My brother opened a small hot pot buffet before, which was collapsed by a Taotie.” Little Phoenix shook his head, and looked at the two small dragons, eyes suddenly filled with some envy, “Good, you guys are so young to find a breeder. I also want to find a breeder, so I don’t have to work hard to open a store to earn money to buy bamboo and spring water…”

“How sad. Is that all you eat?” Xian Bao was so bold that he swam out of Brother doctor’s pocket and flew around him curiously.

Hai DiLao was too frightened to move, his body stood straight, as his eyes alertly followed the little dragon around, “Yes, we phoenixes can ‘only perch a sycamore tree, only eat lian shi ¹, and only drink spring water’. But the bamboo fruit is too difficult to buy, sweet spring water is now less and less, if I drink ordinary mineral water, I will have water sugar intolerance…”

“What is water sugar again…”

Doctor Shang couldn’t help but rub the corner of his forehead, whispered spitting the moniker of the Phoenix clan, beckoned Xian Bao to fly back into his pocket, “Let me ask one more question, you can eat so little, but you actually came to open a hot pot restaurant, is it for self-abuse?”

“No –let me tell you a secret, but you must not tell other phoenixes…” Hai DiLao’s eyes turned and after a wary glance in all directions, he came up to him and mysteriously lowered his voice. “In fact, we ourselves will also secretly eat large and sumptuous meals, we just do not dare to call the elders lest they find out, and are also afraid that after humans know, it will damage our glorious image – each phoenix in the birth of a small red dot on the palm of the hand, called ‘guard mouth sand’. Once you eat something bought outside, it will be immediately detected by the monitoring phoenix. But my own store will not have this problem, although eating it will cause diarrhea, but I’m still much happier than my peers…”

“Then your phoenix clan is really a very miserable life – and you are actually immortal. Generations actually can’t enjoy the food as they wish… just thinking about it makes one feel terrible.” The sympathy for the phoenix tribe was growing day by day, and Doctor Shang patted the little phoenix’s shoulder with deep feeling, as he nodded seriously holding his chin, “If I’m right, even the bed you sleep on, probably also sycamore wood, right?”

 

“How can a phoenix sleep on a bed?! The elders of our clan have said that a noble and sacred phoenix is not allowed to sleep on a bed. We either have to sleep standing directly on the branch of a sycamore tree, or we have to build a nest, and the nest has to be in a tree – I only get to not have to follow these rules when I sneak away to my dad’s place for vacation every year.” Finally found someone who could empathize with him, the little phoenix was moved to tears and took hold of his hands and shook them twice as hard as he could. “You are really a good person who can understand our pain – I want to end my phoenix life to start over, but on second thought, what’s the point? Anyway, I’ll still be a phoenix all over again…”