Chapter 10: Exams; I hate people
Translated by Yu of Exiled Rebels Scanlations
When preparing for exams, Xie King did not accompany Xie Guanze to work, but stayed at home to crazily look over textbooks and memorize questions. When he encountered a question he did not recognize, he would use the “Step-by-step point and listen device” that Xie Guanze bought; he would point at whatever he did not know, just like a student who is diligently preparing for exams.
When the beginning of May rolled around, he experienced a month of exam preparation, Xie king showed up to the first driving test for pets on time, after sending Xie King to the written portion of the exam, Xie King was like an old father waiting for his daughter’s Gaokao results, sitting outside and chatting with the other “parents.”
In the crowd, he met his local tycoon roommate, the “Young Jun.”
Young Jun’s original name is Cao Jun, he accompanied his pet pig for the driving test.
“Pet pig, your mini pig?”
Xie Guanze remembered that Cao Jun raised a mini pig when he’d just graduated, and he would often show it off in group chats. It’s a spotted pig, it was pretty cute when it was young.
People made back then, saying how there are no pigs that don’t grow up, Cao Jun refused to believe it, he even bet on a hotpot meal. Regrettably, reality made Cao Jun lose.
Not even one year passed, and the super cute mini pig grew into a fat pig. As he grew used to lying in Cao Jun’s embrace, while sharing the same sofa and the same bed, the fat pig squished Cao Jun so much that he was barely able to breathe. At last, he had no choice but to send it to grandma’s house in the countryside.
“Didn’t you send it away already?”
“Don’t bring it up. Do you still remember the ‘double yolk’ event that happened on April 1st? On the 3rd, Hua Hua had come by itself, incoming like the weight of Mount Tai; I was almost crushed to death right then and there!” Even just mentioning the incident made Cao Jun want to cry, “It was already 109 jin when I sent it away, when it came back it was a burly chap that was 190 cm tall! 190 cm tall and more than 200 jin!”
Xie Guanze tried to picture that. He patted his roommate’s shoulder in sympathy.
Cao Jun was the definition of a wealthy idler. Besides collecting rent, his only hobby was to play games all day. Staying at home all day made his body weak. He wasn’t tall either, only 175cm, when this weak-bodied male met the 190 cm tall, strong lad; he was crushed to the point where he could not move at all.
Cao Jun was full of grief and indignation: “I thought I had encountered a catastrophe……”
Xie Guanze said with sympathy: “You should start exercising, what if one day you actually meet that type of fate.”
“I already purchased a gym membership. I am afraid that I will be crushed one day if I do not exercise.” Cao Jun looked up to the sky in sadness. This is the result of worshipping his mini pig. Hua Hua still likes throwing himself on people, it’s cute when one is a mini pig, but when one is a burly chap, it is considered murder.
Cao Jun’s complaint resonated with the surrounding pet owners.
“Don’t bring it up, my alpaca is like that as well. It was so cute when it was small, so I hugged it in many different ways, but now it is big and still wants my hugs. It really wants to kill me!”
“The tiger I raised loves clinging to people, when I bring it outside it scares customers easily.”
“When you bring it in its original shape?”
“No, its human shape. But the customers also bought their pets, they are a bit sensitive and get really scared when they see her.”
Through the lively discussion, the bell signalling the end of exams rang, the owners started boiling and running towards their own pets, this scene looked even more like parents picking up their children.
“It’s finished, it’s finished!”
“I want to go look for my Hua Hua!” Cao Jun hastily waved towards Xie Guanze, “The next time we all meet, let’s bring pets and eat together!”
Xie Guanze saw Cao Jun running towards a 190cm tall round male. The male hugged Cao Jun in excitement, his plump flesh squished Cao Jun to his chest, making him even more small and weak.
Xie Guanze showed a face of sympathy. He could imagine how much Cao Jun is struggling to breathe right now, so much that he’s almost suffocating.
Xie Guanze was hastily trying to find Xie King in the crowd. He quickly saw someone with all white hair sporting a Scene haircut, his hairstyle standing out in the crowd.
As Xie Guanze saw the hair crown that was standing up straight, he knew that Xie King was angry.
King was angry again and he didn’t know if it was because he did not do well on the exam.
When he walked in front of Xie King, he offered a bottle of water and tried to use a gentle tone while asking: “King, how did the exam go?”
From the start Xie King was full of fire: “Bah! A black cat was sitting beside me, he kept on staring at me and drooling!”
The seating was not that great, affecting his emotions.
Xie Guanze could only try to console him: “It’s okay, if you didn’t do well this time, there’s always next time.”
“Who said I didn’t do good this time?” Xie King proudly raised his head, “Humph, I did really well, but I can’t say the same thing for the black cat, she was only focused on drooling. I don’t think she even finished her test paper.”
“I must do very well, and make the stinky cat angry!”
Xie Guanze let out his breath: “That’s good, let’s go eat first, and complete the practical portion in the afternoon.”
In consideration that the pets did not even go to school, the driving exam and the traffic rules were much easier compared to the human exam. It was possible to finish both exams and get the license on the same day.
The owners can watch the afternoon practical exam from outside. The animals who could walk were tested separately from those who could fly, and the requirements for driving on the ground and flying in the sky were different as well.
Xie Guanze raised his head, laboriously trying to find the white parrot in the sky.
Out of all the animals that could fly, there were actually not many parrots, and they were covered by large and small colourful feathers. Xie Guanze thought his parrot was really something else, and got better-looking the more he looked.
The examiner blew on his whistle. The flying animals all flew at once from the starting line, at this time they will encounter various obstacles and signs. It required the flying animals to make the correct decision according to the signs, the examiners will then judge at the same time.
“Flying is prohibited in smog, number one is incorrect, number four is incorrect, number nine is incorrect……”
“Flying is prohibited on cloudy days, number seven is incorrect, number eleven is incorrect, number twenty-nine is incorrect……”
“Flying is prohibited near important monuments, number twenty-eight is incorrect, number ninety-three is incorrect……”
“A drone just passed by, number two crashed, number eighteen crashed……”
“A parabolic object is coming from above, number thirteen got in an accident, number eight got in an accident, number nine got in an accident……”
As Xie Guanze listened to the examiner continuously giving out results, he saw that the flying animals started to become obviously flustered. His heart also started to tighten along with them.
The flying track was originally a blank space. Every few paces, the originally blank space showed road lights and different symbols. Special occurrences, such as smog or fog, that prohibits flying, were all restricted in consideration of the pet’s safety.
Then, they will enter a cluster of buildings. Some buildings had a ‘Flying is prohibited’ sign on them. The flying animals must go around those signs, this is in consideration for the real-life events in the future.
The flying pets now had IQ, and could communicate with humans. If they saw something that they shouldn’t have, they would spread it around. For some important businesses, it counted as spilling secrets, and for individuals, it counted as invasion of privacy.
After the cluster of buildings, it was the ‘unexpected visitors’ from the sky, such as drones, parabolic objects, wild birds, etc.
There were electronic eyes and aerial cameras installed in the sky that tracked any motion, and around ten examiners were standing in front of the monitors inspecting everything. Following the crowd was useless, because judgements given by the examiners were instantaneous. The hesitations and mistakes you made in front of the crowd were seen by everyone.
Xie King’s examination number was nine. He had an anxious attitude, he was wrong in the first smog test, and so had points deducted. Then, he was struck squarely by a parabolic object. When Xie Guanze heard “Number nine got in an accident”, he was so scared that he wanted to yell ‘stop’ and tell Xie King to not take the test anymore.
The staff that was in charge of maintaining discipline in the exam room hurriedly explained, the parabolic object is mimicked using light sources. If the light shines on the flying animals it means that they were struck, it does not mean that they were actually hit. The drones are also like this, or else after the exams are over, the flying pets would be covered in bruises, and the weaker pets might have died on site.
Xie Guanze had to say, although the owners that originally thought the practical applications were easy, were only onlookers, they could still experience the many trials the pets did when they were introduced in society. Compared to the wild animals that were raised naturally, the pets have lost parts of their wild nature, and as they have also lost their vigilance towards nature, many didn’t even recognize when they were faced with danger.
But, human society also has threats that are much scarier than nature. The pets that are treasures in the eyes of their owners will not get the same treatment in the eyes of others.
When the practical application exam was over, Xie Guanze realized that his back was covered in cold sweat. He was really scared.
Xie King flew out in his original form. After the exam was over, the driver’s license was given onsite.
Xie Guanze had some lingering fear as he held onto his parrot, and only after hugging him a long time was he able to calm his nerves.
“Hey, I’m fine, it’s just an exam.” King used a comforting tone with a contended air, his little dark eyes showed how proud he was: I didn’t know that my owner liked me that much, he’s already missing me even though I only left for such a short time~
Xie Guanze held onto Xie King, his tone was strict and serious: “King, you must read more when you go home, study more about the rules. I don’t want to see you die one day because you read the signs wrong.”
When he heard that he must study, Xie King was furious: “I was just nervous, not because I don’t recognize them!”
Xie Guanze threatened coldly: “If you die one day, I will roast your corpse and feed it to the cats!”
Xie King: “You!”
What’s even more annoying than studying, was the fact that the drivers license delivered by the employee was not the one Xie King wanted.
“Congratulations, sir, you received the C license.”
Xie King was so angry that his crown stood up tall: “C license, why C! I can’t bring people?!”
The employee smiled as he thought that the parrot was cute like this: “Sorry, your strength is not enough, you can’t bring people~”
The licenses were split into three levels: A license can bring two to three people, B license can bring a single person, C can only fly by themselves.
“It’s okay, it’s okay, you can still practice.”
It didn’t matter how comforting Xie Guanze was, Xie King was still very angry, so angry that his mouth kept on muttering things.
The employee comforted: “There is only one pet that got the A license this time, three got the B license, majority got C, you don’t have to blame yourself.”
But it was useless, Xie King became even more angry: “I am the king, I should be the best!”
The employee: “Uh……”
You’re only a bird, how are you like a king? There were tigers -amongst the pets – the real king of the animals.
Speaking of the devil, Xie Guanze happened to see a yellow spotted tiger walking towards them with frustration. Its owner was the lady who was gossiping about how her tiger kept scaring away her customer’s pets.
License A, B, and C have different coloured envelopes; license A is red, license B is black and license C is blue. As soon as Xie Guanze saw the lady holding a blue license in her hands, he understood that the tiger’s exam result was also not ideal.
“Look, even the tiger received license C.”
“It’s not because I don’t have enough strength, it’s because I have too much strength and I am too fast so I will easily throw people off.” The tiger keenly heard the conversation. He held up his chin and posed with the arrogance of the king of the animals, “I am different from you guys.”
Xie King said with disdain: “Overall, it’s because you’re too reckless.”
The tiger ground its teeth: “Owner, I want to eat roasted parrots.”
The Xie King from before would have been scared and hid behind his owner, but now, after he experienced the thunderstorms of socialism, Xie King was not scared of anything~
He calmly said: “The newest pet law says, pets are not allowed to kill each other, fighting without a reason is prohibited, threatening each other is prohibited, or else the owners will also be sent to a special court to be condemned together with their pet.”
This is what he gets for insisting on watching the news everyday~
“Look, this is the power of studying, studying will make you understand how to use the law as weapons to protect your own legal rights.” Xie Guanze spread his hands, “So, I bought you a new box of exam papers. You have to study more, you can’t relax!”
Xie King: ……
“I hate humans……”