Translated by Crystal of Exiled Rebels Scanlations
“Why is it that you like men? Do you not like women?”
Looking at Xie King’s pure gaze, Xie GuanZe didn’t want to show his ‘erotic expert’ side, 1 so he coughed and changed the conversation, “None of these birds chose sports but rather cooking. I guess all you birds are foodies, huh.”
“Heh, what’s wrong with getting your own food. We’re not like those stupid furballs who need their owners to feed them. Pathetic.”
Even as Xie King was complaining, he was still paying attention to the oven. The moment the beep sound was heard, he wore his gloves and took out a freshly baked, yummy egg tart.
Xie GuanZe sniffed the tart intensely, absorbing in the smell. The colour, the aroma… looks like King has a talent for baking as well.
Proud of himself, Xie King said, “Like me, I can even feed my owner. Here, open up.”
Xie GuanZe smiled and opened his mouth, satisfying King’s desire to feed him.
Due to it being freshly made and hot, Xie GuanZe only took a nibble. Chewing on it for a bit, his eyes lit up, “Delicious!”
King’s cooking skill went up again.
“Heh, of course.” Xie King puffed up his chest and said, “You think you can win against your teacher by having better knife skills? No way. I can still teach western desserts!”
Xie GuanZe just smiled: Xie King’s desire to win is still going strong today~
After his class started, King worked tirelessly to improve his craft. There was only one reason, his students were so talented he had to work harder to not be surpassed.
All Xie GuanZe had to do was listen to King’s murmuring at home to figure out who those gifted students were.
The woodpecker who’s good at knife work, the spider lady who’s good at carving, Mr. Bear who’s good at kneading… and today, another one came up, Hua Shao.
“Hua Shao is just too much! How come his sense of smell is so much better than mine?!”
Xie GuanZe got used to the liveliness of his home, so he continued working on his report whilst listening to King complain.
“Hua Shao? Who is that?”
“Hua Hua, the pig.” King let out an evil laugh, “His owner gave him the name Cao Hua, and he calls himself Hua Shao, but everyone knew his old name Hua Hua, so they purposefully called him Hua Shao.” (Hua means flower)
Do pigs have a good sense of smell?
Xie GuanZe decided to search it up on the internet.
Once he did, he realized pigs had 5500 taste buds, not only that, cows had 35000, while antelopes had 55000. In general, mammals had a better sense of taste than birds, but amongst birds, parrots had the most taste buds. They, however, did not use their tongue to taste but the top of their mouths.
Once pets turned into humans, their original talents would increase or decrease somewhat. The worst traits would get mitigated in human form, like a parrot’s night vision; but the best traits, like flying, could disappear completely.
Now, they were all taking P.E. Classes and the school was intentionally pushing pets to develop their athletic ability in both forms.
Humans had been advocating for more outdoor activities, to exercise more, and the same went for pets too. Not only that, pets could take their owners out for exercise, creating a healthy relationship.
Speaking of Cao Jun and his pig, Xie GuanZe remembered their promise to have a pet meetup. Since he remembered, he might as well call his dorm mate for a meetup.
Their university dorm room consisted of four people. Some were locals like Cao Jun and Xie GuanZe, the others worked locally, like Wang JianXiong and Chu JiangQing.
Luckily they were all in the same city.
Xie GuanZe opened his group chat titled ‘Money Loving Work-devotees’ and sent out an invite for a meetup.
Shuai Guan Cang Qiong (Handsome Guan Heaven): BeepBeepBeep, sexy ikemen online, ready to meetup for food!
Meng Meng Jian (Moe Moe Sword): Meetup for drinks? The type of drunk where your butt hurts.
Shuai Guan Cang Qiong: No~No~ Just the type where you bring your other half~
Meng Meng Jian: WOW, no doubt it’s coming from the face of our dorm, you’re the first off the single train!
Jun Shao (Sir Jun): You’re behind with the times. GuanZe’s talking about bringing our pets. @Shuai Guan Cang Qiong, this Saturday?
Shuai Guan Cang Qiong: Okay! I’ll bring King.
Jun Shao: Okay! I’ll bring HuaHua.
Su Jia Hua He Shang 2: And me, I’ll bring Milk.
Shuai Guan Cang Qiong: Milk? When did you get a pet?
Jun Shao: You went from ‘Countdown to being a monk’ to ‘Worldly Hua Monk’ yo~ Going bald I see~ Congrats, congrats. :smirk emoji:
Su Jia Hua He Shang: @ShuaiGuanCangQiong, it’s a long story. I chased after my goddess but it didn’t work out. Instead, she left me her cat before she went overseas. I had it for a month before they turned into a human and disliked me very much. They thought I scared their owner away by being too ugly.
Su Jia Hua He Shang: @JunShao, don’t laugh too early, you’re not far from it either. :smile emoji:
Shuai Guan Cang Qiong: …
Jun Shao: …
Meng Meng Jian: And me… even though I don’t have a pet…
Shuai Guan Cang Qiong: You can bring your mouse and pretend it’s your pet. (Computer mouse)
Meng Meng Jian: Good thinking!
Xie GuanZe laughed at that. But he really was curious, was he really going to bring a mouse to a gathering…?
It wasn’t long before Saturday came around and it was a rare instance where both Xie GuanZe and King were off work. It was a rare chance to relax and they took a taxi to the meetup location.
When Xie GuanZe walked in with King, he heard a group of people talking at a nearby table.
“Have you heard, there’s been stray dogs biting people lately!”
Xie GuanZe perked up his ears and glanced at King. Then, he took a seat at a table beside them. They were the first to arrive, so picking a seat near the door was perfect.
Beside them was a table of three men. On it were beer bottles, Louisiana crawfish and other side dishes. King almost drooled at the packed table.
“We want that one as well!” King said pointing at the bright red crawfish.
The three men just smiled at King. It was common for this to occur and this restaurant was famous for its crawfish braised in oil. Most people who came, came for this dish.
Xie GuanZe ordered a large serving and of course, he didn’t forget the beer either. As for side dishes, he would wait until his dorm mates arrived.
Once the beer arrived, Xie GuanZe purposefully gave some to the neighbouring table and chatted, “Isn’t the stray management going pretty well lately? How’s it that there are more showing up? What about adoption centers/animal services?”
Drinking Xie GuanZe’s beer, the three opened up and chatted away.
“I mean, what can you do with people who buy pets but don’t care for them? The moment they don’t want them, they throw them away. There’s no end. I say we should tackle the source of the problem instead. Those who abandon their pets.”
“Right? There’s a lady downstairs from where I live who normally looks prim and proper but every night, she would abuse her dog on the balcony. I couldn’t stand it and asked, but she just said her dog was sick. Sick, so it was screaming.” The young man who talked slammed the desk in anger, “It was such a cute Pomeranian! So small! How could she!”
“Wolf in sheep’s clothing, I say!”
“No, that’s a disgrace to wolves.”
After a few rounds of drinks, the men were all a bit tipsy. Talking about stuff like this, they were filled with righteous indignation and slammed the table harder.
Xie GuanZe was deep in thought.
The law didn’t specify what to do with humans who abuse animals. They could only morally punish them. However, those who abuse animals were abnormal in the first place, moral punishment was of no use. They would repeat it again, like domestic violence.
It was then Xie GuanZe felt a deep sense of helplessness.
He was in charge of mitigating human and pet relationships, but those who asked for his help, were those who had moral consciousness. Those who wanted to have a good relationship with their pets. If the owners wanted to abuse them, they wouldn’t let on at all.
And for the pets, like humans who have gone through abuse, they were mentally fragile. Even if they wanted to call the police, they lacked the courage.
Just then, a young man in black who sat alone in the corner drinking, asked the men who mentioned the abusive woman, “What’s the area you live in?”
The man was tipsy but still clear headed and he asked, alerted, “What are you asking this for?”
The young man calmly replied, “I can hear a dog in agony near my house, so I was wondering if it’s the same place as you.”
“Oh, I live near MingYue District.” The man still had a moral conscience to not expose the woman’s location. After all, he knew some pet extremists might do something irrational, so he didn’t want the girl to get hurt over something he said.
The young man shook his head at that, “It’s not the same area. I live near the Tian Sheng bridge.”
After that, he stopped talking and continued to sit at the corner, eating and drinking. His presence oozed a ‘don’t talk to me’ feeling so no one did.
Xie GuanZe however, was on alert. He had been there before, the bridge was surrounded by unfinished buildings, there wasn’t a proper district to speak of.
King glanced at the young man and suddenly wrote on the table with beer.
The young man in black was a pet dog!
Xie GuanZe was taken aback. A pet dog purposefully asking where a woman who abused dogs lives… could it be he wants revenge?
But right now the young man was casually eating crawfish, and nothing looked admiss.
It wasn’t long before his friends arrived. Due to this incident, even as Xie GuanZe was eating, he couldn’t help but monitor the young man’s movements out of the corners of his eyes.
The three men near them were drinking the night away. Even though they arrived earlier, by the time Xie GuanZe and the others finished eating, they were still drinking.
“That’s enough, that’s enough, I’m done. I still need to go back and finish up my draft.” Chu JiangQing called an end to the meetup.
Chu JiangQing was the one called “SuJiaHuaHeShang”, a self taught writer. In university, he often submitted his essays for contribution fees and he interned at a major social media account/group before. Once he graduated, he started his own independent media company and was in the uphill climb of his career. His hairlines have also been receding higher and higher. To the point he got a clean shave today. Underneath the restaurant lights, he shone like a lightbulb.
“I’ll pay!” Jun Shao said with his usual second-generation-rich fervor and pulled out his phone.
Chu JiangQing stopped him and said, “No, no, let me do it!”
“I’ll pay!” Xie GuanZe just straight up told King, “King! Go to the front and pay!”
In terms of speed, who could match that of a bird?
King turned back into his bird form and took his phone to scan the QR code. When he came back, he glanced around and said, “He disappeared!”
Xie GuanZe was startled and looked towards the corner, the young man had disappeared.
Not only that, the one who had been questioned earlier was also gone!
- 老司机 – Literally “experienced driver”, the term can be used to refer to someone that is very knowledgeable about sex. This type of person tends to “drive a car”, which means they post porn addresses in chatrooms or forums for their “passengers” (members). It could also humorously mean someone that is great at their job.
- (Hua He Shang = Hua/flower/character of his name + monk = a monk who violates their religious discipline. Su Jia = the home before they became a monk or worldly people (as opposed to monks who live ‘other-worldly’/away from worldly pleasures)