Translated by J. of Exiled Rebels Scanlations
Ye Xi squeezed his thighs shut out of reflex, struggling to contract the urethral sphincter muscles around his bladder.
He did not need to pee earlier, but due to the fright he got just now, he suddenly really needed to go!
“Umm…Good morning everyone…” Ye Xi mechanically waved his hand.
The male attendant standing closest to Ye Xi carefully circled in front of him. He was tall and lean, almost a head taller than Ye Xi. His black waistcoat perfectly hugged his waistline, his tailor-fitted trousers wrapped around his slender legs, and his shoes were polished to a mirror shine. A pair of exquisite hands with pale, delicate fingers extended out from his freshly laundered shirt sleeves. A few stubborn strands of silvery-white hair were tucked behind his ear, slightly covering one of his violet-coloured eyes – eyes that belonged to an almost flawless face. The slightly raised corners of his lips brought a devastating tenderness to his appearance.
Ye Xi, “…”
Judging by the way he’s dressed, could he be the butler? Are all the walk-on extras in this world Mary Sues as well!?
When the attendant turned to face Ye Xi, a semi-transparent character profile appeared over the air next to him.
Name: Shangguan X (Many meaningless symbols have been filtered out here)
Character Summary: A butler with a one-billion-dollar annual wage. His family has served the Murong family for many generations, and he is as loyal as a guard dog. Although he is madly infatuated with the youngest son of the Murong family, he is afraid to say anything due to his lowly status. This impoverished young man’s love story is destined to become a heart-wrenching tragedy…
As he read the character summary, Ye Xi worked up another head of fuzzy curls.
An impoverished man with a billion-dollar wage! This character design is fucking infuriating!
By that logic, my 100,000 a year must be worth even less than an amoeba 1 in this world!
ShanGuan’s seductive voice interrupted Ye Xi’s brooding, “Little Master, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” With his head of baby curls, Ye Xi jealously imagined how he would spend a billion dollars a year.
Shangguan gave Ye Xi a doting smile and patted his fuzzy hair, “Your hair is all curled up, is the Little Master in a bad mood?”
Ye Xi, “…”
My mood is immediately betrayed by my hair, isn’t there any privacy in this world?!
“Uh, where is the bathroom?” Ye Xi impatiently changed the subject, as he had to urgently resolve his need after that earth-shattering ‘Good morning, Young Master’.
“Please allow me to show Young Master the way.” Shangguan bowed respectfully, then turned to walk in front of Ye Xi. His stride was graceful and elegant, his every step on the opulent carpet seemed to be carefully calculated. Ye Xi was bursting with pee behind him, and impatiently urged, “Can you go any faster?”
Unhurriedly, Shangguan turned around and revealed the most charming smile, “Of course, Little Master.”
Ye Xi wanted to punch him.
The two of them power-walked around the labyrinth-like mansion for another ten minutes or so. Perhaps due to the operating system’s set programming, Shangguan continuously explained the Murong family history to Ye Xi along the way, but Ye Xi was too preoccupied with his bladder to pay him any attention.
All Ye Xi could remember was that he had six ultra-badass and ridiculously handsome elder brothers, who were the very embodiment of all the desirable qualities a man should have. Their names were each longer than the next, and each were more capable of controlling the fate of the global economy. However, they all simply adored their little brother, to the point where each one was the maniacal subject of a big-brother complex.
A mountain of doting big brothers, what a clichéd Mary Sue character design! Ye Xi inattentively concluded while wiping a fine sheen of perspiration from his forehead. Somewhat deflated, he asked, “Could you please tell me how much further?”
To which Shangguan politely replied, “We are halfway there, Little Master.”
With a tormented expression, Ye Xi asked, “Is there only one bathroom in this house?”
Shangguan replied as a matter of fact, “Yes, Little Master.”
Ye Xi suddenly started to worry about how the thousands of attendants along the corridor would go to the bathroom!
But according to the system’s usual fastidious nature, where everything was recreated exactly as described in the original novel, maybe the attendants did not need to use the bathroom.
However, what Ye Xi needed to worry about more than anything else right now was his own bladder, as it was close to bursting!
Although Ye Xi felt that it would not be a big deal if he did some embarrassing things in this virtual world, these people looked just like real people, not virtual NPCs 2! So Ye Xi clenched his teeth time and time again and decided not to pee on the floor under the respectful gaze of his attendants. He could only squirm around to try and hold his pee in, and stalked behind the butler towards the bathroom.
It took an entire twenty minutes to walk from the bedroom to the bathroom.
The bathroom had magnificent double doors that were adorned in resplendent gold. Seeing Ye Xi arrive, the two attendants standing in front of the bathroom each pushed opened one of the colossal doors. A few dozen metres 3 away from the door stood a diamond toilet, a diamond bathtub and a wash basin made from pure gold.
The three objects shined radiantly under the glow of the light fixtures on the bathroom walls. The path from the door to the toilet was again dotted with attendants on both sides. Each attendant held a silver platter with items set atop, including towels, toothpaste, toothbrush, nail clippers, soap, bath gel, toilet paper, wet wipes, bathrobes and various other items which may be required in a bathroom…
There was even an attendant playing the violin next to the toilet!
“…” Ye Xi stood in front of the door like a candle in the wind, being too afraid to go in.
The butler gracefully bowed before speaking, “This way, Little Master.”
Ye Xi stamped his foot impatiently, “Can you tell all of them to leave?”
I can’t pee with a hundred people watching!
The butler smiled softly, then clicked his fingers, “You are all dismissed. I will personally attend to the Little Master’s needs.”
Ye Xi said feebly, “You too.”
I know you have a crush on me!
The butler, “…”
Over a hundred people streamed out of the bathroom in a long procession. Exhausted in body and mind, Ye Xi scurried in with his legs held tight and ran towards the toilet at the speed of the hundred-metre dash. He did not have time to appreciate the diamond toilet, he pulled down his pants, whipped out his thing, and enthusiastically peed to his heart’s content. At the same time, a radiant rainbow formed in the space between Ye Xi and the bottom of the toilet!
Ye Xi stared at his rainbow pee in bewilderment.
Distinct streams of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet poured out of him!
“Son of a bitch!” Ye Xi trembled and almost extended this liquid rainbow bridge to the top of his feet!
…Does it mean my thing has seven holes…? Wouldn’t that look like a watering can?!
Once he finished his business, Ye Xi checked his little guy with trembling hands and was pleased to find no abnormalities with any of his anatomy. There was only one hole, not like the spout from a watering can at call, and he could not figure out how the seven distinct streams of liquid were formed…
“Ugh…” Ye Xi sighed woefully. He rested his chin on one of his hands while sitting on the toilet, and felt mentally drained.
Even going to the toilet turned out to be such a chore, how am I supposed to live out the rest of my time here?!
Ye Xi had never missed his cramped, narrow apartment as he did now. He contemplated for a moment, then opened the system interface and pressed the ‘Help’ button. The cold, mechanical voice appeared, “Hello, is there something I can help you with?”
Ye Xi asked wistfully, “Can I build a bathroom next to my bedroom?”
Electronic voice, “No, basic settings cannot be altered.”
Ye Xi asked again, “Since I have so much money, can I buy a smaller house?”
Electronic voice, “No, no such plot exists in the original novel.”
Ye Xi asked despondently, “Are you saying I have to walk this far every time I have to use the bathroom?”
Electronic voice, “Correct.”
Ye Xi shouted, “This is absurd!”
The electronic voice paused for a moment, then replied, “The resentful creator’s will is to let you experience the intended design of the original novel first-hand, in order to prove to you that the design is not only feasible but is also logically and scientifically correct.”
Revenge. This is cold, naked revenge!
Ye Xi fretted for a moment, then decided he would drink less water going forward. He composed himself, then opened the system interface to look at the quest status.
The second New Player Quest had been completed, and the third quest was now active:
‘Wash up then go to the dining room for breakfast (0/1)’
It had dawned on Ye Xi that the so-called ‘New Player Quests’ were tasks that he had to perform every day in this Quest World. Through these quests, the system was just getting Ye Xi to familiarise himself with his day-to-day life in this world.
Ye Xi stood up from the toilet, he walked a dozen or so metres 4 to the front of the golden washbasin and looked at himself in the mirror.
So many things had happened since waking up this morning, that Ye Xi had not considered the possibility that his appearance might have changed as well. As he gazed into the mirror, he was momentarily startled by what he saw.
The person reflected in the mirror was still Ye Xi per se, but it was a more handsome version of himself.
Ye Xi was considered a good-looking guy back in the real world, the dainty bookish type. From junior high to senior high, he had always been popular with the girls from school. He had two adorable dimples when he smiled, which the ladies found irresistible. But the Ye Xi in the mirror looked like someone with a beauty filter applied to his appearance. There were no obvious changes to his facial features, and he was definitely still the same person, but he was somehow even more delicate and lovely than he was before. Under the warm orange glow of the bathroom lights, his lips were rosier, his teeth whiter, his brows darker and his eyes deeper, like an other-worldly male protagonist who just stepped out from a novel.
At least I don’t look too eccentric… Ye Xi inspected himself in the mirror for a while longer, being rather pleased with his appearance in the Quest World.
This was the first good thing that had happened to him all day. Ye Xi’s mood improved, he wiped away the cherry blossoms from the wash basin, then washed his face, brushed his teeth and combed his hair.
After washing up, Ye Xi opened the hefty doors with all his might, then walked out from the bathroom.
The butler waited patiently outside the bathroom door. Seeing Ye Xi, he stepped forward and said, “It’s time to go downstairs for breakfast, Little Master.”
Ye Xi’s shoulders slumped at the remark and asked, “How far away is that?”
With a flawless smile on his face, the butler replied, “Around ten minutes’ walk.”
Ye Xi trailed behind the butler looking forlorn, “…”
After ten minutes, Ye Xi had finally arrived at his destination.
Since getting up this morning, Ye Xi had been vigorously walking for half an hour and worked up an appetite.
“Please sit down, Little Master.” The butler showed Ye Xi to his seat next to an oblong table the size of a two-hundred metre 5 track and field lane. Apart from Ye Xi, there were eight other people seated next to the table, including an elderly couple, whom according to their character profiles, were Murong’s parents; as well as his six legendary brothers where each was said to be more handsome than the next. However, everyone was seated so far apart that Ye Xi could not actually see what they looked like, nor have a conversation with them. It was somewhat unsettling.
What should I do? It would be rude not to address my elders, but on the other hand, it would also be disrespectful to shout at them! Do I have to walk up to each of them to greet them? But it’s a 400-metre 6 walk – it would be so dumb to have to walk there and back!
While Ye Xi was busy debating with himself, the attendants responsible for bringing breakfast cantered in with silver platters in their hands. Hoping to devour a sumptuous breakfast, Ye Xi sniffed hungrily at the aroma wafting through the air and gawked at the cream soup, black pepper steak, foie gras, caviar, pasta and various other delicious food brought in by the attendants.
In a spineless act, Ye Xi’s stomach grumbled noisily.
Don’t overthink it, eat up first! Ye Xi thought to himself.
In a flash, a shiny silver plate was placed in front of Ye Xi. Inside it was a loose mound of colourful flower petals, with glistening dewdrops still stuck to them.
While Ye Xi appreciated the presentation of garnish on the plate, someone placed a high-stemmed crystal glass next to him, with half a glass of water inside.
The butler said dotingly, “Little Master, these flowers were picked fresh from the garden for you only moments ago. Today’s main course consists of cherry blossoms and rose petals. The water is melted alpine snow flown directly from the Alps this morning. Is the Young Master pleased with his meal?”
Ye Xi’s eyes glowed with ravenous hunger while he sniffed at the unmistakable aroma of grilled steak in the air. He asked, “Who is the steak for?”
The butler smiled, “For everyone else.”
Ye Xi, “…”
The butler, “The Young Master has always dined exclusively on fresh flowers and alpine snow water, what is the matter?”
The space before Ye Xi’s eyes went dark, he had almost fainted from the preposterousness!
Author’s Notes: It’s chapter 3 already…and the dom still hasn’t appeared, mwahahaha!
The dom is that CEO who likes to catch slackers…he appeared in chapter 1 in the form of a rant from the sub, I don’t think that counts as a formal appearance, haha…
The poor sub – his torment does not end here…
- The original text says paramecium, which is a type of single-celled organism. I changed it to amoeba so it would sound more familiar to an English audience
- Non-Player Characters https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-player_character
- over 100 feet
- 50-60 feet
- ~650 feet
- ~1300 feet