Translated by Addis of Exiled Rebels Scanlations
Since the unicorn came home, Kyfayar had another task besides taking care of Augusta’s daily life — feeding the unicorn. Although the unicorn could eat the grass on the hillside or the plants in the forest nearby, it was spoiled and had to eat fresh fruit and imported high-grade oats. Otherwise, it would sing a self-made aria, the theme of which was to lament that his life was abnormal and ill-fated, or deliberately play dead when Augusta needed him. Fortunately, there were two bags of oats at home, enough for the unicorn to eat for a few days, otherwise, he would disturb everyone.
Kyfayar got up early in the morning and took a bag of oats from the storage room to fill the stable trough. Now he had to fix the unicorn’s meals every day before he prepared breakfast for Lord Augusta. Did the unicorn realize that Augusta was the master?
He dragged the bag of oats across the living room to the front door. The living room was connected to the bathroom on the first floor. The werewolf’s keen hearing made him hear the sound of water coming from the bathroom. Was it Lord Augusta in the bath?
Strangely, he seldom chose the morning hours, and even if he wanted to take a bath, he would use the private bathroom upstairs. The bathroom downstairs was for guests, but the house was old, the pipes were old and at times the bathroom pipes didn’t give hot water. Maybe the bathroom upstairs was broken?
He went out and went round to the stable behind the house, and poured the oats into the trough. The stable was empty and the unicorn was not there. Kayfayar didn’t know where he went to play. Anyway, it was none of his business. He just needed to add enough food on time. It was not his fault if the unicorn didn’t want to eat.
He returned to the house, and still heard the sound of water running on the first floor. Kyfayar stared at the bathroom door and felt like a piece of honey was stuffed in his chest, attracting many ants, crawling up and down his heart, sweet and itchy.
Lord Augusta was taking a bath… Kyfayar’s mind conjured up a beautiful picture of water vapor: the magician was standing under the dense water, his wet brown hair was gently draped over his shoulders, and the water fell on his face. It travelled down his throat, passed his clavicle, over his thin body, and to another place with thick brown hair between his legs…
Kyfayar groaned and covered his mouth and nose. No way! No more thinking! If you think about it, you will have a nosebleed!
He held the bathroom door handle and the sweat from his hands kept him from turning the metal. He wanted to look at the scene of Augusta taking a bath, just one glance and one furtive look. He wouldn’t tell anyone, he just wanted to satisfy his secret desire. No one would ever know. Even if he was found out, he could falsely claim that he thought the toilet tap was broken, and he didn’t know that someone was there.
He turned the handle slowly and opened the door gently. Of course, he didn’t dare to open it fully. He only opened a slit, from which he could get a glimpse of the interior. He put his eyes on the crack of the door, and his face almost squeezed through the crack.
There was also a shower within the bathroom, separated from the outside by a sliding door. With the moving door firmly closed, Kyfayar naturally could not see any beautiful images but only a shadowy figure behind the steamy door.
He closed the door quietly and sighed in despair. How could he take a bath without closing the door? He thought so beautifully.
He was about to go to the kitchen to prepare breakfast when there was the sound of heavy, rapid steps on the stairs.
“Kyfayar! Are you bathing in the bathroom downstairs?” Augusta exclaimed, “How many times have I said there’s something wrong with the pipes in the house? When one bathroom is in use, the other doesn’t produce hot water so we have to stagger the time to take a bath! What are you — eh?”
Augusta ran down the stairs in his pajamas, stopped halfway, and looked at Kyfayar standing in the living room. The werewolf also stopped as he was going to the kitchen and looked at Augusta in surprise.
“You’re not taking a bath? Why isn’t the hot water coming out of the bathroom upstairs then? Did the broken pipe stop sending heat completely?”
“Wait! You… you’re not in the bath?” Kyfayar asked in a panic.
“No! How can I wash without hot water?”
“But in the bathroom on the first floor, ah? Who is the one who is bathing in it?”
Kyfayar stared warily at the bathroom door. There is a strange thief in the house! He yelled in his heart. And they’re using our shower! How could there be such a pervert?! I thought it was Lord Augusta! Humph! Don’t mention it! After catching the thief, I must make him turn black and blue!
After a while, the sound of the shower stopped and a hairdryer turned on in the bathroom. A few minutes later, the hair dryer stopped, the bathroom door opened, and a large amount of steam billowed out——
Kyfayar tightened his body and filled his limbs with strength, ready to take down this burglar.
——and the unicorn came out of the bathroom.
“Ah, werewolf, why are you looking at me with that bitter look?” The unicorn raised his head and asked strangely, “Is it because I occupied the bathroom and you needed to go? Well, this is not the only bathroom in the house. Can’t go upstairs? If you can’t go upstairs, go outside. It’ll just turn into fertilizer. Why, are you like a dog and can only go in the same place?” He shook his head as if ridiculing Kyfayar’s incompetence.
“Unicorn… You…” Kyfayar’s tongue knotted, “The one who just took a bath turned out to be… You…”
“Is there a fourth intelligent creature in this room who can switch on and off the hot water besides you, me and Augusta?”
Kyfayar remembered the shadow he had seen behind the sliding door. “You can be human?”
“Nonsense! I’m a unicorn, a noble magical creature! What’s so strange about being able to turn human?! You’re a little bit of a jerk.”
“Why don’t you stay in human form? Instead of as a… beast?”
“Because this is my original form! I think it’s natural and comfortable, isn’t it?” The unicorn was furious and seemed to think that Kyfayar had made an unreasonably stupid remark.
“Then why do you turn human when you take a bath?”
The unicorn was furious, “Because I don’t have hands, you idiot!”
“Ah! Right! What you said is reasonable…” The unicorn only had hooves and no fingers. Even if his hooves were flexible, he couldn’t hold the hairdryer. No wonder the unicorn had to be in human form.
“Besides, I do it for your own good.” The unicorn said haughtily, “I am a legendary magical creature. After becoming human, my posture is as beautiful, noble, and holy as ever. Even if you are reincarnated and reborn, you will be less than one-thousandth of me. If you see my posture as a man, you’ll feel ashamed and want to commit suicide. In order to avoid unnecessary death, I’d better not show my human form in front of others.”
“What? Have you been moved by my kindness and compassion?”
“No, I thought you unicorn people have unique rules. For example, if someone sees your human form, they must marry you. Otherwise, you will never find love in your life…”
“How can you swear?” Kyfayar was shocked. “How rude! Lord Augusta is still here!”
The unicorn glanced up at the magician on the stairs. “What are you afraid of? He’s not a three-year-old!”
After a pause, he suddenly remembered something, stepped back, and said with hostility, “Wait a minute! How did you know I have a human form? Were you peeping into my bath? Well, I knew you weren’t a good wolf! Pervert! Bestiality! Voyeurist!”
“No, no! I didn’t!” Kyfayar quickly denied as his face turned red. If the unicorn poked Kyfayar in the face with its sharp horn, it would have splashed blood. He wanted to peep at first, but that was only because he thought it was Lord Augusta! Now that the facts have been clarified that it was actually the unicorn in human form, it he should not be regarded as ‘peeping’, right?
“I, I, I…” He stammered, “I heard the sound of water in the bathroom and thought the water pipe burst — you know, there’s something wrong with the pipes in this house — so I went in and found someone was taking a bath and I immediately backed out…” The more he said, the less he saved himself, “Really, I thought it was Lord Augusta…”
“So it’s Augusta that you want to peep at?”
“No! Don’t talk nonsense!” Kyfayar yelled with a red face.
Augusta on the stairs rolled his eyes, “Ten thousand different words so early in the morning! Stop for a while! My home now has a unicorn, a werewolf, and an occasional visiting vampire. Humans account for only a quarter, and non-humans account for three quarters! Why is it like this?”
The unicorn turned to Augusta with a grim smile, “What? Is it disturbing to you that people who claim to be the rulers of the earth will one day become a minority?”
“This is my home! A human home! It’s not a magical creature farm!”
“Then I’ll teach you a way to separate everything in an instant. Do you want to learn it?”
“You want me to perform a separation spell?”
“Not that bad magic! I’ll teach you, you divide everyone into two groups, one is called ‘virgins’ and the other is ‘other creatures’. In this way, the number of the two groups will be even! Isn’t it wonderful? Alas, in order to save you, I will join you regardless of the past. How kind and compassionate I am as a unicorn. Have you been moved by me…”
If Kyfayar hadn’t stopped Augusta, he would have kicked the unicorn out of the door by kicking it in the hindquarters.