Chapter 5: The Parrot Works Magic in the Kitchen
Translated by Addis of Exiled Rebels Scanlations
“I want to learn how to cook.” Being humiliated, Xie King vowed to regain his dignity, “Especially barbecue, this King can’t be inferior to that cat.”
Xie Guanze opened his computer to search for a cooking video, “Okay, take a look at a tutorial.”
“Mn, I like him.” After browsing several tutorials, Xie King was finally captivated by a foreign chef. “This man looks like a parrot, an angry parrot.”
Xie Guanze looked at the chef’s angry face and sharp words, and then at Xie King, who was excited and had his hair up. At this moment, he felt the harmony of human beings and animals.
From this night onwards, Xie King was on the road to hell. At first, due to the nature of birds being afraid of fire, Xie King stood far away when pouring oil, saying that he didn’t want hot oil splashing on himself.
Then one day when Xie Guanze came home from work, he saw Xie King holding a metal mask. He was familiar with what it was.
Wasn’t that a mask used when welding?!
Xie Guanze felt bad. There was no area to weld near the community. “Where did you steal it from?”
“Steal? I didn’t steal it. I bought it. ” Xie King held the welding mask in one hand, a spatula in the other hand, and flipped something in the pan, “All the RMB you left for me were given to him.”
It sounded like he bullied his way in the deal. The other party didn’t agree and was probably forced to trade with Xie King without knowing it.
Xie Guanze: Okay, there is another thing to teach.
“Well, dinner is ready!” Xie King exclaimed excitedly, “Set the table quickly, the big meal I prepared for you is coming!”
Xie Guanze was also attracted by the word ‘big meal.’ After cleaning the table, he placed the rose flower arrangement collected by Xie King in the middle of the table, and then sat in his chair to wait for the big meal.
“Here!” With a white porcelain plate in one hand with a knife and fork on it, Xie King walked proudly to the table.
Xie Guanze sat on the chair, craned his neck and looked at the porcelain plate: Was this Western food? I’m looking forward to it!
When the white porcelain plate was put on the table, Xie Guanze’s expression collapsed.
“Look! Is it a surprise? Is it a surprise?” Xie King sat opposite, skillfully eating with a knife and fork in one hand.
Xie Guanze: ……
You shouldn’t boast at all. Are you sure this is for me?
The first big meal prepared by Xie King – fried cabbage worms.
Xie King was obviously very attentive in preparing this ‘big meal,’ which could be seen from the art of his plate setting. He put the fried cabbage worms into half a heart, and then spread the thick chili noodles and pepper powder carefully on the other half.
Xie Guanze: ……
But he still had no appetite.
“Where did you catch them?”
“Downstairs, there are several vegetable fields. The old man also praised me for helping him catch worms. I’m a good bird!”
Xie Guanze: Ha ha.
Xie King ate one fried cabbage worm at a time, and his face was full of happiness, “I’ve studied it, and human beings have a hundred insects, and I like eating insects, and everyone is happy!”
Xie Guanze sat and watched Xie King eat, “We don’t fry cabbage worms.”
Xie King took a fried cabbage worm, dipped it in the chili noodles and pepper powder, inhaled and boasted, “Delicious! Great! My skills are way better than that smelly cat! “
Xie Guanze: ……
In order for Xie King to avoid this kind of pain, which one can only see but not eat, Xie Guanze got up early the next day and made caterpillar bread with his own hands in the oven.
“You see, I like the taste of this bread. It’s called cabbage worm. You like it. Everyone is happy!”
“It’s better for me to eat oats or red beans directly,” sneered Xie King.
Xie Guanze broke open the bread and revealed the red bean stuffing inside. “There is red bean here.”
Xie King barely glanced at it, broke off a piece of bread, quickly scooped out the red bean stuffing with a spoon and ate, then threw the rest of the bread to Xie Guanze, “All the rest is yours.”
Xie Guanze looked at the unfurled caterpillar bread and sympathized with it.
His bread was ravaged. It was so cruel and he felt that he was cut open, his heart dug out, and his lungs punctured before he was left to die.
Birds had no sympathy when facing bugs.
During a weekend, Xie Guanze worked overtime, mainly to register the pet population in the urban area. By Monday, Xie Guanze had to go to the countryside for a census and visit the surrounding suburbs to register the pets one by one.
In 2022, the owners of all kinds of large pets in the city had to apply for a pet certificate. In addition to cats and dogs, this also included crocodiles and tortoises, which would affect the local ecology. A blue and gold macaw, a rare protected parrot, along with powerful and lethal raptors, leopards, tigers, etc.
In densely populated cities, pet certificates could effectively protect pets from being abandoned by their owners and taken over by the animal protection association. At the same time, they could also protect people and the environment from being injured and find the person in charge immediately. But in the countryside, most pets were kept in captivity. It was up to the owner’s discretion to vaccinate them regularly.
Most of them didn’t have pet licenses, but that didn’t mean that pets in the countryside didn’t transform into humans. This created more work for Xie Guanze, and he had to visit each house one by one.
Xie Guanze could only be thankful that of the six districts in Tianxuan city, he was only responsible for one district, which was normal land. There were a large number of aquatic pets near the river. They would go to the riverside to swim illegally every day after being converted into human beings, which caused the police station there to go to the riverside to catch people every day. It was more difficult than land bound pets.
“Thanks for coming. Come in.” Hou Fanghua, the sergeant of Xie Guanze, had just sorted out the newly registered pet, and informed him to hold a meeting in the conference room. “Sit down.” Hou Fanghua pinched his tired brow and said, “Now, we all know that pets became people. Now there are more and more contradictions, which need to be coordinated. We will set up a special group to coordinate the contradictions between people and pets.”
Hou Fanghua himself did not expect, near retirement, that he would get an unexpected new task, “I will be the lead. In order to understand the pet-people’s mentality, most of the human team members have a pet at home, and also pet doctors and instructors of the police dog team and so on. They have a regular training process over there, so they can better understand the pet’s character and mentality.”
Xie Guanze gave a thumbs up, “So advanced!”
Hou Fanghua smiled, “The superiors are still debating whether to open a pet school. After all, many pets are ignorant of society, do not understand the common sense of life, and are easily led astray. And human masters have limited time and energy, so it’s better to put them in school for education.”
Xie Guanze nodded repeatedly, “That’s a good idea. I want to send mine.”
Xie King was now addicted to cooking. The kitchen had become his private field. His care for kitchen utensils was like taking good care of his bird’s nest, they were polished everyday. He also learned to go shopping by himself, to distinguish between greenhouse vegetables and farmhouse vegetables.
What still couldn’t be changed was that he specially looked for vegetables with insects. Therefore, those farm vegetables that had been eaten by insects were planted in his own vegetable fields and were deeply loved by Xie King. He felt satisfied when he looked for insects.
Hou Fanghua knocked on the table, “Now it’s mainly about the funding. After all, the annual expenditure required for education by every state is a large amount. Plus the compulsory education in pet schools nationwide, it will be a huge price. But the pet schools have not been set up, it’s still in the future. The registration of household pets has been officially taken over by the human-pet relationship coordination group. Today, we begin to do the pet census in the countryside. Xie Guanze, Kong Qin, both of you can take your own pets with you. It will help lower the guard of the country pets and let you carry out your work more easily… “
With the encouragement of his sergeant, Xie Guanze called Xie King, who was studying cooking at home. “I’m going to the countryside on business. Do you want to come with me?”
“Suburbs, to register population.”
“The environment and air quality in the suburbs is good. There are many farmlands…” Xie Guanze felt a little guilty. He also planned to send Xie King to school after the pet school is set up, but he hadn’t told Xie King yet, and planned to take him out for a good and natural tour first.
Xie King was excited, “I’ll go!”
There were not enough plants in the city and few insects. There must be a lot of them in the countryside!
Kong Jue, the guppy in Kong Qin’s family, didn’t come. He preferred to be in the water. Kong Qin bought him a big bathtub to watch TV and play games in and he became a new era otaku man.
When Xie Guanze thought about the fish watching TV, he suddenly felt disillusioned. In the new era, even the beautiful male fish had become an in-house male fish. When Xie Guanze arrived, the three took the bus to the nearest suburb. Then they found the village committee to lead the way and went door-to-door to register all pets.
When the village head heard that it was the people sent from above, he felt very lucky to be rescued. “What’s the matter with God? They changed overnight. Nima, my son’s wolf dog, is a wolf! She howled all night after she became a human. She howled at all the wolves in the mountain. Then, she had a party in the yard and shared all the meat from the fridge. My son is too scared to go home at night… “
Xie Guanze and Kong Qin looked at each other and regarded the wolf as a wolf dog. It was great luck.
“Your son is lucky…”
The village head spat, “It’s my brother’s fault. He was a forest ranger on the mountain. The wolf cub he accidentally saved was given to my son, which turned out to be a wolf dog.”
“Did she hurt anyone?” When Kong Qin said this, he had taken out his mobile phone and was ready to call the police for help.
“No, Nima still knows to be good,” said the village head.
The village head had taken the three of them to the door of his son’s new house and knocked at the door. “Is anyone there?”
“No one.” A female voice inside replied.
Xie Guanze: ……
The village head was very angry and knocked the door, “Nima, open the door!”
Inside, Nima, the wolf, finally came out to open the door and saw Xie Guanze and his friends. She smiled and explained, “I’m not a person.”
Xie Guanze made a special inspection. The room was empty, there were no other wolves.
Nima saw his line of sight, “They come at night, and they are frightened by humans in the daytime.”
The village head’s tears were falling: We humans are scared of you wolves, okay?! His son was too scared to go home at night!
Xie Guanze showed his certificate, “Miss Nima, we are from the human relationship coordination group of the police station. We are here to register you, and then you will have your own name and identity…”
“What a strange bird. It’s one I’ve never tasted before…” Miss wolf didn’t understand what Xie Guanze said at all. She stared at Xie King and had a glint in her eyes. “Just in time, I ate the master’s meat. I’ll make it up to the master with your meat.”
With a scream, Xie King quickly turned into a bird and flew away.
Miss wolf regretfully touched the saliva that came out of the corner of her mouth, “It’s a pity, the meat is gone.”
Xie Guanze: …….
When he saw the wolf, he found out what it was like to raise wolves. They also raised bears directly in the mountains.
Mr. Xiong, a huge man, was surprisingly simple. When they found him, he was sitting at the table eating Wowotou. There was a pile of peanuts and a bottle of Erguotou (Chinese vodka) on the table.
Xie Guanze: ……
This temperament, a Northern bear (panda)?
“Do you want to eat Wowotou?” Mr. Xiong saw that the village head recognized them and didn’t take precautions against them. He warmly handed over the bamboo basket.
“No, thank you.” Xie Guanze thought about it, but was polite. He took out Xie King’s snack, “Do you like melon seeds?”
Xie King looked at him sharply: Those are mine!
“When we go back, I’ll buy more for you.”
Mr. Xiong picked up the melon seeds curiously, poured them into his mouth and chewed them directly.
Xie Guanze: ……
“An idiot.” Xie King scornfully grabbed a melon seed and spat its shell out with arrogance, “You eat them like this.”
“Oh.” Mr. Xiong slowly relearned how to eat melon seeds. He took a long look at Xie King and said, “Actually, I like eating birds.”
Xie King shut up and hid behind Xie Guanze.
Xie Guanze: ……
Xie King has been frightened enough today.
Xie King: Human beings are terrible. These terrible animals were kept as pets…
The author has something to say:
Cat: You look yummy (saliva)!
Xie King: Fear + 1
Miss Wolf: What a big lump of meat! I can supply the owner!
Xie King: Fear + 1 + 1
Mr. Xiong: Actually, I like to eat birds.
Xie King: Fear + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1