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Chapter 12

Voice I, even I, I’m sorry. I did not think of something, “I could not hear myself, I just wanted to do it for it. I think I went too far, but I know what I say is not useful. But we will never again see one the other, I hope you’ll forget this unfortunate event. This is the text we are feeding sites using robots to steal off our site yet giving us no credit. To readers, look up Exiled Rebels Scanlations to get the real version.

After a long time I came back to things, I thought the words that I said are not people.

His eyes leaned slightly, he whispered: “I just want you to have a happy life in the future.”

We would indulge the same thing. My heart was dead ash when I sat on the train. I’ve heard Pachebel’s Canon a hundred times. My tears stopped racing.

I went back to the bedroom and I slept for a month. So, as I thought I wanted to abandon it, I rarely ran to colleagues, I removed my personal affairs and sat on a plane to the United States. From that moment I lost contact with all the Chinese. It was deliberately made. I was afraid to hear news about her how to get her lover or wedding. In spite of whether it’s wonderful or sweet, I’m ready to live in my fantastic world, so I did not have to make an attack.

After a long time I came back.

But he was no longer there.

He was no longer in this world.

Someone has ever said that homosexual love brings bad results. Even if it’s written by others, some people will always be killed as part of the plan or both will die. So I was angry, I never thought of all the accidents, like a car crash, but when it was my turn, I was just like a dramatic drama in drama He would say he was like a life.

He was not involved in some accident, but in exchange he ended up a healthy life.

Perhaps I thought he had chosen this option, it was not mine. Although the pain and pain of the past year had not gone, he would not finish his life now. All honesty After I fell in love with him, I settled in my little world. On the other hand he was different. The delicate nature of depression was caused by the social behavior of autism. He did not cover this world and the world did not have a place to know it. He never mixed with the outside world. He never thought of putting others into a pure watercolor in an aquarium. I could not deeply understand this function until I remembered all the details of my life that I knew.

But I still could not eliminate these pain. Sometimes I stand to my headstone and I’m thinking of the 18th year to our last leadership. I understood deeply that “sadness is sad”. I think I’ve dried all the tears in my life in one month. I was cowardly, related to other causes, like my seventy moments of foolishness of youth, etc. I was nobody.

But I could not release myself, I got him so innocent, but I finally lost him forever.

I was closer to him when he was in the grave, but at the same time we were the closest. When I was injured, I remembered that someone could say that the world’s most extreme distance is not life and death, separation, but I stood with you. Well, if you do not know that I love you, I mean, That is not that, I suppose that the most distant life is always life and death. If he could stand up, I would have enough courage to say that, but I could never do it. This is the text we are feeding sites using robots to steal off our site yet giving us no credit. To readers, look up Exiled Rebels Scanlations to get the real version.

If you love someone, waiting for when you want to express it, God may not give you an opportunity, so you can say it as soon as possible.

I will leave this place and I am ready to start a new life when I will not suffer any further misery. I carefully addressed the things he had belonged as if he wanted to remember or half wanted to remember half of his life he owned

When I brought a book of books, a letter appeared suddenly. The sign in the lower right corner was Li ZhenYun. A very well-known word could never speak again.

There were also small papers. Here is my colleague’s handwriting. With your letter, I put it in between your books. I have something.

It was before my previous day from China, so I wrote it when I went to her. In that day I was not, my colleague left me. He put it firmly into the book, but it was a great joke that luck played me.

My colleague taught me about that and forgotten it. In a state of haptic mind, I embarked on these books in emergencia. It was a small thing that changed the life of a person incorrectly.

The letter contained only a few simple words. If I had another life, I will be alone for always because loved ones do not love me.

The whole letter is written in every universe and the universe …

I had my name

T / N

Thank you for joining this novel here, and I think you liked it. Only with depression and sadness, the real coast has not finished, but there is no sadness and unfailingness. A real tragedy that a person dies alive. More stick around the stick:

Add here: I ran from damn eyes, omfg. For me, this novel of these simple 12 chapters is far more difficult than I can explain. I was diagnosed with a severe depression when I was twelve, and in the last 13 years I was the head of my monster living with it. I sleep, says it’s easy, not so. Depression does not know what you are doing and you do not even know if you are. That’s just how to raise the clear glittering water of the legs and go to the beach with a happy family to notice that the sand disappears and the water is black under your feet. Life may not always be what you want, I’ve learned in the years even if my depression has happened, I’ll talk to my hands to get these dark water. To find something you need.

So, if you just know those who have read it and for people who are in a similar situation, you are not alone. This is the text we are feeding sites using robots to steal off our site yet giving us no credit. To readers, look up Exiled Rebels Scanlations to get the real version.

http://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines

http://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/learn/sexual-assault-and-rape/resources/hotlines-and-more-information%5B/hide%5D

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Chapter 12

In a voice I couldn’t even hear myself, I said, “Sorry. I didn’t think about anything else, I just thought I went too far. I wanted to make up for it, but I know that nothing I say will be useful. But we won’t be seeing each other again, I hope you forget about that unhappy event.”

After a very long time, I reflected back on things and felt that the words I said weren’t human.

His eyes were a bit dull and he whispered, “I won’t take it to heart, I just hope you will live a happy life in the future.”

We said goodbye just like that. On the way back as I sat on the train, my heart was like dead ashes. I listened to Pachelbel’s “Canon” a few hundred times and my tears wouldn’t stop flowing.

I went back to my own dormitory and a month drowsily passed. It wasn’t until the time when I was about to leave that I carelessly organised my personal things, hurriedly bid farewell to my colleagues and sat on the airplane to America. From then on, I lost contact with all the people in China. It was done deliberately. I was afraid to hear news along the lines of him getting a girlfriend or marrying. I was willing to live in my own fantasy world, no matter if it was painful or sweet, I didn’t have to bear with the attacks of reality.

After a long time had passed, I came back.

However, he wasn’t there anymore.

He wasn’t anywhere in this world anymore.

Someone once said, falling in a love with a homosexual will usually result in a bad ending. Even if it was a novel written by another person, one character would always be killed off as part of the plan, or they would both die. Thus, I was once angry and never believed in all those accidents like car crashes, but when it was my turn, I could only say life was like a drama and drama was like life.

He wasn’t involved in any accidents, instead he ended his own life without a sound.

I once thought, perhaps the reason for him to make such a choice was not me. Even if the hurt and pain from those past years didn’t disappear, he wouldn’t have ended his life now. In all fairness, I started living in my own little world after falling in love with him. On the other hand, he was different, his sensitive nature towards depression caused his autistic social behavior. He didn’t embrace this world and the world didn’t have room to embrace him either. He didn’t blend with the outside world, he never thought of pouring other people’s clear springs into his own water tank. I didn’t get a deeper understanding of this trait of his until I recalled all the known details of his life.

Nonetheless, I still couldn’t relieve myself from this pain. Sometimes I would lean against his gravestone and think back starting from his eighteenth year all the way through to our last farewell. I deeply understood what ‘sorrow-stricken’ meant, I think I cried all the tears in my life dry in a month. I was a cowardly weakling, the impulsion of my eighteenth year was only due to the folly of youth as well as the instigation from others. That wasn’t who I was.

However, I couldn’t absolve myself, I obtained him through such a cruel method, yet I lost him forever in the end.

I was closest to him when he was in his tomb, but at the same time we were also the furthest apart. When I was breaking down in pain, I remembered that someone might have said that the furthest distance apart in this world isn’t the separation between life and death, but rather when I stand in front of you and you don’t know I love you. I wanted to say, no that’s not right, the furthest distance apart will always be life and death. If he could become resurrected, I would gain enough courage to say it, but that will never be possible.

If you love someone, you should say it as soon as possible because once you wait until you want to express it, perhaps god won’t give you the chance to.

When I wasn’t indulged in misery anymore, I got ready to leave this place and start a new life. I carefully flipped through every item I owned as if I wanted to remember him and half of this life of mine that belonged to him.

When I got up to flipping through a stack of books, a letter unexpectedly fell out. The signature on the bottom right corner was Li ZhenYun. That name that was so familiar yet could never be spoken again.

There was also a small slip of paper, it was a colleague’s handwriting: Your letter, I placed it in between your book, I have something on so I need to leave.

That was the eve of my departure from China, and so he must’ve wrote it after I went to see him. I wasn’t here that day, my colleague put it away for me. He rigorously put it in the book, yet it became a huge joke that fate played on me.

My colleague forgot to tell me about it. In a chaotic state of mind I had hurriedly bundled those books up —— a tiny thing that unknowingly changed people’s’ lives forever.

There were only a few very simple words written on the letter: If I had another life, I would still be lonely for a lifetime because the person I love doesn’t love me.

And written everywhere on the entire letter, in every gap and space…

Was my name.

T/N

Rui here, thank you for sticking through with this novel and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. A true roller coaster of nothing but depression and sadness, and ending in nothing but grief and regret. A true tragedy where one lives and one dies. Stick around for more 🙂

Addis here: I’m bawling my fucking eyes out, omfg. To me, this novel, these simple twelve chapters hit me a lot harder than I can even explain. I was diagnosed with severe depression when I was twelve and I’ve been living with it, a monster inside my head, for the last thirteen years. I won’t lie and say it’s been easy, it hasn’t. Depression causes you to not even know what you’re doing, or even know who you are. It’s like going to the beach with a happy family, stepping foot into clear, bright waters, only to realise that beneath your feet, the sand is eroding away and that the water is pitch black. Life may not always be what you want it to be, and I’ve learned through the years that even when my depression strikes, I need to find someone to talk to, to have a hand reaching out towards me from those murky waters.

So, to all those reading this who have similar situations, just know, you’re not alone.

http://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines

http://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/learn/sexual-assault-and-rape/resources/hotlines-and-more-information[/hide]