Chapter 9: Driving Test
Translated by Crystal of Exiled Rebels Scanlations
The days after were calm, with someone making breakfast and walking to work with him; Xie GuanZe felt as if he really did gain a new family member, a brother maybe.
Since they had plenty of time in the mornings, Xie GuanZe would take Xie King to work on his rental bike. (bike share bike) As Xie King lived off the police cafeteria, he would ask the chef there for cooking tips. That greatly amused the chefs, so whenever King appeared, it would be all smiles. One could say he became sort of a fan favourite amongst the chefs.
Xie GuanZe was in a great mood because Friday came around and he could finally relax. He walked Xie King back from the police station and along the way, bought him all kinds of toys and snacks, as if a father walking around with his curious child.
Even with a tanghulu in one hand and bubble tea in another, Xie King was still looking at the BBQ fish shop when he walked by. With a glance, he caught hold of the news showing on TV, “Tsk, tsk, tsk, you humans are making a new drama this time called ‘The lingering love of human and pet’. Supposedly, it’s based on the porcupine lady who saved her master before.” (Similar to a candy apple, tanghulu is multiple fruits skewered on a stick and coated with sugar syrup. Chinese hawthorns are traditionally used, but other fruits can be used too, such as strawberries.. The drama’s name is based on a movie called ‘Ghost’ in English, but in Chinese it’s translated literally to ‘The unfinished love between human and ghost’)
Xie GuanZe looked over and saw it as well. The script was already finished, currently they were casting for the main leads. Supposedly, it was to become next year’s biggest tear-jerker.
He turned to make a quick, unsuspected glance at Xie King. Expectedly, the no-name hero was quite displeased at being ignored once again.
The police had rewarded him with money and a pennant, and explained to him why he wasn’t exposed. After all, human trafficking was often done in groups with many members. They had gained important evidence from Zhang Tu and the others, so as to protect Xie King from danger, they didn’t expose him.
But, Xie King loved attention. So, when he saw that even the police dog had a part, he became visibly upset again.
“Someday, I’ll be a main character too!”
Xie GuanZe clapped, “Awesome! King’s ambitious! King is the best!”
Xie King looked at him weirdly, he felt as if he heard this before. He felt as if it was Xie GuanZe’s coworker, who recently became a father, talking to his daughter…
“Baby, you’re amazing! Baby, you’re the cutest!”
Xie King, “… I’m five, I’m not a kid anymore.”
Xie GuanZe just laughed, “Yes, yes, yes, you’re five.”
Xie King narrowed his eyes dangerously. He felt as if he was still being looked down upon.
The unpleasant feeling stayed, even seeing blockage on the roads didn’t help.
Feeling a bit tired from all the walking, Xie GuanZe made a casual remark, “King, if only you were a condor. We could be the Condor Heroes.” (The literal translation of this TV show is ‘The divine eagle and the heroic couple’)
Xie King just chuckled and mocked him, “The Condor and the single man.”
Pff, a partner? From a single man?
Although he said that, a moment later, Xie King suddenly became a bird and with his bird claws, attempted to drag Xie GuanZe upwards.
Even though King was a strong parrot and had a big build, it was implausible for him to carry a grown man into the sky. He did, however, manage to get his feet off the ground.
Although, that also meant his collar was choking him.
“Ah———what are you doing——“
Xie King chirped back, “Didn’t you want to fly? I’m taking you flying!”
With great difficulty, Xie GuanZe looked up and found Xie King’s parrot form had gotten larger. Even his claws became thicker. His strength had also improved, could it be the result of his previous transformation into a human?
Just as he was thinking, he was pulled up by his collar, Xie King flapped his wings tediously. He couldn’t help but mock him, “You couch potato! How fat are you?”
“You’re just weak.”
“You’re too fat!”
“Get down!” Suddenly interjected the police. He stared at Xie King and continued, “You don’t have a flying license. It’s illegal to fly!”
Xie GuanZe, “We’re not even in the sky!” He wasn’t flying with his feet just slightly off the ground. He wasn’t even as tall as a tree.
The police weren’t taking it and handed out a ticket, “Illegal flying, a fine of two hundred.”
Not only did they get fined, they had to be educated as well. Xie King and Xie GuanZe were pulled over to the side. There, the police had set up a station for people and pets like them.
When pets became refined, illegal ‘transports’ became all sorts of crazy.
Like right now, a horse was stopped. Speechless, the police told the man on the horse, “Sir, pets can’t go on the road.”
The man rubbed his chin and got off, then shouted, “Kuang Feng!”
The beautiful horse with a golden mane shook his head and became human. Of course, completely naked.
A woman walking by couldn’t help but shout, while taking a few sneak peeks, “Ahhh pervert!!”
“Pervert… ahh such a handsome pervert!”
Akhal-Teke, also known as Golden Horses, were well known in history for having a slender neck, long limbs, thin skin, fine fur, light steps, strength, speed, and endurance. Their reddish brown fur glistened under the light, as if a fine silk. When they ran, their sweat was a bloodish red, thus also known as ‘Blood Horses’.
(They are a Turkish breed, with golden variance and a metallic shine, thus Golden Horses in the West. In China, the red variance is known with the name ‘Sweat Blood Precious Horse’. Their skin is light/thin so their veins show through, causing the sweat to look like blood on red furred horses.)
For a horse, Akhal-Teke were a pure-breed royalty, a prince amongst horses, so even as a human, he was a handsome man with perfect muscles.
The reddish brown hair, the tanned skin, and the chest that moved up and down as his sweat drops rolled down caused bystanders to look, regardless of gender.
Seeing that it was about to cause a traffic jam, the police were totally speechless now.
“Please wear your clothes.”
Immediately, the man pulled out clothes for his horse to wear. Once the man got on the horse’s back again, he yelled in excitement, “Kuang Feng, go!”
The horse took off with the man on his back, as if he had wheels. But, it didn’t take long before they were stopped by a police officer.
The man wasn’t resigning himself this time and said, “Kuang Feng is in human form now. He isn’t taking up space, so you can’t discriminate.”
The police answered seriously, “You are over the speed limit, do you have a driver’s license?”
“Driver’s license?” The horse paused. The man glanced over and he quickly turned back to a horse.
The man, “Do horses need a license?”
The police just took out his ticket, “Speeding, a fine. Driving without a license, a fine.”
Xie GuanZe and Xie King witnessed the whole ‘accident’. As they all got pulled over to be educated, they looked at each other in sadness.
At the police station, there were a bunch of animals fined, amongst them a Great Pyrenees, an ostrich, a black bear and even a tiger.
“Come here and scan this QR code. Add the official account of the Ministry of Transport. Go study the new traffic laws and you’ll be on the road once you pass the driver’s test.”
The police pulled out a QR code for every human and pet, even helping them register an account.
Xie GuanZe read the documents out loud, “Pet Traffic Safety Act, Pet Driver’s License Registration and Test Regulations… Even pets have to take a driver’s test?”
“You’re correct, large pets take up too much space, but we won’t discriminate for who can be on the road, so we will set up a road made only for pets. But, once we have that, we would need pet traffic laws as well.”
The police especially warned them, “Birds are the same, there are rules about flying in the sky, as to prevent traffic accidents. Also, you can’t just poop everywhere, so please control your natural instincts.”
An owl asked him, “What if we can’t? We don’t have the muscled sphincter you humans have.”
Xie GuanZe looked over to see a pure white owl. He didn’t know the species but he felt as if it was bigger than all the other owls he had seen.
The police smiled back, “There’s a thing called bird diapers.”
“First is the written test, so please memorize the traffic laws. Second is a practical test. For fairness, your examiner and future policeman of the pet section will all be pets. We heard it’ll all be massive animals, so don’t think about cheating.”
“What if we don’t take the test?” Xie King, who didn’t like studying, said depressingly.
The police chuckled, “Then it’ll be like normal, be a pet at home and be a pet outside. In a cage or on a leash.”
The animals all shook their heads at that.
Once they had tasted freedom, there was no going back to leashes anymore.
No licenses meant he couldn’t fly freely and thus, regardless of Xie King’s will, he had to go on the painful road of studying.
But once he saw that the test was a few hundred questions long, he almost went nuts.
Xie King sadly looked up at the ceiling and said, “The TV used to say animals were monsters, so to become human, they needed to be struck by lightning (雷劫). I thought turning into a human in the modern world was simple- we didn’t have to be hit by lightning, but to think it turned into a test instead.”
Xie GuanZe said powerlessly, “I guess it’s the lightning of socialism.”